Stress

Me + stress = fast heart rate, neck & jaw tension, avoiding people, headaches, eating unhealthy food, poor sleep, and probably more things that I can't think of right now. I have been feeling a lot of stress at work over the last 2 years and at home over the last few months. Things I know that can help that I haven't done either at all or not enough for a few months: massage, swimming & hot tub, spending time in nature, reading, and spending intentional time alone with God. So, time to take a break from the unimportant/less important things so I can be intentional in at least one of these areas.

Passion vs Fear

I was sitting in church yesterday, listening to various people in the congregation share/bring prayer requests. I was hoping someone would bring up the fact that it was the International Day of Prayer focused on human trafficking, but it didn't happen. Our pastor was about to end the sharing time and have us join with her in praying, when a man raised his hand to share. After this, the pastor looked around to see if anyone else had anything to share and I found the courage to do so. I find it incredibly difficult to talk to people in general (even friends sometimes), and I feel various measures of anxiety, so thinking about sharing in a large group can be very paralyzing. I know that not everyone has the same interests/passions and that because getting involved in helping to counter human trafficking is something that has become part of who I am over the last 3 years, it is my responsibility to share events like the IDP and more, and I managed to do that yesterday. It was a very revealing (to me) time. I brought it as a prayer request (which took maybe 30 seconds), and although I wanted to say more I was caught off guard by the emotions beginning to surface. After we spent some time in prayer together, I sat there thinking about what happened while I was sharing and what it could mean.

The emotions that began to surface were not the usual shame/anxiety/fear that comes when I speak in large groups. This time it was...passion. The kind that brings tears, a sense of urgency, the forgetting of self in the presence of something greater. It makes me wonder if I, who have been terrified to be "the voice", could actually put on an awareness event / fundraiser, allowing the passion to overcome the paralyzing fear. Could this be something that God uses to show His glory through me? (as it would be clear to those who know me that speaking would not be even close to my first choice). Could sharing in church yesterday be the beginning of a new kind of sacrificial living?

Welcome to another aspect of a "journey through my mind". I do not know if the above thoughts/questions will have a "Yes" answer, but I am going to hold onto them as possibilities.

I don't want to make this post much longer, but there are two topics that are now on my mind to write about: 1. prayer  2. human trafficking
Stay tuned...

10 Years - Gone, but not forgotten

10 years ago today we lost 2 wonderful girls in a Saskatchewan winter car accident. I did not know either of these girls very well, but those who knew them loved them. Though I didn't know them well, we were fellow students in a college of 100 students which creates opportunities to know about people quickly. They both had so much energy and passion, which had a beautiful impact on those around them. I had the opportunity to spend time with one of them the weekend before the accident. She asked me if I wanted to hang out, so we went outside and tossed a football around, went for a walk, and had an enjoyable conversation. I think of her often and then immediately think of the other girl. Both of them were very close to friends I am very close to. With the impact this has on me, I can only imagine the impact on their family and friends. My heart goes out to them all. KV & NH...you are loved and missed greatly.

Reason to Sing

This song struck something within me on Sunday. I have a feeling I will need it when I get more involved in more difficulties in life and am feeling overwhelmed by grief, brokenness, tragedy...when I need a reason to sing.

Bubbles and Sky Paintings

Image found on http://www.flickr.com/photos/shunkoba/8069471609/

Today I am reminded of the fun, intimate, personal relationship I have with God. We have danced, He has played with me with bubbles while I was doing dishes, He has created beautiful sky paintings for me to admire, He has created the earth for me to enjoy. When it is raining while the sun is shining, it's like He's having a water-fight with me. No matter how many times I have acted in sin, He has ALWAYS been with me, NEVER leaving me to ruin. I know He loves me. I know he wants me to be happy. It is hard knowing that He does not always get what He wants when He wants it. He wants us to love Him, to choose Him, to follow Him. He patiently waits for us to wander in the desert for 40 years, giving us the freedom to choose our own way. He can set the right path before us, but he will not force us to walk it. I make choices. Others make choices. As much as God loves me and wants me to be happy, the choices that I and others make can postpone the fullness of that happiness. So, while happiness may be postponed, I am reminded of his love through the "little" things, like bubbles and sky paintings.

Children and Violence

22 children and 1 adult injured in knife attack at primary school gate in China's Henan province - state mediahttp://t.co/OgyFLCGN
Police in Newtown: "20 children, six adults and gunman killed at school, another dead at second scene" http://t.co/IS9R6v0P

With these two tragedies that happened yesterday my heart continues to break for this world, and I continue to be stirred to action. For better or for worse the current action I am taking is more schooling, starting with the Social Services field. What I realized this morning, however, is that I need to educate myself on more current events, laws, policies, organizations, etc.

I decided to start with the United Nations. I went to www.un.org (English) and did a search for "children". There were many stories that came up (about 193,000) and on the right-hand side were the following options to narrow my search:



Sadly, this list did not surprise me. The reason I returned to my studies in the Social Services area was to get involved in stopping and preventing the use of child soldiers. I have since broadened my sights to human trafficking in general, but hearing these stories and reading this list increases my desire to help children. As difficult as it will be, I look forward to learning more and getting involved.

Expectation, fear, hope...

I was going through my twitter feed today and came across a tweet from Joyce Meyer:
"Live with the expectation that God is going to do something wonderful for you today!"

This brought an immediate sense of excitement, followed very quickly by an overwhelming sense of fear. For as long as I can remember I have been afraid to get my hopes up, afraid to expect good things. Outwardly I tend to not show hope or expectation. Perhaps as an attempt to harden myself to the pain of disappointment. Inwardly, however, that hope remains. Perhaps because the greatest hope I have ever had has not been disappointed. For that reason I continue to hold on, to have hope.