Well, it took almost a week, but I finally got up the courage and found the right time to ask my brother what his thoughts are concerning God and Christianity and what not. It was a really good conversation. He has so many questions, questions that I cannot answer, but he does plan to look into some of them. He's at the place of "well, all I can do right now is be the best person I can be and try to do good". I was happy for the conversation we had. It was actually our first meaningful conversation. And it was really cool because even when I thought the conversation had ended a couple times, kept coming back with more thoughts and questions. He said he doesn't talk to people about religion because he doesn't want to offend anybody and he said it was nice being able to talk about it.


Well, Bo-yeun's here. We went to visit Danielle at the airport yesterday and we are leaving for Calgary around 7 tomorrow morning. I still have so much to do before we go! I am so excited to get back to school, though I need to try to find a job and THAT I am not looking forward to.

I love to see the bond of love between mother and son. This is something I failed to see/mention when I was updating last night. In spite of how unhappy my mom is with her living arrangements, she won't look for another place because that would leave her son in a bad place (re: money), and my brother won't stop working on the house, no matter how tired and stressed he is, because of his love for his mother.


My finances are starting to come together for school and when I called MSP regarding a bill they sent me, they finally understood why I don't owe them the money they thought I did. Once I get to school, I have to mail them some papers to get everything worked out.


A few years ago, my birth certificate, which had been in my wallet which was stolen, was stolen out of the mail before I even got it. The police recovered it in a fraud investigation and needed it for court. I went to get it today so I could get a new Social Insurance card, which was also in the wallet which was stolen, and I found out that the police had all the evidence from that case destroyed. Thankfully, I think there's another copy of my birth certificate in our "important papers" box. Unfortunately, my dad's keys are still packed and my mom is at work, so I have to wait till she gets home so I can find out if it's there. If it is, I can apply for my new SIN card right away. If it's not, I have to mail away for ANOTHER birth certificate (which the police said I would get reimbursed for if I got charged for it), then apply for a new card.


Anyways, I spent SO much time "on hold" or just waiting today, I almost went insane!


BUT, God is in it all. He is in control of everything, which I am SO thankful for because I could NOT go through life without Him.


I was reminded of something really cool today that I hope will encourage anyone who's going through a hard time and can't seem to figure out why. Even when we are producing fruit, God prunes us that we may produce MORE fruit. Sure it hurts, but it is well worth it in the end.


3 days till I see Bo-yeun. 4 days till I see Danielle. 6 days till I'm in Calgary. 8 days till I'm in Eston. YAY!!!

I had such a long day at work today. It felt like it would never end. God was helping me through it though. I got to talk to 5 people about school while I was at work today, all at different times. It made my day. When I got home, I was sitting outside with my parents, then my brother came home with my niece, so they were sitting outside with us. Things were going fine for a while, but that doesn't seem to last too long when my dad and brother are together. They started fighting about the house again. I had to take my niece inside because of how they were acting, but my mom told me that my dad went to the trailer then came back out and said he was gonna start looking for another place to live. My mom came in the house and said she was going for a drive by herself (so that's where I get that from), so she was out by the car crying, with my brother hugging her, then she left. Anyways, so I have no idea if I'll be going back to that house for Christmas or not. A coworker said he looked into Eston, so I decided to do the same, and came up with this link: the gopher's view. Enjoy!

Jeremy and Melissa got married on Saturday. "Melissa White"...still have to get used to that. The wedding was crazy and fun...the ceremony was nice and short which was good because there was no air conditioning in that church. The wedding was supposed to start at 3pm, but our hair and makeup took longer than expected. We were in the salon for 3 1/2 hours! We went to pick up our dresses and got back to the house by 2:30 to start getting dressed. We left the house just before 3pm, got to the church, and the ceremony started at about 3:15pm. When we went to get our pictures done, we realized how popular that day was for getting married and how popular the place we got our pictures done at was. We went to a garden in Langley for the pictures and there we EIGHT other wedding parties there!!!


It was my brother's 31st birthday yesterday. As I was going to bed last night, I was listening to my Chris Rice CD and began thinking about my brother's relationship with God (or lack thereof). I could not stop crying. My heart was breaking so much that I wanted to rip it out. It was so heavy, I could not bear it. I have never talked to my brother about where he stands concerning Jesus, but I know I have to before I go back to school. I had never really thought about it before, then when I did, I worried about what I could possibly say, but God assured me that He would give me the words and, just like He told Ezekiel, I need to talk to him about it, whether he listens or not. I just need to be obedient and faithful to God. If you ever happen to think of my brother, please pray for him. His name is Kevin.

I'm not sure if I like this design or not, but I'm gonna give it a chance to grow on me.


I have been so happy the last couple days: I found my box of shirts and work clothes and I found my cell phone which I've been using as a phone book. To top off these 2 wonderful discoveries, I have finally been able to move into the spare room of the house. As I laid down on the air mattress and looked at the 4 walls and ceiling surrounding me, I felt like I finally had a home...I felt safe. I have been missing my CDs so much! (They've been hidden away in the garage for about 2 1/2 weeks). I had tried to find them before, but it seemed so impossible. I decided to try again today and I found them! I love music. I love my music, especially my more recent additions. My discman and my CDs are my escape from the here and now to the presence of God and His guidance.


This summer has been really weird for me. I have been overly focused on myself and my problems, so much so that I have hardly noticed the lives of those around me. Now that I am beginning to open my eyes and heart to those around me, I cringe at the thought that I have wasted so much time this summer and that I've only got 12 days left here. I'm trying to get past that and see the opportunities I have over the next 12 days.


"He shed no tears for His own griefs, but sweat drops of blood for mine." It is my desire to let this love and compassion of Jesus flow from my own heart to everyone I come in contact with. I know it will be difficult, impossible really, but it is something I can work towards.

Thanks for praying...Leila's back in North America now.

I love being able to see my niece every day! She has a temper and her mom is basically controlled by her, but my mom and I know how to handle her, so hopefully she won't end up being one of those annoying spoiled little brats. I mean, I'd love her anyway, but I'd have a hard time being around her. She's so cute though...she's been walking lots, drawing, coloring (I LOVE ERASABLE PENCIL CRAYONS!).

I went to the library yesterday. When I came out, I looked over by the mountains and saw so much smog everywhere. I was like, "Welcome to the Fraser Valley!" Just then, I looked up a little higher (I think I was looking up to God, but I don't remember) and I saw a rainbow. It was so beautiful. To me, it was God's light shining through the darkness, or like seeing God's beauty in the everyday, blah sort of stuff. I could see each color distinctly, from red right through to blue. Go fills me with peace whenever I gaze at the world He created. Even though we have done so much to distort His creation, He is the master craftsman, the most skilled artist...nothing can cover up the beauty of all of His images...not even sin in man.

When I was on the Island, I was reminded of Chris' comments on love that he wrote on March 22 called kids don't try this at home...how our love is often selfish and that he offered a challenge to anyone who would dare try it. I need to begin a list like that for my good friends, the people I struggle with being around, and anyone in between. As God was teaching me about love, He was (and is) teaching me about grace. I wish I could fully comprehend it (along with many other things), but I cannot. The best I can do is to live by it and hopefully extend it towards others. Even as I was reading Jeremiah this morning, I was reading about God's judgement, then right away, God went on to proclaim future peace and freedom for His people, even though they had betrayed Him so obviously. I find it hard to understand, but I am so greatful that He still does that so that I am able to live in Christ. I only hope that those who are not living in Christ will soon see how much they need God and that they will turn from pursuing their own desires.

Please pray for Leila who is somewhat stuck in Ghana.

My visit to Nanaimo has almost come to a close. It's been great hanging out with Kaleena, Laurah, and Josh (and their friends). It is now 11am and I am catching the Depature Bay ferry at 12:30pm. I had so much fun yesterday! We went to Parksville to play minigolf and went on the bumper boats where you can spray everybody with your boat. Thankfully we went on the bumper boats first so we could dry off while minigolfing.

I went to see Bourne Supremacy with Kaleena's sister, Melissa, on Sunday night. I wanted to see it and Kaleena had to work till midnight, so I figured it would be a good way to keep me awake till she got home. When we got back from the movie, we played Scrabble. Yesterday I played Speed Scrabble with Kaleena, Melissa, and their brother Joel. It was fun. It made me miss school even more.

When I woke up at 6:30 this morning (Kaleena had to go to work), I actually started missing the guys from school...especially Kardy, I don't know why, but I will see most people soon enough...21 DAYS TILL I'M IN CALGARY!!!!

Well, I'm off to play one more game with Kaleena' sister, Cassie, and whoever else happens to be playing.

I too missed my blogger birthday. In fact, I'm not 100% sure which day that is. It's either July 18th or 19th. I lost my first blogs because my archive info wasn't set up properly, so I couldn't go by that, but I remembered Rach had mentioned it on her site, so I went through her achives to find it. Anyways! I'm going to say it's the 18th. I'm so excited that I got to come to Nanaimo for a few days. It's kinda cool that I'm here for the same weekend I was last summer.

Well, we've moved...sort of...everything (except my phone) is out of our old place, but the new place isn't ready yet, so most of the stuff is being stored in the garage and the rest is in a trailer that my dad's brother brought over for us to stay in. There have been plumbing problems with the house, so we have no water except what we buy at the store, so I guess we'll be knocking on friends' doors for showers and what not. Hopefully the water will be hooked up by tomorrow, but the rest of the place isn't close to being ready...maybe another couple weeks (basically just in time for me to go back to school).

I found a ring while we were moving. It was under my bed. I don't know where it came from. I'm hoping it's not one of my friend's because, even though it doesn't fit properly even on my pinky, I have been wearing it today and have grown rather attached to it. If it is a friend's and they don't want it anymore, I will be happy.

I am trying to make plans to go to the Island this weekend (ie. leave early Friday morning), but it is such a last minute decision I don't know if it'll work. I must go make some phone calls now (from our old place) to find out if any of my wonderful friends would be able to pick me up on the other side of the ferry. Have a good weekend all!

Well, I had quite the conversation with God today. I went through the drive-thru at McD's this morning and asked for hot chocolate instead of coffee with my breakfast meal. When I got home, I realized they had given me coffee. I didn't want to go back, so I just took it upstairs. On the way, I talked to God about how He had turned water into wine and asked if He felt like turning coffee into hot chocolate, but then I thought, "Ya, right...that isn't something of importance." Then God said that He takes care of the small things too. But then I said, "Ya, but this doesn't have anything to do with the advancement of Your kingdom. Except that if You actually did it, I would be so excited and I would be telling everyone about it." So then God said, "So why aren't you telling everyone about the things I HAVE done? Why aren't you excited that I changed water into wine?" That really got to me, yet still not as much as I wish it had. I wish I got really excited about everything in the Bible and the things He does now, so excited that I couldn't keep things to myself, but I haven't. Well, I guess writing about this conversation is a beginning. Oh, by the way, when I was doing laundry an hour after all this, I realized God HAD turned my coffee into hot chocolate...when I took my coffee upstairs, I put hot chocolate powder in my coffee (and some ice cream). Crazy sense of humor this God of mine has!

What next?
 
Free NT to Canadian Immigrants Banned by Gov't

It's strange how some people's opinions really matter to me.  One person mentions a movie, so I watch it (or plan to); somebody else mentions a CD, so I go buy it without listening to it.  There aren't a lot of people who I trust enough to do that with, but those I do have not let me down (in these types of situations).
 
Since I found out we are supposed to choose a mentor for the next school year, I had somewhat been stressing because the one person I thought I would ask won't going to be there this year.  I had one other person in mind as well, but I wasn't sure how comfortable I was with that.  Yesterday I thought of someone else, so now that I somewhat have 2 options I am not concerned about it any longer.
 
I finally got my pictures developed yesterday.  I have some from grad weekend on there, so when I saw those I really started missing people even more.  I'm looking forward to going back to school to see people, but there are still those who are not returning who I miss greatly.
 
My dad said he didn't want a closet in his room because it would make the room too small, so now my parents and I are going to share one closet in my room (which is smaller than his room even without the closet).  Thankfully I'm only there for 3 weeks.  My dad's brother told him if our place isn't ready by the 31st, he'll bring his trailer right into the front yard of the house so we have a place to stay.  I may opt for a friend's house, but we'll see.
 
I've been watching Big Brother 5 with Tara and Debbie, but I had to work last night, so I didn't get to watch it.  Thankfully Debbie taped it ('cause she had to work too), so I watched part of it earlier and now I'm gonna go home and finish watching the rest of it.

There was a thunderstorm when I went into the theatre with my mom to watch King Arthur, then it was HOT and sunny when we came out. The movie and this right now is my break from packing up my room. It's almost finished. I have so much stuff that is for when I get my own place, so most of that is packed up and out of my room. I have limited my already limited wardrobe for while I'm here by filling my suitcase with clothes to take back to school. It's really weird knowing that we're moving so soon. Hopefully the house will be ready no later than the 31st 'cause that's when we have to be out of our current place. If not, I won't have problems finding a place to stay, but my parents might, especially my mom 'cause she can only sleep in her recliner. It's looking like we can at least take our packed boxes over to the house next week to store in the garage so we don't have to take it all over at once and so we have room in our place to clean. Pray for my dad and my brother. They're basically the only 2 working on the house (fixing up the upstairs and making the basement into a suite) and they have troubles seeing eye to eye on almost everything. It's mostly a clash of the old school experience and the technologically driven experimenting new school.

I met up with one of the girls from Abby who's planning on coming to FGBI this year. It was kinda weird 'cause with some of the things she was saying, she reminded me of myself in my first year. She is a little prepared though 'cause her mom used to go to the school so they came out for grad this year. Her mom introduced her to Jodi. And that, coupled with the anointed performance by the choir got her stoked for school, but she does know of the changes being made to the music program. And it was cool too 'cause she remembered Cara from Cowichan camp from when they were little, and possibly Mandy from somewhere too. Anyways, I hope things work out for her financially and otherwise (same for the rest of us) 'cause it would be great to have her at school. One of her friends may be coming too, but she was away on the weekend, so I couldn't meet up with her.

My friends Melissa and Jeremy are getting married in 32 days! That's so crazy!!! There have been a lot of difficulties come their way, but they are pressing on. (Praise God!).

It's weird not being anxious about getting back to school. I mean, I love the school, the work (though it doesn't seem like it at the time), and the people, but I am content where I am. It's strange. I've never really been content here. Don't get me wrong, I still want/need to move on from here, at least for a while, but for now, this is where I need to be, and it is good.

I was somewhat caught off guard when I was reading my Bible this morning. As I was reading Jeremiah 16 and hit verse 5, I thoguht to myself, "This would be a great place to get a sermon from." I have been sensing that I am to, as the song says, "be a speaker of truth to all mankind." That, combined with my thoughts on this world and this recent reading in Jeremiah, is making me more determined in my faith and my obedience to God. He really is everything to me. There is nothing else that even comes close to the desire I have to serve my God.

This past Sunday, my pastor spoke on warfare, both physical and spiritual. It was a good time for me to hear what he had to say because one of my friends, whom I haven't seen for a couple years, got married and, since being with this girl, has become a completely different person (not a good thing). He used to be so passionate about God and was very close with his family, but now it's like he's not even human anymore...like he's a robot or under some sort of mind control. His family had to track him down because it's like his wife and her family are hiding him away somewhere. When they finally found him, he only gave them short answers, showing no real emotion towards them. I am worried about him. Please pray for him. He needs to be free from this...whatever it is.

I am constantly amazed and thankful for my parents' growing relationship with the Lord, especially my dad's. I found a devotional book in my dad's room today that my mom got for him in Jan./03 and it is up to date. The fact that he makes special time for God each and every day brings joy to my heart.

I have recently been working at another job. It's at the place I was at last summer, but it's doing completely different work. I really enjoy it. I've had the opportunity to do a lot of cleaning, which I really enjoy doing when there's nobody around, and I worked on sawing the cement or whatever it is that's between the shower tiles before they're finished. I have really enjoyed working at a job where I can see results, that I have made a difference. Any other job I've had has seemed like a pointless effort to me. The thing is, as much as I loved doing the tile work, my hands have never been used like that before and I felt like they were bruised all over. They were so weak when I was done that I could barely lift a cup of coffee up to give to my mom. The cleaning however is still something I enjoy doing and, while it is tiring, it is something I can see results in when I'm done. I'm hoping that with the hours I'm getting at the Bingo Hall and the two jobs at Edenvale I'll be able to pay off my VISA, hopefully have enough money to pay for car insurance, and maybe, just maybe, have enough money to cover the cost of a couple crazy ideas I've got for before I go back to school.

Speaking of school, I'm getting together with a couple girls from Abbotsford who are planning on coming in September, just to answer some questions they may have and stuff.

I was going to go see King Arthur today, but I think my mom said she wants to see it, so maybe we'll go tomorrow afternoon.

I've only got a couple minutes, but I thought I'd give a quick update. I lost one of my contacts today, so it's really weird typing (and driving) with only one in. Anyways...I got a second job...back at Edenvale where I worked for 3 weeks before I went back to school last summer. God is so good and so faithful. My dad also decided to keep going to the same church (YAY!). I got to see my friends' baby today...she's 6 days old and her name is Jada Stella Ruth Manuel. She's SO cute! And tiny! We're moving so soon! Gotta run. Bye!

I hate it when I build good friendships with people so they feel they can come to me with their problems, but then I have nothing to offer them (in the area of advice I am meaning). I want to get into things right now, but I have a whining dog beside me so I can't concentrate. Maybe another time.

Well, I gave in and watched Kill Bill Vol.1 today. Why? I do not know. It's so strange how a movie that is all action can be so boring a lot of the time. I rather enjoyed how the blood spurts out of everyone though. And I wasn't planning to watch the second one, but they had to add a great twist to the limited storyline, so now I will probably watch Vol.2 some time. So that was one movie for today, well two if you include Spiderman 2. Yesterday I watched Miracle and today I will continue watching movies (Paycheck, X2, The Life of David Gale), and I may watch The Perfect Score and The Prince and Me tomorrow. Well, I'm off to go spend some time with God before I completely waste my life away. See ya!

Well, it's 3:10am right now. I just got back from watching Spiderman 2. GOOD MOVIE! Definitely one to watch on the big screen! I almost didn't get to see it tonight because I got called into work at 7:10pm tonight and got there at 7:40pm, so I should have had to stay till the end (12:15am or so), but after I had been working for like 1 1/2 hours, I remembered that I had to give the dog I'm looking after heart pills at 10pm so I asked if I could go home early. They were fine with that...I didn't get out of there until 10:40pm, but that was closer to 10pm than if I had stayed the whole time. We had planned to watch the movie in Abbotsford, but Debbie called and said they went to Colossus in Langley instead, so i drove 1/2 an hour to go meet them. While I was there I realized I still have a problem with something, or at least I'm seeing it as a problem: I like to cuddle with or lean on people when I'm watching a movie. This has always been an "issue" for me, but I remember one time at school we were watching a movie and I just wanted to cuddle with the guy who was sitting beside me. It's not like we ever really talked with each other, I just thought it'd be more comfy. I didn't do it though, 'cause...well, it's just not something you (I) do. Anyways, at the theatre tonight I just wanted to hold hands with the guy next to me and lean on him. I didn't even know him! I don't even know what he looks like. He was just the one who happened to be sitting beside me. It's really weird writing this because as I'm typing I'm trying to figure out why I want to do this, but at the same time I don't want to think about it too much. It's so much easier to see things in other people than in myself...maybe because I don't want to see things in myself. Ack! Anyways...it's too late/early to think like this right now...maybe some other time.

I need to seek God more. I want to know Him better. Whenever I think of the glory of God tears come to my eyes, I am humbled, and I am brought to a place of worship. I love my God and He loves me. Nothing will get in the way of that. Even when everything else is being destroyed around me, if I stop and think, I get that unexplainable peace that evrything will be okay.

"Feed the hungry and help those in trouble. Then your light will shine out from the darkness, and the darkness around you will be as bright as day." (Is. 58:10, NLT)