I love knowing when I'm learning something or that I'm being transformed, but today it just hurt my mind so much. I could tell near the beginning of class that something was going on...I wanted to leave the class crying because it was scaring me so much, but I knew that I had to stay. Before the break, my mind was being compressed and twisted. It was horrible! I know it'll be good, but at the time...

I can already see a common theme in all 4 of my classes this year: practical ways to engage in the surrounding culture. It is a beautiful thing. This is something I have had difficulty with, but now that it's being crammed into my head in classes and with friends, it should make a huge impact in my life when it all comes together.

I started reading the Spiritual Mentoring book for Leadership II. It was weird starting on chapter 4, but that's what our paper's on, so that's what I'll read for now. It's been a confirmation of the things I've been thinking about regarding friendship and what not. Now, if only I would learn to take the initiative to do something about it.

I had so much fun tonight! I've been spending so much time reading, it was nice to take a break. We watched Pirates of the Caribbean in the lounge, then I went for a walk with a few friends. Turns out the time I have spent playing Mario Tennis has not been pointless. It hepled me be able to play a doubles game of a similar sort with Mark, Josh, and Caleb. I had so much fun. The game had some crazy monkeys dancing on it, so while we were finishing our walk, we decided to imitate them. I was a good night.

When I went to do kitchen laundry today, I smahed my hand against something and ended up taking a small chunk of skin off my knuckle. It bled through 2 small band-aids, but the 3rd patch band-aid has been doing well.

Anywho...I'm off to the dorms.

I don't know why I can't learn one very important lesson: to daily recognize my need to depend on God. I wish I could learn it on the basis of God alone, however I seem only to be reminded of it for selfish reasons, which I guess is better than not realizing it. I was having a really weird, not so good night last night and I couldn't figure out why. When I stopped to think about it, however, I realized that it is because I have been neglecting my intimate moments with God. I mean, sure, I still talked with Him and stuff, but I hadn't read my Bible or just purposed to sit and think about Him for a couple days. When I neglect this time with God, I get into trouble emotionally. Thankfully when I realize that that's what's going on and I do something about it, I move out of that state of mind. One reason I wanted to be in leadership this year because I knew it would keep me accountable to God because I knew there would be no way I could make it through the things I have to go through without Him. How can I expect to give to others out of a void in my own life...I need to, as we've been taught, give out of the abundance of God.

I woke up feeling so refreshed and completely relaxed this morning, it was great! Last night I found a few notes of encouragement from my Community Group from last year. I didn't realize how much I needed to hear those words again until I read them last night. God has perfect timing in all that He does and I am so greatful for that so many times. I love when it is brought both to my heart and my mind the love that God has for me. When I became a Christian, I was truly made a new creation. God's mercies are new every morning. These thoughts remind me of part of "Smellin' Coffee" by Chris Rice"I wake up, my past is gone; Your mercy's new with the morning sun; I'm forgiven, I'm free, it's a brand new day 'cause Your faithfulness is the greatest!"

I got some good advice in, I believe it was, April 2003: "Don't be afraid to ask God the hard questions." It took me until last night, however, to truly think about what that means and to act upon it. Now I patiently await answers to those questions, knowing full well that I may not get answers to some of them, but feeling better knowing that I have asked things that I had not thought to ask before.

Some advice I was given in, I believe it was, April 2003: "Don't be afraid to ask God the hard questions." It took me till last night to seriously think about that advice and to go for it. So last night I asked and today until it happens I patiently await the answers.

I was made aware of something last night. We were sitting in the lounge for a time of worship for chapel before going for a time of prayer with our community groups. Between the music and community groups, Brian gave a bit of a sermon on love and friendship. Previously I had thought that there were a few friends who I had made too important in my life and I kept trying to change that. I was constantly struggling with this because it didn't make sense to me to try to love somebody less. I don't know why I didn't clue in before to the fact that I am not to love those few individuals less, but that I am to increase my love for others. Now that I'm typing this I do remember thinking this before because I am now stuck with a familiar unconcluded conclusion (whatever). I think to Jesus' relationships. He loved everyone, yet He had 12 with whom He shared more things and 3 of those 12 whom He seemed even closer with. I don't know.

"It is better to be single and wishing you were married than married and wishing you were single." This was one of many truths spoken at our get together in the lounge last night. It was so good to see all of the s from the school interacting with the women of this community. It was so good to see the beginning of the work God is going to do this year. I got to see, in a few practical ways, how much I need to rely on God and how faithful He is in all He does. Some of the things I came to understand in my head, especially last year, I am now being forced to learn in my whole being (thank you God!). Though I got to see last night how well Mandy and I work together as RAs, I do not plan to even come close to the danger of thinking we can handle whatever comes our way this year. Though I had been told many times to rehearse the truth, I saw the outcome of that last night and that excites me.

Well, it took almost a week, but I finally got up the courage and found the right time to ask my brother what his thoughts are concerning God and Christianity and what not. It was a really good conversation. He has so many questions, questions that I cannot answer, but he does plan to look into some of them. He's at the place of "well, all I can do right now is be the best person I can be and try to do good". I was happy for the conversation we had. It was actually our first meaningful conversation. And it was really cool because even when I thought the conversation had ended a couple times, kept coming back with more thoughts and questions. He said he doesn't talk to people about religion because he doesn't want to offend anybody and he said it was nice being able to talk about it.


Well, Bo-yeun's here. We went to visit Danielle at the airport yesterday and we are leaving for Calgary around 7 tomorrow morning. I still have so much to do before we go! I am so excited to get back to school, though I need to try to find a job and THAT I am not looking forward to.

I love to see the bond of love between mother and son. This is something I failed to see/mention when I was updating last night. In spite of how unhappy my mom is with her living arrangements, she won't look for another place because that would leave her son in a bad place (re: money), and my brother won't stop working on the house, no matter how tired and stressed he is, because of his love for his mother.


My finances are starting to come together for school and when I called MSP regarding a bill they sent me, they finally understood why I don't owe them the money they thought I did. Once I get to school, I have to mail them some papers to get everything worked out.


A few years ago, my birth certificate, which had been in my wallet which was stolen, was stolen out of the mail before I even got it. The police recovered it in a fraud investigation and needed it for court. I went to get it today so I could get a new Social Insurance card, which was also in the wallet which was stolen, and I found out that the police had all the evidence from that case destroyed. Thankfully, I think there's another copy of my birth certificate in our "important papers" box. Unfortunately, my dad's keys are still packed and my mom is at work, so I have to wait till she gets home so I can find out if it's there. If it is, I can apply for my new SIN card right away. If it's not, I have to mail away for ANOTHER birth certificate (which the police said I would get reimbursed for if I got charged for it), then apply for a new card.


Anyways, I spent SO much time "on hold" or just waiting today, I almost went insane!


BUT, God is in it all. He is in control of everything, which I am SO thankful for because I could NOT go through life without Him.


I was reminded of something really cool today that I hope will encourage anyone who's going through a hard time and can't seem to figure out why. Even when we are producing fruit, God prunes us that we may produce MORE fruit. Sure it hurts, but it is well worth it in the end.


3 days till I see Bo-yeun. 4 days till I see Danielle. 6 days till I'm in Calgary. 8 days till I'm in Eston. YAY!!!

I had such a long day at work today. It felt like it would never end. God was helping me through it though. I got to talk to 5 people about school while I was at work today, all at different times. It made my day. When I got home, I was sitting outside with my parents, then my brother came home with my niece, so they were sitting outside with us. Things were going fine for a while, but that doesn't seem to last too long when my dad and brother are together. They started fighting about the house again. I had to take my niece inside because of how they were acting, but my mom told me that my dad went to the trailer then came back out and said he was gonna start looking for another place to live. My mom came in the house and said she was going for a drive by herself (so that's where I get that from), so she was out by the car crying, with my brother hugging her, then she left. Anyways, so I have no idea if I'll be going back to that house for Christmas or not. A coworker said he looked into Eston, so I decided to do the same, and came up with this link: the gopher's view. Enjoy!

Jeremy and Melissa got married on Saturday. "Melissa White"...still have to get used to that. The wedding was crazy and fun...the ceremony was nice and short which was good because there was no air conditioning in that church. The wedding was supposed to start at 3pm, but our hair and makeup took longer than expected. We were in the salon for 3 1/2 hours! We went to pick up our dresses and got back to the house by 2:30 to start getting dressed. We left the house just before 3pm, got to the church, and the ceremony started at about 3:15pm. When we went to get our pictures done, we realized how popular that day was for getting married and how popular the place we got our pictures done at was. We went to a garden in Langley for the pictures and there we EIGHT other wedding parties there!!!


It was my brother's 31st birthday yesterday. As I was going to bed last night, I was listening to my Chris Rice CD and began thinking about my brother's relationship with God (or lack thereof). I could not stop crying. My heart was breaking so much that I wanted to rip it out. It was so heavy, I could not bear it. I have never talked to my brother about where he stands concerning Jesus, but I know I have to before I go back to school. I had never really thought about it before, then when I did, I worried about what I could possibly say, but God assured me that He would give me the words and, just like He told Ezekiel, I need to talk to him about it, whether he listens or not. I just need to be obedient and faithful to God. If you ever happen to think of my brother, please pray for him. His name is Kevin.

I'm not sure if I like this design or not, but I'm gonna give it a chance to grow on me.


I have been so happy the last couple days: I found my box of shirts and work clothes and I found my cell phone which I've been using as a phone book. To top off these 2 wonderful discoveries, I have finally been able to move into the spare room of the house. As I laid down on the air mattress and looked at the 4 walls and ceiling surrounding me, I felt like I finally had a home...I felt safe. I have been missing my CDs so much! (They've been hidden away in the garage for about 2 1/2 weeks). I had tried to find them before, but it seemed so impossible. I decided to try again today and I found them! I love music. I love my music, especially my more recent additions. My discman and my CDs are my escape from the here and now to the presence of God and His guidance.


This summer has been really weird for me. I have been overly focused on myself and my problems, so much so that I have hardly noticed the lives of those around me. Now that I am beginning to open my eyes and heart to those around me, I cringe at the thought that I have wasted so much time this summer and that I've only got 12 days left here. I'm trying to get past that and see the opportunities I have over the next 12 days.


"He shed no tears for His own griefs, but sweat drops of blood for mine." It is my desire to let this love and compassion of Jesus flow from my own heart to everyone I come in contact with. I know it will be difficult, impossible really, but it is something I can work towards.

Thanks for praying...Leila's back in North America now.

I love being able to see my niece every day! She has a temper and her mom is basically controlled by her, but my mom and I know how to handle her, so hopefully she won't end up being one of those annoying spoiled little brats. I mean, I'd love her anyway, but I'd have a hard time being around her. She's so cute though...she's been walking lots, drawing, coloring (I LOVE ERASABLE PENCIL CRAYONS!).

I went to the library yesterday. When I came out, I looked over by the mountains and saw so much smog everywhere. I was like, "Welcome to the Fraser Valley!" Just then, I looked up a little higher (I think I was looking up to God, but I don't remember) and I saw a rainbow. It was so beautiful. To me, it was God's light shining through the darkness, or like seeing God's beauty in the everyday, blah sort of stuff. I could see each color distinctly, from red right through to blue. Go fills me with peace whenever I gaze at the world He created. Even though we have done so much to distort His creation, He is the master craftsman, the most skilled artist...nothing can cover up the beauty of all of His images...not even sin in man.

When I was on the Island, I was reminded of Chris' comments on love that he wrote on March 22 called kids don't try this at home...how our love is often selfish and that he offered a challenge to anyone who would dare try it. I need to begin a list like that for my good friends, the people I struggle with being around, and anyone in between. As God was teaching me about love, He was (and is) teaching me about grace. I wish I could fully comprehend it (along with many other things), but I cannot. The best I can do is to live by it and hopefully extend it towards others. Even as I was reading Jeremiah this morning, I was reading about God's judgement, then right away, God went on to proclaim future peace and freedom for His people, even though they had betrayed Him so obviously. I find it hard to understand, but I am so greatful that He still does that so that I am able to live in Christ. I only hope that those who are not living in Christ will soon see how much they need God and that they will turn from pursuing their own desires.

Please pray for Leila who is somewhat stuck in Ghana.

My visit to Nanaimo has almost come to a close. It's been great hanging out with Kaleena, Laurah, and Josh (and their friends). It is now 11am and I am catching the Depature Bay ferry at 12:30pm. I had so much fun yesterday! We went to Parksville to play minigolf and went on the bumper boats where you can spray everybody with your boat. Thankfully we went on the bumper boats first so we could dry off while minigolfing.

I went to see Bourne Supremacy with Kaleena's sister, Melissa, on Sunday night. I wanted to see it and Kaleena had to work till midnight, so I figured it would be a good way to keep me awake till she got home. When we got back from the movie, we played Scrabble. Yesterday I played Speed Scrabble with Kaleena, Melissa, and their brother Joel. It was fun. It made me miss school even more.

When I woke up at 6:30 this morning (Kaleena had to go to work), I actually started missing the guys from school...especially Kardy, I don't know why, but I will see most people soon enough...21 DAYS TILL I'M IN CALGARY!!!!

Well, I'm off to play one more game with Kaleena' sister, Cassie, and whoever else happens to be playing.

I too missed my blogger birthday. In fact, I'm not 100% sure which day that is. It's either July 18th or 19th. I lost my first blogs because my archive info wasn't set up properly, so I couldn't go by that, but I remembered Rach had mentioned it on her site, so I went through her achives to find it. Anyways! I'm going to say it's the 18th. I'm so excited that I got to come to Nanaimo for a few days. It's kinda cool that I'm here for the same weekend I was last summer.

Well, we've moved...sort of...everything (except my phone) is out of our old place, but the new place isn't ready yet, so most of the stuff is being stored in the garage and the rest is in a trailer that my dad's brother brought over for us to stay in. There have been plumbing problems with the house, so we have no water except what we buy at the store, so I guess we'll be knocking on friends' doors for showers and what not. Hopefully the water will be hooked up by tomorrow, but the rest of the place isn't close to being ready...maybe another couple weeks (basically just in time for me to go back to school).

I found a ring while we were moving. It was under my bed. I don't know where it came from. I'm hoping it's not one of my friend's because, even though it doesn't fit properly even on my pinky, I have been wearing it today and have grown rather attached to it. If it is a friend's and they don't want it anymore, I will be happy.

I am trying to make plans to go to the Island this weekend (ie. leave early Friday morning), but it is such a last minute decision I don't know if it'll work. I must go make some phone calls now (from our old place) to find out if any of my wonderful friends would be able to pick me up on the other side of the ferry. Have a good weekend all!

Well, I had quite the conversation with God today. I went through the drive-thru at McD's this morning and asked for hot chocolate instead of coffee with my breakfast meal. When I got home, I realized they had given me coffee. I didn't want to go back, so I just took it upstairs. On the way, I talked to God about how He had turned water into wine and asked if He felt like turning coffee into hot chocolate, but then I thought, "Ya, right...that isn't something of importance." Then God said that He takes care of the small things too. But then I said, "Ya, but this doesn't have anything to do with the advancement of Your kingdom. Except that if You actually did it, I would be so excited and I would be telling everyone about it." So then God said, "So why aren't you telling everyone about the things I HAVE done? Why aren't you excited that I changed water into wine?" That really got to me, yet still not as much as I wish it had. I wish I got really excited about everything in the Bible and the things He does now, so excited that I couldn't keep things to myself, but I haven't. Well, I guess writing about this conversation is a beginning. Oh, by the way, when I was doing laundry an hour after all this, I realized God HAD turned my coffee into hot chocolate...when I took my coffee upstairs, I put hot chocolate powder in my coffee (and some ice cream). Crazy sense of humor this God of mine has!

What next?
 
Free NT to Canadian Immigrants Banned by Gov't

It's strange how some people's opinions really matter to me.  One person mentions a movie, so I watch it (or plan to); somebody else mentions a CD, so I go buy it without listening to it.  There aren't a lot of people who I trust enough to do that with, but those I do have not let me down (in these types of situations).
 
Since I found out we are supposed to choose a mentor for the next school year, I had somewhat been stressing because the one person I thought I would ask won't going to be there this year.  I had one other person in mind as well, but I wasn't sure how comfortable I was with that.  Yesterday I thought of someone else, so now that I somewhat have 2 options I am not concerned about it any longer.
 
I finally got my pictures developed yesterday.  I have some from grad weekend on there, so when I saw those I really started missing people even more.  I'm looking forward to going back to school to see people, but there are still those who are not returning who I miss greatly.
 
My dad said he didn't want a closet in his room because it would make the room too small, so now my parents and I are going to share one closet in my room (which is smaller than his room even without the closet).  Thankfully I'm only there for 3 weeks.  My dad's brother told him if our place isn't ready by the 31st, he'll bring his trailer right into the front yard of the house so we have a place to stay.  I may opt for a friend's house, but we'll see.
 
I've been watching Big Brother 5 with Tara and Debbie, but I had to work last night, so I didn't get to watch it.  Thankfully Debbie taped it ('cause she had to work too), so I watched part of it earlier and now I'm gonna go home and finish watching the rest of it.