Venting

I need to vent, but I don't know how. There's so much going on, yet there's nothing going on. I want to throw things, I want to scream, I want it all to be over, I want to cry, I want to let go, I want to hold on. I'm angry, I'm sad, I'm scared, I'm confused. I feel like I have so much bottled up inside of me that I just can't let out. It's like it (whatever "it" is) is so deeply rooted that it can't be pulled out, or it is under so much pressure that it's going to burst any time now. I feel like a walking time-bomb. It's work, it's friends, it's God, it's...I don't know what it is! The one person I came to really trust since coming back to Abby, the one person who I felt I could be honest with, who understood me, has moved away. I didn't even get to say goodbye (or see ya). Those moments are so important to me, so I do what I can to ensure it happens. This time it didn't work. I miss my friend...a lot. It's times like these when I lose sight of the importance of relationships. Sometimes it seems like it would be so much easier to not care...much less heartache. I am so sick of people having almost every excuse in the book not to go into work. And as much as I love my place of employment for wanting to help people out, willing to give the many chances, I hate it at the same time because people take advantage of it, knowing their not going to get fired. I'm sick of my schedule (and a few other people's schedules) getting changed around so much. I put up with it for now, saying it's only temporary, but it's hard to deal with, especially lately with all this other crap going on. I hate how there are and have been so many people (whom I have considered friends) making random trips to the Vancouver area, but don't even mention they're coming let alone attempt a visit. I'd vent about God too, but what's the point...He's right, I'm wrong.