Well, I gave in and watched Kill Bill Vol.1 today. Why? I do not know. It's so strange how a movie that is all action can be so boring a lot of the time. I rather enjoyed how the blood spurts out of everyone though. And I wasn't planning to watch the second one, but they had to add a great twist to the limited storyline, so now I will probably watch Vol.2 some time. So that was one movie for today, well two if you include Spiderman 2. Yesterday I watched Miracle and today I will continue watching movies (Paycheck, X2, The Life of David Gale), and I may watch The Perfect Score and The Prince and Me tomorrow. Well, I'm off to go spend some time with God before I completely waste my life away. See ya!

Well, it's 3:10am right now. I just got back from watching Spiderman 2. GOOD MOVIE! Definitely one to watch on the big screen! I almost didn't get to see it tonight because I got called into work at 7:10pm tonight and got there at 7:40pm, so I should have had to stay till the end (12:15am or so), but after I had been working for like 1 1/2 hours, I remembered that I had to give the dog I'm looking after heart pills at 10pm so I asked if I could go home early. They were fine with that...I didn't get out of there until 10:40pm, but that was closer to 10pm than if I had stayed the whole time. We had planned to watch the movie in Abbotsford, but Debbie called and said they went to Colossus in Langley instead, so i drove 1/2 an hour to go meet them. While I was there I realized I still have a problem with something, or at least I'm seeing it as a problem: I like to cuddle with or lean on people when I'm watching a movie. This has always been an "issue" for me, but I remember one time at school we were watching a movie and I just wanted to cuddle with the guy who was sitting beside me. It's not like we ever really talked with each other, I just thought it'd be more comfy. I didn't do it though, 'cause...well, it's just not something you (I) do. Anyways, at the theatre tonight I just wanted to hold hands with the guy next to me and lean on him. I didn't even know him! I don't even know what he looks like. He was just the one who happened to be sitting beside me. It's really weird writing this because as I'm typing I'm trying to figure out why I want to do this, but at the same time I don't want to think about it too much. It's so much easier to see things in other people than in myself...maybe because I don't want to see things in myself. Ack! Anyways...it's too late/early to think like this right now...maybe some other time.

I need to seek God more. I want to know Him better. Whenever I think of the glory of God tears come to my eyes, I am humbled, and I am brought to a place of worship. I love my God and He loves me. Nothing will get in the way of that. Even when everything else is being destroyed around me, if I stop and think, I get that unexplainable peace that evrything will be okay.

"Feed the hungry and help those in trouble. Then your light will shine out from the darkness, and the darkness around you will be as bright as day." (Is. 58:10, NLT)

So, turns out I do have a connection with my pastor, it's just not the kind I was used to. I think we're so much alike that I didn't even recognize it. So, I'm going to stick with my church and see what happens after this year. The freedom I was so anxious about: it is not for now...it is for after this school year...patience...not a fan of learning it, but I know it needs to be done. Well, off to dinner at my parents', then off to Surrey.

Fight Club!


What movie Do you Belong in?(many different outcomes!)
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All I have to say is HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Do they know me better than I know myself? I think this one's about as far off as it could get! Oh ya...I have access to Messenger till Friday :)

I watched Mystic River on Friday night. It was a little difficult to watch at times because there was a 19 year old girl named Katie who was murdered. The father was screaming, "She was only 19!!!" The movie was good, but that part reminded me of my thoughts and words a couple days before that: "She was only 18! and 21!" I was pleading with God to tell me why, but I gave up on that thinking there are just some things you're not meant to know. As I was reading my Bible this morning, however, God answered my question in a comforting way. Isaiah 57:1-2 says, "The righteous pass away; the godly often die before their time. And no one seems to care or wonder why. No one seems to understand that God is protecting them from the evil to come. For the godly who die will rest in peace." (NLT) I think that may have been mentioned at the funeral or something, but I guess I wasn't ready to hear it then. Another quote that gave me strength today is, "Stop telling God how big your storm is. Instead, tell your storm how big your GOD is." I'm so excited! I get to see Lauren and Gerald tomorrow night! Well, I'm off to do a couple things before we do stuff for Tara's 25th birthday.

I feel homeless and churchless. I'm pretty sure I'm not going to stay at my church, but I don't know where I'm going to go. I don't want to just go anywhere (there are over 100 churches in Abbotsford) but I need to go somewhere. I don't think I'll be living in Abbotsford anymore after this year, but I don't know where I will live. Apparently it's time for me to be on my own, well, no parents anyways. I wonder where God will lead me....I got to see Milk and Migiwa on Saturday as they were on their way to the Island. Migiwa didn't want to get a tan so she was wearing her FGBI hoodie in 32 degree weather! We went down to the States so they could take some pictures. The people at the boarder crossing weren't too inclined to believe us that that was the reason, but they eventually let us through. I went to the lake yesterday. I haven't been to the one here in Abbotsford in about 6 years, so it was nice to go there again. I love swimming!!! In lakes though. I'm not a big fan of the chlorine in the pools. I got my tapes from the Rick Watts seminar yesterday and my video from the FGBI grad choir presentation today. I have yet to listen to the tapes, but I have been blessed all over again by the choir video, though I've only watched/ listened to a couple songs so far. I start housesitting on Saturday. I think they have internet there (PLEASE LET ME GET ON MSN!!!). Anyways, I should get going...watch some more of that video before my mom gets home from work and wants to play Dominoes.

Okay, once again I don't know if I can stay at my church. I don't know if I can handle anymore changes of this sort. The majority of the people I have come to know and love in that church are moving or have already moved. When the whole house church idea came into being, I was excited. However, I also thought that I would be going to this one family's house, but I just found out yesterday that they are moving. It's kind of weird though because they are moving to Prince George which is where my previous pastor is and because when i was talking with Danielle a week or two ago, she mentioned the possibility of doing my internship with her dad (my previous pastor) in Prince George doing Street Ministry. I'm not entirely sure, but I think I can see God at work in all of this. One of the things that has been keeping me in Abbotsford is my commitment to my church. I am now sensing a release from that commitment (though I don't want to jump to any conclusions just yet). But if I am truly being released from this commitment, I would feel as though I have the freedom to move to another place. This upcoming year will be my 3rd year at FGBI (yes, I've made the decision to stay...thanks for the prayers and support). My internship will then take me to a new place. As I am writing, I am sensing a release from Abbotsford (PTL! Let me outta here!). I have been so busy lately. My life has been filled with work, dominoes, and babysitting (things which I feel I have no choice of). I have not had time for myself. Today is the first day in a few weeks where I really feel as though I've had time to think. I was reading over some of the things people wrote in my yearbook this year. The advice I got that has been truly speaking to me is: "Spend time with God. Spend time with Him. Spend time with Him." I encourage all of you to do the same.

I'm so sad that last night was the last DOXA service for the summer. They'll be doing other events a couple times this summer, but it won't be every Sunday night. God met me in such a powerful way again last night. This time it was concerning "the last days". It wasn't preached on or anything...just one line in a song again. Usually when I think of the last days, I think of anytime between the Cross and the Second Coming of Christ. Last night, however, as soon as we sand a song that mentioned the last days, all I could do was fall on my face before God and cry out to Him. I know that people all across time have believed that things would end in their life time, so I don't know what to think because right now I'm sensing that it's going to be VERY soon. It scares me because there are so many people who have not given their lives to God. I ache for these people, but I do not know how to reach them. God has given us all so much time to accept Him...He seems to be giving us more, but I don't know how much. Another thought that goes along with this is that maybe it's not "the end", but that it's the end of the freedom we Christians have in Canada. I'm going to an all-candidates meeting for the election tonight...hoping to make an informed vote this month. Perhaps the result of this election is what will bring about these changes God seems to be placing on people's hearts.

I'M SO EXCITED...With a new pastor comes new changes. It looks like our church is going to be going in the direction of a house church. Everything the pastor said today is what Lauren Miller had talked about in Pastoral Theology concerning the direction of the North American church. It's happening soon too: looking like it'll be in July! I'm excited to see God constantly at work in Abbotsford Full Gospel Church. He gives us exactly what we need right when we need it.

My niece is walking. My brother and sister-in-law found a house, so we'll all be moving in on August 1st. I got an email from Athena. She asked me to consider going to teach in Japan this September. I guess I've got a lot to think about and pray about.

I love my job! It kinda reminds me of a shower though. I sometimes don't want to go, but once I'm there, it's great! It's good for me too. Being in contact with all those people, being on my feet all day. I had 2 weird encounters yesterday. The first was a lady who had been winning lots the last few days. She came up to me and said she woulld prove to me that she was a psychic. She told me my mom's name and my brother and sister-in-law's names and a couple other things. I wasn't too taken aback however, because I figured she worked where my mom does. I was right. Next was a lady who I thought looked familiar, but I couldn't place her. After I sold her some cards, she said I looked familiar too, then she saw my name tag and said that I used to babysit her kids in the apartments we live in. It was so crazy! It's been like 10 years since I babysat for her. It was good. I was hoping to have this morning off though 'cause I'm still a little sore and tired. Every time the phone rang this morning I was like, "Noooooo!" But it wasn't work. Just before I was about to go out, however, my boss called me and asked me if I could work tonight. I was so happy. I got the day off and I can still work and make money tonight. Tomorrow will be the first payday. I don't think it'll be much, just for Wednesday and Thursday of last week, but it'll be something! So my work streak has continued: every day I've been available I've worked. God is SO good and so good to me.
I had an amazing time at church on Sunday. I'm starting to connect more with my pastor on a personal level. I went to DOXA on Sunday night. The only way i can explain it to FGBIers is to say it is like a Monday night chapel. I always sit up in the balcony, which is closed off to the average attender, but I've got friends in high places. Everyone wasn't hyped up, but I was. I was poured into on Sunday about the greatness of God and I was brought to my knees in worship, but that wasn't enough: when my knees hit the floor, the rest of me followed. I was in complete surrender to God and He was speaking things to me which both terrify and excite me.

I have had some wonderful, intimate moments with God the last 2 mornings. I treasure the time we have together. He has blessed me with a job that I enjoy (yes, I'm done complaining about it now) an, though I am only working on call, He has blessed me with work when I have been available to work. I've been having a hard time off and (mostly) on this summer with Katie and Nikki. I have been having troubles understanding why it has been so hard for me. I hardly knew either one of them, but I miss both of them greatly. I still cannot imagine the effect their dea.th has had on those who knew them more, who were close to them. I still dread the thought of losing someone close to me. I used to think that it would help me to have words to say to others in their grief if I had suffered a great loss. However, I have come to realize that there are never words to say, that just being there can be enough. I struggle with the concept of death. I don't believe it is God's plan because I have learned that sin is the corruption of good. Life is good and death is the corruption of that good life. God sent His Son that we may have LIFE! On the other hand, God could prevent anyone's death if He chose to do so, but He does not. Why? I guess it's like so many other things that God could prevent, but chooses not to. It reminds me of a book I read. Jesus is restraining Himself from doing so many things that He wants to do because He is waiting for us to be ready. Though there are so many things that could be done, as He restrains Himself, He does so for the greater good in the whole picture. Even in writing this, I am reminded of something I learned in class that moves us to somewhat of a different topic: we ask God to use us, but many times, we aren't being true to what we ask. The Spirit within us is asking, "Are you ready yet? Can we go now?" That's enough randomness for today.

Hooray! I can finally join the "let's complain about work" club! I didn't hear back from the chicken barn people, but my 4 hour training session at the Bingo Hall turned into an 8 hour work day. I walk around all day...actually, it's more sauntering than walking, but you get the point...giving people bingo cards (of which I didn't realize there were so many! What happened to the good ol' days???) and take their money (though somebody must have taken some of mine too 'cause I was $13.50 short today...which apparently isn't a big deal since they gross over $10 million a year). When I was done, they said they'd probably call me to work again tomorrow. I signed up for most days on the availability sheet, so I'll probably get more hours than I thoguht I would be. But anyways, because I was walking all day, my feet are sore and I can feel muscles I never knew I had. Plus, when they changed my shift hours, they neglected to tell me what happens with meals there, so I haven't eaten since breakfast. (I guess these the combination of walking and not eating is good for a little weight loss). I've been feeling a little light-headed for most of the day, so I better go home to get some supper. Just thought I'd pop into the library to give you an update. I miss you all VERY much!

When it rains it pours!!! I called the dentist a couple weeks ago to make an appointment. They said they didn't have anything till June 2nd. I figured sure, why not? I've got nothing else goin on. Then I got a call from my old boss yesterday giving me a job tip. So I call this place (Edenvale Restoration) and they say that they do need someone and to fill out some papers in the morning. I went in this morning, but there were no papers to fill out. He told the receptionist that he wants me to start tomorrow. He hadn't told me anything about it yet, so another girl took my info down and said she'd get him to call me later with details (ie. what time I should show up tomorrow). Now, this job isn't that great (cleaning out the chicken barns from the avian flu that was going around), but the pay makes up for it: $20/hr!!! (I know it won't be a job for the whole summer, but it's something for right now). So I figured I'd probably have to cancel my dentist appointment so I could work, but I decided to hold off (just in case I don't start tomorrow). Then I got another call today from the bingo hall asking me to come in from 11am-3pm tomorrow for paid training and to see if things would work out. I would only have casual hours at the bingo hall, but they would likely be weekend evenings, so it wouldn't interfere with any other job. Since I hadn't heard from the Restoration place yet, I told the bingo guy that I'd be there tomorrow. Hopefully I won't start the chicken barn thing till Thursday so I can do both, but regardless, I cannot go to the dentist tomorrowow, so I'll have to make another appointment for the day before I leave to go back to school. Oh ya! While I was on the phone with the bingo guy, nobody was watching my niece, so she grabbed my glass of coke and dumped a bunch of it all over the end table, the carpet, and herself! I'm glad God knows what He's doing 'cause I have NO idea! Please pray for me. I was gonna write about some other stuff, but I think I'll leave it for tomorrow (or whenever I'm free again). That's enough for today.