God has placed it on my heart to pray for quite a few specific people. For what exactly, I am not sure. But I will continue to pray, trusting that God knows what He's doing. It just really sucks when I see some of them hurting so badly. Look at those around you, understanding that things are not always as they seem to be.

I want to get better. This is ridiculous...it's been 4 weeks! I got to talk to 2 of my favorite people on msn this morning. I am always happy when I get to talk to them. I finished my paper at 2am, now I just need somebody to edit it. *Thanks Andrea*. I am looking forward to homework being done, except for the fact that that means I have to say goodbye to people I've really grown to love.

What a day yesterday! It all began at 7am. Spent time with God, had breakfast, and spent the rest ofmy day with Andrea (and whoever else happened to be around at the time). We played War and the Game of Life (cd-rom), watched Tomb Raider, had lunch (then I did my library gratis), tossed the football around outside (I love this nice weather), and sat around in the dorm lounge talking. While we were all talking, we decided that we wanted to watch "The Fighting Temptations" (which I had never heard of). Turns out they don't have it here in Eston, so I drove to Kindersley to get it and to have supper there (well, on the way back to Eston). I decided at about the last second to stop by the cemetary. I think that whenever I'm by myself, I will always end up stopping there, possibly with others too. It was hard, but good. The rest of my trip home is kind of a blur. My mind kept wandering. Many different thoughts. I can't even remember them all. And from the ones I do remember, I probably don't want to remember them all. ANYWAYS. I got back to Eston, did some homework, then played a couple card games with Andrea. The littlest things were so funny. We could hardly stop laughing. It reminds me of earlier in the day when we were all in the dorm lounge after football. I was drinking water and people just kept making these whacky comments that just seemed out of nowhere at times. I ended up having to spit my water out twice in less than an hour! I don't even remember what was said, but with Charissa, Shanda, Steph, Coralee, Kaleena, Gail, Katrina, Kristin, Andrea, and Leanne there, you know things are gonna be crazy! Just before we went to watch the movie at Tracy's, I had to go upstairs. I wanted to tear my knees off because they were so sore. I wasn't feeling that great last night either. I was hoping sleep would cure both of these problems, but I guess not. I still don't feel good and my knees feel worse right now than they ever have. I don't understand it. After church and lunch, I think I'll take another at my term paper. Enjoy your day everybody!

So here I was thinking I had plenty of time to get things done because we've been talking about there being like 5 weeks left till the end of grad. What I didn't take into account, however, is that there are actually only 3 weeks left of actual classes... meaning only that much time to do assignments as well. On the bright side, I finished one exam yesterday, a book this morning, and I am up to date on my journals for Theo 4. It was nice to be able to cross some things off on my list.

My heart is so hard. I seem to be getting angry or annoyed over the smallest things these days. I suppose it's often been like that, but it seems more prominent now. Most of the things I want, I can't seem to have, but the things I don't want are crowding all around me. I thought my relationship with God was getting better, but with these thoughts, I'm thinking maybe it's not. But maybe because I am getting closer with Him, I am becoming more aware of the things inside of me. Ya, that seems the more probable answer. I was thinking it was bad that these negative attitudes were consuming me, which it is, but it's good that I'm becoming more aware of it so that I can begin to do something about it. Hmmm...what I thought was going to be a pointless update full of complaining ended up being a wonderful time for God to reveal a little more truth to me. Thanks God :)

Wow...I just read this Chris guy's site and he had something very interesting to say.

Just a couple verses that stuck out to me today: "Those in frequent contact with the things of the world should make good use of them without becoming attached to them, for this world and all it contains will pass away" (1 Cor. 7:31, NLT). "The LORD says, 'I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you. Do not be like a senseless horse or mule that needs a bit and bridle to keep it under control'" (Ps.32:8-9, NLT).

I couldn't make Napoleon suffer any longer...his home was cleaned last night. 2 of Renee's fish died :( I'm thankful they weren't her favorite 2. So as the choir got back last night, I got to hear many wonderful, God-intense stories. One was when most, if not all, the choir started crying when singing the song "I Can Only Imagine". This song and "Blessed Be Your Name" seem to be the choice songs for funerals these days, so needless to say, it brought back a lot of memories for everyone. I remember one time when I was driving to Langley last summer and I heard "I Can Only Imagine". It was the first time I truly paid attention to the words. I almost had to pull over because I was so overcome by the Spirit.

They are back. I am happy. This will happen again later tonight and tomorrow, so I will just say it now for then too. One more day of fish-sitting. Napoleon II will be happy to have his home cleaned tomorrow. I would have done it, but I was told not to. Maybe I should have anyways. It's really bad. Sorry Rachel

I'm scared to go home. The visit with my friend last week proved to me, once again, how not ready I am to go home. She was asking me questions, really good ones, that I should have had the answers to. I panicked at one point because I felt like I was being confronted/challenged (whatever), which NEVER happens to me, so I didn't react all that well, but I went to find a Bible and while I was gone, asked God for help. I know it's a good thing that she challenged me because that is preparation for "the real world", helping me to formulate my thoughts and such...I just kinda wished I was challenged by those I look up to and trust, who I know would give me time to formulate my thoughts, just for practice and such. I'm glad I'm at FGBI, getting a valuable education, being prepared for things that will come my way. I used to think that I was just being prepared for future things in this life, but at church this morning I came to realize that I am being prepared for so much more than that. A few students have come back already, most will be back tonight, and a few will be back tomorrow. I am happy (for purely selfish reasons of course).

Ok. Here's the update of this past week: My friend was supposed to come Monday, but came Tuesday due to flight problems. It was fairly boring to begin with...didn't really know what to do. The next couple days consisted of watching "Friends" dvds, tv, and "Mona Lisa Smile"; playing pool, darts, pingpong, Scattergories, Phase 10 Dice, Yahtzee; building a Muppets puzzle; slurpees and ice cream; going for a walk; and talking. I took her back to the airport in S'toon today, but before that we went shopping. I bought a pair of jeans, darts, 3 movies (Tomb Raider, Save the Last Dance, and Ocean's Eleven). It was good. Now I will go eat lasagna and maybe do some homework. And maybe try out my darts :)

Ok, I've had my break. I can think again. I was thinking about something earlier, then Tracy mentioned something along similar lines: Why are people in such a hurry to get into relationships when they can't handle being in them? Just been burned by friends who ditch their friends for boyfriends or gi.rlfriends...that's all.

I am sad. I cannot really think. 1 more week. Just over a month. Ya.

Day 12...still sick. My throat is so sore. I fell asleep for about 1/2 an hour this afternoon and felt like I had slept my life away. When I realized I hadn't, I just wanted to go back to sleep forever, so I figured if I didn't get up then, I probably never would. I have really been thinking of and missing Katie and Nikki. So many things have been bringing them to mind. Things that have been so common to me before now make me cry and want to shut everything out because I cannot find the comfort that I desire. It's weird because it didn't seem to be affecting me for the longest time, so I thought it never would. But since the week of Sr. High...I don't know...I can't even explain it.

I h.a.t.e. how satan works in our lives. There are things that people want to get out of, but continually struggle with because of the lies that enter their minds. They believe they can't tell anyone about it because nobody knows what it's like. They believe they would be judged harshly. They believe they would lose some of their closest friends if they were to admit what's going on. The enemy tells us these lies in hopes that he can control us. We need to understand that it is difficult to break free of these strongholds on our own. I was going through this terribly at one point in my life. I thought nobody else knew what it was like. For years I kept praying to God, asking Him to free me, but I would constantly get caught in the trap. I made a decision one day to tell someone I trust what was going on. Though I thought she may want nothing to do with me after I told her, I still followed through. She did not turn away, but instead she sympathized with me and prayed for me. Though I was not freed from that particular b.o.n.d.a.g.e. immediately, within a year God had given me strength to flee. Traps have still been set, but I have been able to recognize them and run the other way. I want people to understand that the enemy h.a.t.e.s. it when we shed light in the darkness. That is why he continually speaks lies to us. I want to encourage people to share with someone the traps they are falling into, so that they may see the power of God work in their lives through others. All of our chains have already been broken, but they were on for so long that we can still feel them binding us. Shed light on these b.o.n.d.a.g.e.s. so that you may see and accept the freedom you have been given. I can't stress it enough: TELL SOMEONE!

I am so tired. All I want to do is sleep. Well, I guess that's not all I want to do or else I would do it. I am going to a friend's house tonight to watch Blue Crush. I've never seen it before, but I've heard it's good. We shall see. I did homework all day Sunday and Monday and all this morning; tonight will be a welcome break before I start on homework again tomorrow. I have a time consuming assignment due on Friday at 5pm. As soon as I hand it in, my 10 day Reading Break starts! I'm looking forward to being able to sleep and not really worry about anything else. Sure I'll do homework at some point, but more so on my own schedule. One of my friends from back home is coming to visit me for 5 days next week. Most of the students will be gone, but that will leave activities in the school more open for our use. Reading Break is here at a perfect time. People are at the end of themselves and need to be refreshed. Hopefully when they return, we will all be able to focus on why we're here and be able to live that out in the Spirit. Tired ... watching movie soon :) ... then I will sleep ... eventually.

Ah the joys of being in small spaces which allow sickness to pass quickly between people. I went to see The Passion of the Christ yesterday afternoon and the Butterfly Effect last night. We got back a little later than planned, but all is well. I have a lot on my mind right now, but all I have to say is that I'm glad God's in control and that He knows what He's doing.

I met God in such a powerful way this weekend (Sr. High). As I was obedient to Him, He showed me things I had been looking for for a long time. He used an FGBI student to speak into my life about what I have that I can offer other people. I talked to her about it this afternoon...she had no idea that she had been used by God like that. Because I gained confidence through her ministry, I found myself available to go to the front of the church to pray for people. A young came right up to me and, after we had talked and prayed and talked some more, she told me that she had made a commitment to God, but didn't think there was anyone up front to pray for her. But she looked up and saw me right away, so she came up. If God hadn't spoken to me through that FGBI student, I don't know if I would have gone up to the front. He told me what I needed to hear at just the right time. Praise the Lord! There were so many other things that I saw God do this weekend...it was VERY exciting!