I am finished!!!

Over the Break I finished reading The Cost of Discipleship by Dietrich Bonhoeffer. I also read Connecting (don't remember the authors off hand). And I have finally finished reading The Iron Lance by Stephen Lawhead! These were all very good, yet different from one another. I do, however, suppose that I have learned at least one similar thing from all of them: how to better live the life I desire to live.

I started reading The Art of Biblical Narrative over the Break as well, but I think I will hold off on reading for a couple days.

Today I am going in search of a new TV!

Well, here I am in good ol' Calgary, Alberta. Got in about 2 1/2 hours ago. I am finally caught up on my emails and many blog readings. Just about ready for bed (as it is just after 1am here). I watched a few movies over the holidays (they are listed on the side) and I read a lot and played lots of Dominoes and Scrabble with my mom. Even though I didn't get to surprise my parents when I got home, I did get to surprise me grandma. I picked her up on Christmas morning (she thought I was still in Eston). We had a good visit. I love my niece! She is so cute! Once I get back to the college I will see what I can do about getting some pictures up.

I GOT TO GO TO THE WORLD JUNIOR'S LAST NIGHT (WEDENSDAY)!!! CANADA 4 SWITZERLAND 3!
It was a good game! My brother gave me a ticket for Christmas:) Then I got to go home and watch the Canucks (finally) win a game!!! And on the flight tonight I got to watch the 3rd period of the Calgary game (which they won 4-2). It's been good hockey times for me!

I should have something wonderful and inspiring to say, but I do not. Perhaps in the new year. To bed I go. Good night all!

WITH ALL MY LOVE...

Well, I'm not sure if I'll be on-line over the holidays, so I will take this opportunity to wish you all a Merry Christmas.

The way my heart and spirit have been lately, I am anticipating a new beginning next semester. I'm not exactly sure what it will look like, but I know it involves me paying more attention to God. I want to love people the way they need to be loved, and while I knew it before I'm beginning to KNOW it now: the only way I can love people the way they need to be loved is if I am immersed to the point of being overwhelmed in my relationship with God.

Blessing to you all. I love you so very much! (If this was paper, there would be tear drops all over this).

A VOCAB LESSON BY ME, COURTESY OF DICTIONARY.COM

How: In what manner or way; by what means

do: make an effort

I: The self; the ego; Used to refer to oneself as speaker or writer

encourage: To inspire with hope, courage, or confidence; hearten; to give support to

my: Used preceding various forms of polite, affectionate, or familiar address

friends: [people] with whom one is allied in a struggle or cause; a comrade

toward: In the direction of: driving toward home; In a position facing; In furtherance of

God: A being conceived as the perfect, omnipotent, omniscient originator and ruler of the universe, the principal object of faith and worship in monotheistic religions

?: a punctuation mark placed at the end of a sentence to indicate a question

End of vocab lesson.

So I've come to the conclusion that when I am going through a really crappy time, that is when I need to be interceding for my brothers and sisters in Christ. Of course I need to be doing this on a regular basis, but it seems that it is even more important when I am having a hard time. Of course it is easier to realize this than to actually do it, but I need to be faithful in this.

On another note: I got a letter today...from me. At the beginning of the semester, all the girls were split into groups and went from station to station throughout the school. One of the stations was in the "pit" in the lounge. At this stations, we were asked to write a letter to ourselves...something that the leadership would hold onto until around Christmas time. I've done something like this about 3 or 4 times over my 4 years here and each time I have anticipated getting the letter, still remembering (for the most part) what was in it. This time, however, I completely forgot about it. Even when I saw it, saw the date, and started reading it I was so confused as to when I had written it. Thankfully I somewhat know myself and so had written the setting in which I was writing it. I am always encouraged by these letters (to the point of crying at times). It is so good to see where I was at, to see where I thought I'd be going, and to see where I'm at now. Sometimes I wish I could keep what I have written so I can see my goals while I am going through the semester or whatever, but this way is good too.

We are leaving in 4 days! It is so hard to believe!

A BREAKING HEART...

It is so hard to love people when you don't know how they need to be loved and when you are afraid of rejection. There are a few people here who I am trying to love, but it does not seem to make any difference. I think the hardest part is loving people while their actions tell me that I pretty much don't exist. Thankfully there are only two people who come to mind for that part. It would be so much easier to just to stop trying because it is probably the hardest thing for me to go through. But I know that no matter how many times I have done the same thing to God, He has remained faithful in His love for me. His love is not based on my actions, but on who He is. In the same way, I have been called to love people based not on their actions, but on who God is.

ALIAS in real life?

So I got a letter recently stating that "There has existed for many years an exclusive association, a secret society of the world's most famous and powerful people....Members of the Nuova Tech Society have analyzed your profile....It seems you...possess several rare traits they are searching for...."

Of course they say that the information they sent me is confidential, so to keep it a secret, but you know - when they are sending this to people, trying to prey on their insecurities, offering false hope, trying to discount the work of God - I just can't let it go unsaid. It saddens me to know that there are people in this world who will fall in with this group, some people who are so prideful that they will turn their back on God with the expectation that their life will improve because of their own abilities.

Perhaps with some of them their life will seem to improve, but at what cost? They are forfeiting their souls! To be honest, even though my first thought was "Scam" I could see myself falling into their trap of flattery and false hope. Thankfully, however, I have a God who is bigger, a God who loves me, a God who has proven himself over and over again.

There have been other times recently where I have been challenged (not by people) to renounce God, times where I have been enticed to put my own needs ahead of God's desires, but yet again, God continues to be faithful and continues to show me the "bigger picture".

I am thankful for these "temptation in the desert" times because my faith matures as I rely on the one true God. He is my everything. Without Him I am and have nothing. As one of my favorite songs says, "Where could I go without You? Far, far away I would fall apart. Who could I be without You? Why even try without You? I'll hold onto You, I'll hold onto You, I'll hold on to You sweet, sweet Jesus."

LIVING IN THE REAL WORLD OR JUST WHAT WE THINK IS THE REAL WORLD???

To start: the FGBC Blog has been updated. (See link on side bar).

Now then...

How do you do the right thing when you are under pressure to get things done? How do you decide what the right thing is to do? When the people you respect so much are so set in their ways and so caught up in their own world that they lose sight of the truly important things, what do you do? How much do you put up with? When do you confront them? When do you just need to give up and walk away? When do you need to realize that not everything you think should happen should actually happen? BAH! ARG!

K, I'm done. Write more another time.

There is a lot about me that I do not know. I so desperately want to meet someone who I can connect with on many levels. I have connected with some people, and they've been great connections, but there is always something missing; something that is a big part of who I am. Unfortunately I do not know what that part is exactly because I have not found a way to process it, nor have I found anyone who can teach me in it. All I know is that I am aching inside, knowing that a big part of me is unknown to all but God. Perhaps it will always be that way, but I long for it to be drawn out of me.

I am so tired! My eyes are really sensitive right now.

While watching Kingdom of Heaven, reading blogs, and writing my internship journal, my heart has been penetrated once again. I have been reminded of the importance of loving people. I have been reminded that when I am searching people's hearts I become very in tune with the heart of God and am able to recognize the prompting of the Spirit. I have moved so far away from this calling in my life, but now I choose to come back to it.

Off to bed!