Last week one of the gi.rls on my floor sound out that her cousin (who is like a sister to her) di.ed and today another gi.rl on my floor found out her grandpa di.ed. I don't know if there's anything I can do. Nothing but pray right now, seeing as both of the gi.rls have gone to be with their families.


I am looking forward to Sr. High, not only because it is always a powerful weekend, but because that will mean that decorations will be finished. It is lloking really good in here. I am so proud of everyone for the hard work they've been doing these past few days. It'll be really good to see everything finished. It will be sad to take it all down again next Monday.

There's something I'm missing. What is it? What is God trying to teach me?

God has wired me in a strange way. I make connections between things and I see things in people that a lot of other people don't even recognize . Sometimes it is not a big deal, but other times it is really serious. You know how in movies you get to see what is going on in the character's life, so you know if the character is truly happy or if they are just pretending to be having a good time? That's what I tend to be able to notice in real life. Most of the time it only comes if I am intentionally trying to pay attention to it, but sometimes it is in front of my face so clearly that I cannot help but see it. The problem is that I don't often know what to do. It can take a really long time for me to figure it out. Sometimes it is important to tell the person right away that you know, other times it is better to wait for a while, and still other times it is better not to say anything about it to the person, but just bring that person and their situation before God. I couldn't put words to it until this morning, but now that I can, I know that I need to be praying for wisdom even more than I had been, especially now that I see a greater purpose in it.

I have been so focused on the sovereignty of God, that He is in control of everything. Because of this, I have not questioned why I, or others, go through the things we do, I have just accepted these things and gone through life, from one point to the next. But I remembered something this morning, causing me to learn something that I should have learned a long time ago: We are taken through many things, that we may learn from them. If I am not questioning God as to what He is trying to teach me, I am being more like an atheist rather than a Christian. It is good that I keep God's sovereignty in mind as I live, but in recognizing that sovereignty I need to be asking Him "why?" He may tell me or He may not, but it is really difficult to learn if I'm not interested in learning.

I'm actually angry...that doesn't happen very often. Why am I angry you might ask? Because of the horrible customer service I experienced tonight. Maybe I should be more understanding seeing as they were busy and maybe they had a bad day, but it is never appropriate to tell a customer you'll get them the drink (milkshake in this case) that they ordered over 1/2 an hour ago by saying, "If I have time. Did you really want it?" Of course I want it! That's why I ordered it and came to ask you about it! GRRR! I mean, the next closest place to get one is 45 minutes away! It is something small, but I had just been having a not-so-great day as it was.

I have been seeing the power of prayer somewhat more personally this past week. I hope I don't forget this.

Here I sit: frustrated about my feelings, yet patiently waiting (desiring and thinking that they will go away). My experience has been that if I don't spend quality time with God, I get in a down mood...partially feeling like depression, yet not. I like this because I am selfish and I don't like feeling this way, so I make sure that I spend time with God. I still drag my feet on it sometimes (like last night), but I do it nonetheless. The thing is is that for the last little while I have been falling asleep whenever I "get the chance". Unfortunately, those chances seem to come when I am trying to read a (really good) book for one of my classes, when I'm trying to spend quiet time with God, and many other times. I don't know why I am tired all the time. I can go to bed at 2am or 9:30pm and still feel tired the next day. I don't understand. But I know that God is in control of everything, so I am therefore not worried about how I am feeling because I know it is not about me, contrary to many of my actions and attitudes. Anyways, we've got chapel in a bit, so I'm off.

I love spending time in the presence of God: reading His Word, bringing my requests before Him, sitting quietly listening for His voice, and being so full of admiration for my God that I cannot restrain from worshiping Him.

I am so sick of the ab.use that goes on in our world, of the fear that tends to overpower, and of the negative self-image issues. And I ha.te not being able to do anything about it! The only thing that is keeping me going is that, because I can't do anything about it, I have a growing dependence on God. All I can do is pray about it.

Stemming from my previous post...


We, the Bride of Christ, need to be ready. He is holding Himself back with a tremendous amount of self-control. He is the Groom. He loves us more than anyone else does. Think of how much someone loves you. God loves you even more. Think of how much you love someone else. God loves them even more. He is full of joy as He awaits His Bride. Just picture His wide-open, brightly shining eyes as He looks down the aisle at His beautiful Bride. He is waiting for us to be ready. He is a gentleman and will not pressure us into something we are not ready for. When He knows that the time is right, however, He will come quickly, no longer needing to restrain Himself. He's waiting for us with the greatest intensity of love. Are we ready?


To understand a little more about what it means to be ready, go to Coralou's Feb.2/05 post.

Contemplate this Psalm, especially verses 7-9.

Psalm 24
Of David. A psalm.

1 The earth is the LORD's, and everything in it,
the world, and all who live in it;

2 for he founded it upon the seas

and established it upon the waters.



3 Who may ascend the hill of the LORD ?

Who may stand in his holy place?

4 He who has clean hands and a pure heart,

who does not lift up his soul to an idol

or swear by what is false. [a]

5 He will receive blessing from the LORD

and vindication from God his Savior.

6 Such is the generation of those who seek him,

who seek your face, O God of Jacob. [b]

Selah



7 Lift up your heads, O you gates;

be lifted up, you ancient doors,

that the King of glory may come in.

8 Who is this King of glory?

The LORD strong and mighty,

the LORD mighty in battle.

9 Lift up your heads, O you gates;

lift them up, you ancient doors,

that the King of glory may come in.

10 Who is he, this King of glory?

The LORD Almighty-

he is the King of glory.

Our school is leaking. We have buckets strategically placed around the campus to catch the water. There have been at least 4 in our lounge, 2 in our cafeteria, and 2 in our library. It's nuts!

This is a letter I wrote to God during class this morning when I was unable to concentrate:


God, I’m so tired. I need your refreshing. I need Your love so I can give love. I have little energy. I’m not as nervous about our presentation today. Thank You for that. God, no matter what is happening in my life and in my world, I know that You are good and that you are in control. When I am overwhelmed by my feelings and my circumstances, I do not see You negatively at any time. I know that I do not see how things really are. You have the perfect view of everything visible and invisible. I want to come where You are. I want to see as You see. In a way, I do. You have revealed to me the hope that can only be found in You. I cannot thank You enough for loving me, for saving me and allowing me to have a relationship with You. Father God, Lord Jesus, Holy Spirit please help us. We need You here at our school. Your sheep are lost. We are hungry and we are thirsty. In our lostness, we are finding food and water, but not in the satisfying way when we are close with You. We want You. We are trying to find You, but we are scattered and are not seeking You together. A few may find You, but what about the rest of us? We cannot hear Your voice. We don’t know which way to go so we can hear. The wolves are coming near. Please come. Please show us the way. Please open our eyes to see You and our ears to hear You. Open our hearts and spirits to Your moving. Help us to stay still and wait to enter Your presence. Help us to stop running from You, but to stop and turn around and fall into Your arms in desperation and dependence, then allow You to teach us to walk again, looking to You alone for approval.