Saturday, January 31, 2004

Well, I just found out my comments weren't working, so I decided to switch to Haloscan like I got other people to. I'm so confused as to what to do, so I'm glad God is in control. I want to apply for the recruitment team for the school. This would cover my tuition for next semester, which would be great, but it would also mean that I wouldn't get to see my niece very much. So like I said... I'm glad God is in control of all this.

Friday, January 30, 2004

Ok, you know the weather is crazy when they close down some schools in Saskatchewan! A lot of people here had plans to go away this weekend, whether it be for a soccer tournament or whatever else, but it's looking like most, if not all of them, will not be going. I will assume, for now, that the I am supposed to be tutoring this afternoon will not be able to make it again, but we'll see. In chapel this morning, we were told the story of Job in the form of a one man drama. It was good. Job loses everything in the matter of minutes, but doesn't blame God, until he thinks about it enough, then says that God isn't just and he wants to confront God. God then brings things into perspective for Job and Job ends up apologizing to God. Once again, the mystery of God prevails and the importance of humility was refreshed in our minds and hearts. I love God, even though He doesn't make sense most of the time...or maybe BECAUSE He doesn't. Who knows?

Wednesday, January 28, 2004

Grrr. I forgot to update my archives, so I lost the ones from the beginning of the month. I wish I could get it to add archive months automatically. I was supposed to tutor this afternoon, but because it's so cold, the student couldn't get here. I'll enjoy the break while I have it though.
OKAY! As much as I love the prairies, this is too cold for me! Hello, my name is Sylvia, and I am a southern BCer who likes the warmer climates. So yesterday, temperatures (all including the windchill) started off at -48C. You would think it would get warmer during the day, but NOOOOOOO! Around 7 last night, it was -56C and getting colder. So when I found out that today started at -52C, I am not looking forward to feeling the cold later on. Maybe I'll do what I can to keep myself from going back and forth between the dorm and the complex. Oh right. I forgot to mention: I got minor frostbite on Monday afternoon while trying to start my car (which ended up not working anyways) and it is getting more and more painful as time goes on. Well, that's enough complaining for now.

Tuesday, January 27, 2004

Well, that didn't take long. The changes I thought I was supposed to make got slightly conflicted in Pastoral Theology today. It wasn't a total conflict, just a slight adjustment. Actually, this happened right before our break to day and at the end of class. 2 different realizations actually, but they both made my mind feel like it was expanding and trying to wrap around the new thoughts going on inside. I love it! I really do. Can't wait to see what else comes my way...sort of.
I was on the 2nd floor of the dorm last night (as usual) and I heard some loud banging. I decided not to go check it out because I was in the middle of something important. I kinda thought it was somebody using the speed bag in the basement, but I wasn't really sure. A little while later I went downstairs to say goodnight to a friend and I asked her if she knew what the loud banging was. She said it was somebody using the speed bag, but that it was funny that I had heard it because she was in her room and she hadn't heard it. She said the only reason she knew that's what it was was because the person using it had came and asked her if she had heard it. Crazy! For our Theology 4 class, we are required to keep a weekly journal about how we see the Holy Spirit working in our lives. I wrote mine last night after chapel. It was really weird because an almost identical message was given in church on Sunday, but I didn't really think it applied to me, but a new perspective was added in chapel and I couldn't get away with thinking it wasn't for me. It was about giving control to God, not only of my life, but also regarding the lives of those around me. I have taken this new perspective to heart and I can already see the changes being made in my life. I'm excited, and still a little scared, of what else will come my way this semester.

Saturday, January 24, 2004

I've come to the conclusion that my car doesn't like me. There was no heat in my car, so i got it fixed. A couple friends borrowed my car for a few days and had heat the entire time. When I went to S'toon the day after I got my car back, there was no heat. 4 hours plus of driving with no heat in the middle of a Saskatchewan winter is NO FUN!!! At least it wasn't Winnipeg, though...it's colder there, but I also wouldn't have had to have driven that far if I was in Winnipeg. My worldview will probably be challenged a lot this semester, as I'm taking 3 Theology classes. It'll be good, though I'm expecting some headaches to come along with it. When I am taught new things and they help things fall into place, I can feel my mind expanding and trying to keep it all together.

Wednesday, January 21, 2004

My comments are being dumb right now and I think I may have made things worse. We'll see. Hopefully they'll be working again sometime soon.

Monday, January 19, 2004

I went to Katie's funeral today. When I had found out there was going to be a viewing, I was happy. I thought it would make it more real to me. I didn't think I would have a problem with it. (Before I get into everything, I would just like to say how thankful I am that the pastor was sure to also mention Nikki and her funeral during the service, because it helped us to grieve them together). As we walked into where they were holding the service, I looked around and saw some pictures of Katie. She is such an amazing gi.rl! After looking at the pictures, I looked around a bit more...to the front. I saw the coffin and was fine, then I saw a bit of her face and had to look away. I wasn't as ready for this as I thought I was. Eventually a friend and I walked over to where she was. As I was looking at her, it was so sad...it was her body there, but it wasn't her there. I had to leave and go to my seat quickly. I ended up with an aisle seat and could see her easily. I didn't want to stare, but I couldn't draw my eyes away. After a long time (about 1/2 an hour or so) I started to see things a little differently...the way I had thought before, but could now see. Katie is such a fun, loving, full of life, joyful gi.rl. Her body was just a jar of clay that held all of that in. What we saw of her was only a dimmed light of who she really was. That light seemed bright to us all, but now that it is out in the open, flying free, it is all that much brighter. I was feeling bad for feeling this way because it seemed like nobody else could see it, so I thought maybe I was being insensitive. When the pastor talked, however, he spoke of 2 Corinthians 4:18b: "For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." Though what we could physically see of Katie has passed on, Katie herself, everything that she is, is still alive, more alive than ever before. On January 16th, I read a quote that hit me right away and still continues to be true: "I wish you long life and happiness - for your long life will be my happiness!" (Anonymous). As much as we would love to have more time here with Katie, she is the happiest she could ever be. For those who don't know Katie, here are a few of her favorite quotes and verses that were mentioned: "Don't say the sky's the limit...there are footprints on the moon." "Are you living or are you just breathing?" Joshua 1:9; Isaiah 40:31; 41:10; John 3:16. Love you Katie! See you soon!

Sunday, January 18, 2004

Last night I passed up burgers and fries in the cafeteria only to go to the store and get a burger and fries last night...it's okay though...the one I had probably tasted better...besides, I wasn't back in time for supper last night anyways. After I got my food, I went back to some friends' place to watch another movie: "Johnny English". I had watched this at Christmas time, but fell asleep, so it was nice to see the whole movie come together. It seems even funnier when you're with people who laugh at pretty much anything. Jodi left today. I am sad. I will miss her. I decided today, well, maybe last night, that I am going to drop Greek. As much as I love it, I do not have it in me to give it all the atention it needs this semester. So, I am now back down to 3 classes again, one of which is a guided study. Because of this, I am almost positive that I will be returning for both semesters next year to make up for slacking off. It's really cool, though, for this semester because I will only have classes on Tuesday and Thursday afternoons, and both of those classes and my guided study are all with the same teacher. I'm still tutoring on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays for an hour each day. I need to talk to my supervisor, though so I can get some tips on how to help the student out more. I miss Winnipeg...such a beautiful city.

Saturday, January 17, 2004

Just finished watching "The Mummy Returns". Quite entertaining. I'm glad I had already signed out for supper though because the movie ran a little later than planned. I think I'll go uptown to grab something to eat. I might watch another movie later too...we'll see.

Thursday, January 15, 2004

I dont know how to express what's going on in myself, nor do I know what to say to others. Two gi.rls were killed in a car acc.ident yesterday, the guy with them is alive and in the hospital. All 3 were and are beautiful people. They shared so much joy with those who knew them. Katie and Nikki: you are lov.ed and missed greatly. You will never be forgotten. I am so greatful that you decided to serve God. You have now made it to where we all want to be some day. Jakes: hang in there, man. We love you.

Wednesday, January 14, 2004

I feel so lost right now. In a way I am glad to be in this state, but in another way...it sucks! So often I struggle with knowing what the right thing is to do. Well, not exactly the right thing, but what God would want me to do. I have heard so many people say that I just need to step out and make a decision and God will let me know if it was the right one. For the most part, I am alright with this answer, though of course I would like a more direct one, but I have learned that is not something I should expect, yet still hope for. Anyways, my reason for writing is to try to work through some stuff in my head, maybe get other people's thoughts on it. Earlier today I got really angry with someone because they hurt me a lot. From my understanding of what I am learning in class right now, I should tell the person that I felt hurt by what they did, while acknowledging that my getting angry in response to my hurt is my sin. A common response I would expect to hear from people is that I should confront the person and tell them that I was hurt and that what they did was wrong and that I don't deserve to be treated like that and, because they have hurt me in this way so many times before, that I am sick and tired of them playing games with me. From my current understanding of God and His Word, I should cry out to God for justice and let Him deal with it any way He sees fit, if He decides to do anything at all, because it is not my place to judge people, and if I try to, then I am not trusting Him. Unfortunately, I also find the Bible telling me to talk to the person who sinned against me, let them know what they did is wrong, and respond according to their response. There's so much more, but I can't even think right now.

Monday, January 12, 2004

I start tutoring in about a minute. I'm scared. I have tried to teach groups of people a few timees before and it has not gone well. I don't know why I agreed to do this. I feel completely inadequate, but it is too late to tun back now. Besides, she needs somebody. It must be really hard living and learning in a different country. Well, time for us to start, I guess.

Sunday, January 11, 2004

I love it when I meet people who are passionate about things that I have not particularly enjoyed orpaid attention to before. Before I came to school, I had no interest in learning about history, politics, or art (though I could definitely appreciate art from the little I knew about it). Now I have met people who eat these things up like candy. The way they talk about these areas and others makes me see these things in a new light. It's like they come alive when they can talk aout these things, which in turn leads me in a new understanding and draws me to care about these things as well. Thinking about this leads me to a question: Why don't I, as a Christian, talk about the Bible like this? Why do I not allow God's Word to consume me to the point where it is my greatest passion in life, where I come alive when I discuss it? Am I afraid of being labeled a fanatic? Am I too lazy and apathetic to bother reading it in such a way that it will penetrate my entire being? I need to learn God's Word in such a way that it will change the way I live, so as to draw people to the beauty of God, as well as to bring me to a new level of worship of God.

Thursday, January 08, 2004

So I finally stopped trying to avoid God...spent a bit of time with Him last night...basically for the first time since I got back to school...sad really. But anyways...I feel better about staying at school now. I set some goals last night for the semester...I think I can reach them this semester. I'm in a counselling class for mini-semester right now and today was my turn to be counselled by one of my classmates, which thankfully was also one of my friends. It took me a while to think of what I wanted to discuss...if there weren't 2 other people in the room it may have gone differently, but c'est la vie. Anyways...I found out that my RA got her money to come back to school. So excited!!!

Monday, January 05, 2004

Here i am...back at school. It's been really nice to see everybody again, but I'm still afraid of the challenges that are facing me this semester. I'm not exactly sure what they are, and because I'm afraid to face them, I'm not up for making the effort to figure it out. I know I have to, though, and I know this is the place to do it. I keep telling myself that I don't have time to think about it, but it's just that I don't want to...not really, or else I would. Argh! Well, off to waste more time...procrastinating as always.