Friday, July 28, 2006

The light shines in the darkness...

One day while I was sitting outside for one of my breaks at work, I definitely had the analogy "You are the light of the world" on my heart. I was thinking about it and really questioning God as to how that was possible. I mean, where I was working it felt so unbelievably dark and I felt as though the little light that I did have was barely making a difference there...and that was such a small place. If I couldn't shed much light there, how could I shine bright enough for the world?!?!

I realized (possibly again, but maybe for the first time) that I am the light of the world, in the small part of the world that I am given. Other people are the light wherever they are. When I went back to work, I had a different attitude...and was challenged right away in this area: I ended up working at the same table as one of the angriest, most cynical people I have ever met. But right from the get-go I was smiling, giving a new perspective on things, and being kind to her in anyway I could. And you know what? She apologized for how she was acting and she eventually lightened up a bit. It was amazing!

What I've been up to for the last week...

I started a new job last Friday. I didn't like it right away and wanted a new one. I was scheduled for an interview after work on Wednesday. I was fired on Wednesday, walked home, sat down, got a call for a job interview for Thursday morning, went to Wednesday's interview (which went well), went to Thursday's interview around 10:30am, was done the interviews and application process by 12:30pm, was offered (and accepted) the job around 3pm. I am happy because it is an office job and will be somewhat similar to my job at VersaCold last summer in Calgary. This job is at EV Logistics. I start Monday. So for 4 days I worked at a job I really didn't like and was paid minimum wage. Now I work at a job I know I will like and it pays more. Like I said: I am happy.

I watched 4 movies in the last 2 days: Failure to Launch, 16 Blocks (both endings), Nanny McPhee, and Glory Road. I liked them all. And some time within the next week, I will also watch Dreamer, which I heard was good.

Last night a friend and I went to meet some people at Cheers (a bar here in town). It was good to hang out with them, but I concluded this morning that I am allergic to smoke when I am in a confined space with it. I could hardly breathe when i woke up this morning. I hope to hang out with some of them again, but I know I won't be able to be in that section of Cheers again. Oh, and to anyone who might be concerned, relax, I drank a couple glasses of 7-Up.

5 more days and I will have the Internet hooked up at home. Hooray!

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

Throw out water...keep baby...got it...

I was watching this TV show on Saturday called "Islam 101". At one point, the "teacher" was talking about the 5 Pillars of Islam. One of the pillars is that they are required to pray to Allah at least 5 times per day. While we a Christians know that we are free to pray at every moment of every day and that we are to "pray continually", so we actually do it? I have found it to be difficult enough to set aside time in the morning to seek God. I am both shamed and inspired by the dedication of these people. We are supposed to be seeking the kingdom of God FIRST, yet that seems so far from what we actually practice. Having an attitude of prayer throughout our day is important, but setting that specific time aside for God...oh how He desires it!
I can understand why so many people choose Islam. From what I have seen they have everything right, but for one key thing: Islam does not recognize Jesus Christ as the Son of God. If we would put into practice the 5 Pillars of Islam (which fit very well within Christianity), yet recognize Jesus Christ for who He is, I have no doubt that this world would be transformed unbelievably fast.

Near the end of my time in Eston I was down in the prayer room, and as I was praying I was overwhelmed by the Spirit. He was yearning for God's people to pray. For so long no one was answering, but He just kept calling. He said, "Wake up Church! Come one Church! Wake up! It's time!" I kept wondering, "Time for what?" It took me a while to realize that He was meaning it's time to pray. I was reminded of when Jesus asked His disciples to keep watch and to pray, but they kept falling asleep. I hope we do not fall asleep this time, but that we keep watch and pray.

Change of Heart

On Sunday morning I "snapped" at my dad. Whether people would think I had good reason or not is besides the point. I should not be reacting based on people's actions/words, but based on the God whom I serve. (What was that in Counseling classes about Lousy/Blocked goals???). While I recognize this, I am finding it more and more impossible to do. It's like the more I try to have a godly attitude, the more I feel I am being attacked in this very area. And as I recognize this, my only response is to fall to my knees, begging God for His mercy and grace and for a change of heart and attitude on my part.

Friday, July 07, 2006

Well, I applied for this one job that I really really really really wanted. I had an interview on Wednesday that seemed to go pretty well. They phoned me the next day (yesterday) and told me I did not get the job. I was very diappointed, but I have not dwelt on it because I know that I and they put a lot of prayer into it and that it was left in God's hands. As much as I wanted that job, I would not want to have it if He did not want me there. I will continue looking for work and will hopefully find something soon, as my finances have dwindled down to about $9.

I now have all of my stuff set up that I need while I am living with my family. My dad turned the closet/storage area into a nice walk-in closet. I have now made that my "prayer closet". I have my stereo, CDs, books, Bible, journal, and pen nicely organized in there. As I walk in, I get ready whatever I plan to use, then I fall to my knees, put my face to the floor, and seek the face and heart of the Father.

My heart has been changing once again. I had lost sight of how things truly are. When I first began watching the news since being home, I would think and comment on how stupid people are acting, how they don't seem to care about other people. One of the first things that brought this on was when they said someone had intentionally started a forrest fire. I mean seriously, is the person that desparate to feel powerful? But even as I started commenting I was convicted about my attitude. As I began to see things more clearly my anger was turned into prayer. For what better way to fight than face down?!

From a song that has become so powerful to me I pray the words: "I want my heart to break for the hearts that You break for. I want my life to be intimate with You." I want to see this world through His eyes, I want to listen with His ears, I want my heart to beat in rhythm with His. There is nothing more that I want than to dive deeper into the heart of my Father, gazing into His loving eyes, walking in His footsteps as He leads me in His dance. And with this comes my prayer that His people would seek Him above all else, settling for nothing less.