I've been thinking recently that Christianity has become too unspiritual these days. I was sitting in chapel yesterday and something came to me, so I figured I'd write about it.


I was wondering why there are so many people, including myself, don't worship God the way they want to when other people are around (this time meaning mostly during an actual service, though it definitely includes any time we don't use the gifts God has given us when we know we're supposed to). I came to the conclusion that, for myself, it is because I am so often afraid of what people will think. There's always a difficulty in trying to find a balance in the way we live. There have been enough people who have been fake while attempting to be spiritual because they are trying too hard. I have been trying to avoid being fake in the "overly spiritual" sense, but I have lost sight of the balance and have not been doing everything that God asks of me. The Pharisees were confronted with having the right outward acts, but not the right heart. We are to have both. They were being fake because their hearts were not in the right place. I do not even have all the right outward behavior that I am being convicted of in my heart. I have thought that my heart was fairly good, but the fact that I do not do what God is asking me to do makes me think differently about that.


Through conversations with a few people, I have become aware, again, of who God is asking me to be and what He is asking me to do. The key word for both of these is love. And I have been convicted yet again for not being completely real in my worship of God in chapel services. There is this one guy who does not hold back when he worships God. At first I was a little freaked out...especially when he was worshiping the same way at church where that kind of worshiping almost seems taboo. But the more it happened and the more I have thought about it, the more I admire his lack of concern for what other people think about how he worships God. He only seems to be concerned with what God thinks. When I see him worship God, I am intrigued. There is something different about him. I want that something. This is what is supposed to happen to non-Christians when they are around Christians. There is supposed to be that something that is mysterious that draws them in. I don't want to be spiritually fake in either direction. I just want to be in continual submission to God.

Today is good. Every day is good, but I especially recognize it today. Today is my niece's 2nd birthday! So weird to think of because I've been away at school for most of her life.


Also, my internship is set for next year. I will be interning at the school under Danielle (yes, Martell). I'm not exactly sure what I'll be doing, but I'll be finding out more as Danielle finds out more.


I have one more class left for today: Revelation. I am excited for that class. I used to be afraid to read Revelation because I thought it dealt with things that were too difficult for me to understand. And in a way, that is true. Then I started reading through it because of the "Left Behind" series, then I stopped again. A couple years ago I learned that Revelation has to do with worship. That is why I took this class: because I want to worship God in a more meaningful way.


My passion for God has resurfaced and in the face of the truth I have been taught over the last few years, it is stronger and more real.


Anyways, off to class!

Well, just thought I'd add to the health problems that seem to be abounding: I am still sick. That's on the smaller end of things. On the larger end: I got an email from one of my friends I graduated with...her brother is bleeding internally. The doctors aren't sure if it's his intestines or his colon. And I just got off the phone with my mom...my (step)dad, who has had a stroke and a heart attack, is having more problems. His heart is supposed to be working at about 40-50%, but it's only working at 11% right now. The doctor told him to tell people so we wouldn't be surprised if something happens to him.


I am always surprised at how many people are in the library at once. At least half of the student body is gone this weekend, yet the library has been packed all day. I know the freshmen have 2 "library only" assignments due next weel, but it still surprises me. And it's not only this weekend...usually when I go in there or by there, there are a bunch of people in there...moreso than any of my last 2 years here. It's weird, but good.


Well, off to play Zuma, then finish the kitchen laundry.

I got the opportunity to sleep until 7:30am this morning as opposed to 6am this morning because I didn't have to make breakfast...the SRC made other plans for that. Unfortunately my body is on a schedule so i woke up at 6am anyways. Thankfully I was really tired last night and was asleep before 10pm last night. When I went to leave the dorm this morning I found a snow drift inside the dorm door, a broken bar handle on the door, and the impossibility of opening the door. Thankfully there's another door so we all just have to go out that one instead. I am excited for juice and muffins this morning (please be banana-chocolate chip muffins!!!).

The "Year of Favor" strikes again: CONGRATULATIONS LEIF AND CARA!!!


Oh! And Happy Birthday Danielle!

One Year

WHY? This has been the question on my mind. What that why consists of? There's too much to even consider writing about. I find it so hard to relate to people who are at a very different point in life than I am right now. I...don't know. I've been trying to get a good sleep every night ot try to shake this cold, but I keep myself awake at night with my coughing. I mean seriously, it's been a week and a half now...why isn't it gone??? It started in BC and just hasn't gone away. Chelsea did my nails last night (RED!). I'm wearing earrings (short dangly dolphin ones) (silver). I can't believe mini-semester is almost over (2 more days), yet this week is dragging on. I've gotta finish reading Disappointment With God...soon. We get daily assignments for our mini-semester class (Psychology of Counseling I). Questions so far: What would you love for God to do through your life? What is your greatest virtue or asset and how does that affect your relationships with others? Who, other than Jesus, has most positively influenced your life? (Write them a letter...don't mail it!). Who has most negatively influenced your life? (Write them a letter...don't mail it!).

CONGRATULATIONS DAN AND CHARISSA!!! God bless you both!

We had our first of three Deeper Life Services last night. Some questions come to mind when I think of these services and other big events like them. Why does God seem to show up powerfully at these meetings every time? I mean, He doesn't have to. Just because so much prayer is put into these services doesn't make God do anything. He does it because He wants to. He is giving us a gift. Perhaps it is because we expect God to do things, so our hearts are more open to the things He has for us. Why don't we put as much prayer into the rest of our lives? Why don't we expect God to do things, and so make our hearts open to Him, all the time?

Before lunch I witnessed one of the most beautiful things: I came into the lounge and saw a lot of students standing along the outside of the pit. Then I saw and heard Mandy singing and playing piano (for her class presentation). It brought joy to my heart because I was able to see her using her gifts and in doing so, drawing people to God. As I watched and listened, everything within me was closer to God. I could not turn away from Him. Even things that would normally captivate me were not even in or near my thoughts.

Well, now that I have finally caught up on my blog reading I suppose I should take the time to write a little something...


I am cold and sick (a cold) and in pain...for those who don't know, I (according to my doctor) twisted or sprained my ankle or something. Gee, thanks doc...I couldn't have figured that one out on my own. Anyways, this was on Boxing Day and it is still sore and swollen. I'm going to be icing and wrapping it tonight, so we will see how that goes.


In other news...I may be able to do my internship here at the school next year...I will know a little more tomorrow, but probably not much until quite a bit later in the semester. Thankfully I am not stressed about it. I think that is because I see a few options opening up for me.


I feel like there is more I should be saying, but I don't know what right now, so I will go take some neo-citran or something, do my assignement for tomorrow, then go to bed. Good night all!