Monday, February 09, 2015

Passion vs Fear

I was sitting in church yesterday, listening to various people in the congregation share/bring prayer requests. I was hoping someone would bring up the fact that it was the International Day of Prayer focused on human trafficking, but it didn't happen. Our pastor was about to end the sharing time and have us join with her in praying, when a man raised his hand to share. After this, the pastor looked around to see if anyone else had anything to share and I found the courage to do so. I find it incredibly difficult to talk to people in general (even friends sometimes), and I feel various measures of anxiety, so thinking about sharing in a large group can be very paralyzing. I know that not everyone has the same interests/passions and that because getting involved in helping to counter human trafficking is something that has become part of who I am over the last 3 years, it is my responsibility to share events like the IDP and more, and I managed to do that yesterday. It was a very revealing (to me) time. I brought it as a prayer request (which took maybe 30 seconds), and although I wanted to say more I was caught off guard by the emotions beginning to surface. After we spent some time in prayer together, I sat there thinking about what happened while I was sharing and what it could mean.

The emotions that began to surface were not the usual shame/anxiety/fear that comes when I speak in large groups. This time it was...passion. The kind that brings tears, a sense of urgency, the forgetting of self in the presence of something greater. It makes me wonder if I, who have been terrified to be "the voice", could actually put on an awareness event / fundraiser, allowing the passion to overcome the paralyzing fear. Could this be something that God uses to show His glory through me? (as it would be clear to those who know me that speaking would not be even close to my first choice). Could sharing in church yesterday be the beginning of a new kind of sacrificial living?

Welcome to another aspect of a "journey through my mind". I do not know if the above thoughts/questions will have a "Yes" answer, but I am going to hold onto them as possibilities.

I don't want to make this post much longer, but there are two topics that are now on my mind to write about: 1. prayer  2. human trafficking
Stay tuned...