A Good Visit

My mom and I went to my grandma's yesterday for our bi-weekly visit. These visits always consist of playing Scrabble and Saskatchewan Rummy, but other than that they can vary. Yesterday we ended up playing Blackjack as well. Little things (like turning the first card face-up) were really getting to us in a good way. One of the best quotes of the day was by my grandma when she answered the phone, "I just have to take out my hearing-aid so I can hear." Numerous times we broke out into hysterical laughter. It was a good visit, one that brought back memories of how our visits always used to be.

Grandma

I love my grandma. She will be 85 tomorrow, but we celebrated her birthday today. It is getting harder and harder to visit her because she is feeling the effects of old age in both her physical health and her mental health. We still have normal conversations and we still play card games and Scrabble, but she is starting to really struggle with these things she has done her whole life. It is very hard to watch because she and my mom and I are so much alike, so it's like seeing where I could be at in 50 some odd years. And it is hard because she is the only grandparent I have ever really had. When I was driving her home tonight she said the family needs to start taking things from her place because she won't always be around for that stuff and she wants to know where her things end up. While I know she won't always be around, that is something I don't like to think about. When I do think about it, my eyes start to well up. I love my grandma very much and I am so thankful for the time we've been able to spend together over the years.

Goodbye EV, Hello life

I swiped out for the last time today. I turned in my card, my key, and my stamp, hugged co-workers goodbye, and walked out. I have no regrets in taking the job at EV and I have no regrets in leaving it. I met some wonderful people who I will miss seeing on a regular basis, but I know I will see some of them outside of work still. As I was driving towards the main road, I had one somewhat sad moment: I would not see the amazing view of the sun coming over the mountains as I leave work in the mornings. I will, however, have many opportunities to see both sunsets and sunrises in new places. I am already enjoying knowing that I will be on a normal sleep schedule again after 2 years of switching between sleeping during the day when I worked and during the night on my weekends. While my overtime at EV is paying off now, I am hopeful that I will soon be working for a company that will allow me to have a set schedule. I look forward to this next part of my journey.

CSI

What is it with this show? I can sit and watch it for hours. It's more addicting than facebook! Even if it's episodes I've seen recently I will still sit there and watch it. If there was channel CSI, I would likely be a subscriber. For the amount that I watch it, I can't believe I still have a lot of episodes to watch. Maybe one day I will invest in buying the series. I know most of the show is not flimed in Vegas, but I wonder if I can find a CSI jacket or something while I'm there...

Update?

I want to update, but I don't know what to write, so I leave you with this:

I have a headache.
I want a McFlurry.
I need a job.
I am excited about Vegas.
I want more, yet I am content.

Well, there's a 1/2 hour left before I check out the new 90210. Just enough time to go get that McFlurry...

Venting

I need to vent, but I don't know how. There's so much going on, yet there's nothing going on. I want to throw things, I want to scream, I want it all to be over, I want to cry, I want to let go, I want to hold on. I'm angry, I'm sad, I'm scared, I'm confused. I feel like I have so much bottled up inside of me that I just can't let out. It's like it (whatever "it" is) is so deeply rooted that it can't be pulled out, or it is under so much pressure that it's going to burst any time now. I feel like a walking time-bomb. It's work, it's friends, it's God, it's...I don't know what it is! The one person I came to really trust since coming back to Abby, the one person who I felt I could be honest with, who understood me, has moved away. I didn't even get to say goodbye (or see ya). Those moments are so important to me, so I do what I can to ensure it happens. This time it didn't work. I miss my friend...a lot. It's times like these when I lose sight of the importance of relationships. Sometimes it seems like it would be so much easier to not care...much less heartache. I am so sick of people having almost every excuse in the book not to go into work. And as much as I love my place of employment for wanting to help people out, willing to give the many chances, I hate it at the same time because people take advantage of it, knowing their not going to get fired. I'm sick of my schedule (and a few other people's schedules) getting changed around so much. I put up with it for now, saying it's only temporary, but it's hard to deal with, especially lately with all this other crap going on. I hate how there are and have been so many people (whom I have considered friends) making random trips to the Vancouver area, but don't even mention they're coming let alone attempt a visit. I'd vent about God too, but what's the point...He's right, I'm wrong.

A poem I came across in an email

You're...
My friend,
My companion,
Through good times and bad,
My friend,
My buddy,
Through happy and sad,
Beside me you stand,
Beside me you walk,
You're there to listen,
You're there to talk,
With happiness,
With smiles,
With pain and tears,
I know you'll be there, throughout the years!

Quite the Encounter

Everlasting God (by Lincoln Brewster)

Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord
Wait upon the Lord
We will wait upon the Lord

Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord
Wait upon the Lord
We will wait upon the Lord
Our God You reign forever
Our Hope our strong Deliverer

You are the everlasting God
The everlasting God
You do not faint
You won't grow weary

You're the defender of the weak
You comfort those in need
You lift us up on wings like eagles

While I was at Encounter Weekend in Eston a few weeks ago, we were singing this song. I was standing on the balcony of the church, looking out over everyone gathered in the sanctuary. I was overwhelmed as I sang these words, for the thoughts that came to me were that God is our strength when we wait on Him, and that because we are His children we take on some of His characteristics.
He is the everlasting God - the things He was speaking to us that weekend will remain with us. We will not forget and we will not ignore. We will take what He said and go with it.
As His children, we need to be defending the weak, comforting those in need, and encouraging and supporting each other.
I did not leave this weekend on a "spiritual high" like I usually would. I like those spiritual highs because they give me that extra bit of strength I need to keep going or to help me see more clearly. But this time it seems as though there was a seed planted deep within, a seed that will not be neglected but will grow over time and spring up suddenly. Even before this weekend I knew that I was in the midst of a long-term "waiting game" (and have been for quite a few years now). I was assured this weekend that I have not missed my chance, but that I have a few more years of waiting. The question I have now is, what will I do during this time of waiting? How do I prepare for the unknown? I will spend time with Him. I will not waste my time away. I will wait purposefully.

Justice

Why is this word popping up every which way I turn? Books, movies, radio, conferences.... It's driving me crazy!

"He has shown all you people what is good. And What does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God." Micah 6:8 TNIV

The Parable of the Good Samaritan

25On one occasion an expert in the law stood up to test Jesus. "Teacher," he asked, "what must I do to inherit eternal life?"
26"What is written in the Law?" he replied. "How do you read it?"
27He answered: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind'; and, 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'"
28"You have answered correctly," Jesus replied. "Do this and you will live."
29But he wanted to justify himself, so he asked Jesus, "And who is my neighbor?"
30In reply Jesus said: "A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, when he fell into the hands of robbers. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him and went away, leaving him half dead. 31A priest happened to be going down the same road, and when he saw the man, he passed by on the other side. 32So too, a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side. 33But a Samaritan, as he traveled, came where the man was; and when he saw him, he took pity on him. 34He went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he put the man on his own donkey, took him to an inn and took care of him. 35The next day he took out two silver coins and gave them to the innkeeper. 'Look after him,' he said, 'and when I return, I will reimburse you for any extra expense you may have.'
36"Which of these three do you think was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of robbers?"
37The expert in the law replied, "The one who had mercy on him." Jesus told him, "Go and do likewise."

This is one of my favorite parables. I love when it is put into practice.