Well, since we had our family Christmas on last Sunday, I stayed at my friends' place on Christmas Eve, then we went to his family's place for lunch and her family's palce for supper. I had fun, but it was weird being away from my family on Christmas day. And now (Christmas night) I'm staying at another one of my friend's places 'cause we decided to watch a movie tonight, then I'm gonna go to church with her tomorrow...it'll be weird but good. I used to go to this church when I was like 4. It's where I came home from one day and told my mom that witches aren't in heaven (from the prayer, "Our Father which art in heaven..."). I can't believe I'm only here for another week. It's good though. It'll be a good amount of time. It's been a much needed break that has helped me to start putting things into perspective. Mini-semester should be...interesting...with all the talk of self-protectiveness and blocked goals and repentance and what not.


I wish I could grasp the concept of a sinful nature, that the good I see and think I do/have/etc is not true goodness, but that sin has distorted everything I do and see. And I am seeing that being confused is a good thing because it makes me dependent on God, but how do I know if I am really depending on God and moving forward in Him or if I am just giving up and just going through life. If my perception is distorted by sin, how do I know if I am truly depending on God or if I just THINK I am depending on God? And if I'm not supposed to know these things, why am I being told to think about them and ask about them?


And why are we so blind to the sin in our own lives and the lives of others? And if we see it in other people's lives, why are we too afraid to love them in a way that challenges them to look at themselves and turn to God in those areas? And why when we start to become aware of sin in our own lives do we not deal with it directly? Why do we try to put it off to the side, perhaps to "deal with it later...when I have the time"? Why do we insist on being in control of our own lives even when we know we don't know what to do or know that we can't do anything? Why do we fight against God when He always has the best for us? Why is it so hard for us to trust Him?


...


And the questions never stop. I feel like I'm going round in circles with everything!