I Hate/I Love

I hate saying goodbye. Whether it's with people I have known for years or those who I have only just started getting to know. ("It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all."--Yes, but it sure doesn't feel like it some times! I hate it when it seems I am the only one making an effort in a relationship. I hate how draining it is to put everything I am into my relationships. I hate losing friendships. I hate getting to the point where I consider not making any effort in my relationships and seeing what happens because this thought goes through my mind so often, and yet I refuse to give into it because if I start playing games like that I will miss out on some great times with some great people. I hate not knowing where to draw the line. I hate how important friends are to me. I hate my insecurities and fears. I hate having difficulty expressing what I'm thinking/feeling. I hate my lack of discipline.

I love the fact that God uses my friends and my thoughts of friendship to talk to me/teach me. I love the underlying peace He has given me...even in the midst of heartache. I love that people can feel free to talk for hours on end without being interrupted and know they are being listened to. I love that I learned how to think. I love the blue-black transition of the sky at night, as well as the sunrises and sunsets. I love it when God and His Word are revealed to me in new ways. I love the fact that God never gives up on us. I love the people God has brought into my life (for any length of time/for any purpose). I love that I have been so blessed to have someone in my life who I could tell anything to and know that they would still love me and still want our friendship to continue and grow. I love that God is in control of everything and that he always does what is best.