Well, since we had our family Christmas on last Sunday, I stayed at my friends' place on Christmas Eve, then we went to his family's place for lunch and her family's palce for supper. I had fun, but it was weird being away from my family on Christmas day. And now (Christmas night) I'm staying at another one of my friend's places 'cause we decided to watch a movie tonight, then I'm gonna go to church with her tomorrow...it'll be weird but good. I used to go to this church when I was like 4. It's where I came home from one day and told my mom that witches aren't in heaven (from the prayer, "Our Father which art in heaven..."). I can't believe I'm only here for another week. It's good though. It'll be a good amount of time. It's been a much needed break that has helped me to start putting things into perspective. Mini-semester should be...interesting...with all the talk of self-protectiveness and blocked goals and repentance and what not.


I wish I could grasp the concept of a sinful nature, that the good I see and think I do/have/etc is not true goodness, but that sin has distorted everything I do and see. And I am seeing that being confused is a good thing because it makes me dependent on God, but how do I know if I am really depending on God and moving forward in Him or if I am just giving up and just going through life. If my perception is distorted by sin, how do I know if I am truly depending on God or if I just THINK I am depending on God? And if I'm not supposed to know these things, why am I being told to think about them and ask about them?


And why are we so blind to the sin in our own lives and the lives of others? And if we see it in other people's lives, why are we too afraid to love them in a way that challenges them to look at themselves and turn to God in those areas? And why when we start to become aware of sin in our own lives do we not deal with it directly? Why do we try to put it off to the side, perhaps to "deal with it later...when I have the time"? Why do we insist on being in control of our own lives even when we know we don't know what to do or know that we can't do anything? Why do we fight against God when He always has the best for us? Why is it so hard for us to trust Him?


...


And the questions never stop. I feel like I'm going round in circles with everything!

Well, after spending many hours at airports on Friday, I made it home. I spent Saturday with my family (my niece is SO cute!!!), then went to my friend's place that night. I got to see one of my friends who I haven't seen in like 3 years! It was so good. Sunday I went to church only to find out that that was the last service...ever...for my church.


So, I had been thinking of leaving my church for a couple years now, but I kept giving it another chance. Then I came home this Christmas with the attitude of "I'm going to find out what direction the church is going in, then see if I have anything to offer. If not, I will tell them that I am going to find another church." So, with my attitude changed from "I'm not getting anything out of this" to "What can I do?", my decision was made and I no longer have a home church. Odd. I've been going to that church for just over 9 years now. But this is giving me one part of the freedom I need to move on. Another part, which came about through a conversation with the friend I hadn't seen for 3 years, I can see coming. I've seen it coming for a while, but various conversations and events keep bringing it closer into being. It is something I really don't want to happen, because it in itself sucks, but it will give me more freedom to move on and go where God leads me.


I am excited to see the work God is doing in me even now over the holidays.


When I came home, there were 7 movies I wanted to see. One of them I think I will wait till video. I saw National Treasure. I enjoyed it. The other 5 I will hopefully see over the next couple of weeks.


We already had our family Christmas, but I'm going to have Christmas with my friends and their parents on Saturday. Then, if all goes well, I'll be going to stay with Kaleena somewhere between the 28th and 30th.


And just for an update...I have been doing some reading. I'm about 1/2 way through the 1st counseling book. I thought it was going to be really technical, but it's not. I'm enjoying it. It is a good book. God is working in me through it already.


I was thinking of my classes for next semester and other things that will be happening. I am excited to see what God has in store.


Well, gotta go. Have a good Christmas everyone!

I can't believe this semester is actually over. I finished my last exam this morning, we're about to eat lunch, then I'm off to Saskatoon, and finally to Abbotsford. I am so excited to go home! I get to see my niece tonight (even if she is sleeping). I hope she remembers me. It's going to be weird not having a bedroom anymore, but that's okay. I kinda like sleeping in the living room anyways. If all goes well, I will get my counselling books read and maybe even some of my assignments written out. I hope for this every break, but I can't usually seem to get into it, but I will have a lot of time at the airport, and hopefully I've become a bit more disciplined to be able to get these things done. But if not, that's okay. I mean, this is a vacation after all! *Oh no! Already on the verge of procrastination!!!*

Okay, so all afternoon and evening on Saturday, I finshed reading the LOTR (yes the whole thing), then that night I had a sleep over at Amy's with her and "the posse". It was great! We played Heartthrob (Amy couldn't get her mind off "Johnny"), then we watched 13 Going on 30 and finally got to sleep around 3:30am. I got up at 8:40am, came backto the school to do some kitchen laundry and get ready for church. After chucrch and lunch, I worked on my 10 page paper for Inklings, had supper, continued working on my paper, went to the Christmas presentation at the church (left early), continued working on my paper...finally finishing around 6am. Slept till about 7:30am, edited and printed off my paper, had a breakfast meeting, handed my paper in just before 9am, napped from about 10-10:30am, did some kitchen laundry, went to class, had lunch, went to class, played Mario Kart with Rach and Joss, phoned my mom, put some of MY laundry in, then went to take a nap from 4-5pm. Well, that nap turned into a deep sleep from 4-10:30pm (so I missed supper AND chapel...I am sad). I finished my laundry, visited with some people, then went back to sleep from about 12:30-7:30am. So in the span of 15 hours, I slept for about 13. I am now refreshed. Had a nice shower, a good breakfast, got caught up on my blog reading, and now here I am, keeping my site updated. I am happy. And even more so now because somebody...Din Din...is playing guitar in the lounge. Today I will study for my exams of which I have one (Inklings) on Thursday afternoon and one (Oral Communication) Friday morning.

Well, it took me a while to get around to it again, but I finally finished reading The Lord of the Rings. I am SO excited!!! And I'll be even more excited when I finish my 10 page paper that's due at 9am tomorrow morning. Well...kitchen laundry, church, lunch, start my paper, supper, finish my paper, sleep...if all goes well that is.

My left arm and shoulder are sore again. I'm not exactly sure what it is, but I think it's from the repetetive motion from folding kitchen laundry. I am, however, switching campus services next semester...back to making breakfast...I'm excited.


I had such a good night at the Christmas banquet last night. It was probably my favorite one yet. There are some people who just really end up surprising you when you get to know them...lots of people actually, but last night was one of those ones that just stands out.


Somebody asked me a question before the Christmas banquet started, which I ended up thinking about the reasoning behind it in negative terms. I didn't think about it until after the banquet, when I was on my own, doing kitchen laundry and afterwards. By the time I got around people again, I had been trying to change my mindset and think of the harmless reasoning behind the question. It kind of worked. I ended up watching The Grinch Who Stole Christmas (with Jim Carey) and talking with a friend. Turns out the thing that's strongly been on my heart and mind over the last month / month and a half ended up being the same for her last night. Must be the time of the year.


Well, we've got brunch pretty quick, then campus cleanup. I can't believe Christmas break starts in 6 days!!! I am so excited to see my niece!

Ok, my challenge is taken care of, well, that part anyways. I've been thinking for a long time that I need to get a mentor who is older than me, but for various reasons, well, ya...it hasn't been working. I've been talking to people about it and I've been more recognizing my need for one, but I've been hesitant in asking. But this morning, after my last post, I confronted my fears and asked Nancy P. to mentor me, so we'll be starting that next semester. Now I'm scared as to where that will take me, but I am trying to trust in God. I may be getting another official peer mentor, though this one will be both formal and informal, whereas the other one has been informal, which has also been good. Anyways, I've gotta run for class.

I'm being challenged right now. By God and other people (about the same thing). I do not know if I have the courage to face this challenge right now. I want to, sort of, but it scares me. Perhaps I will go do my part of it before class and see what happens. This has been a long time challenge, but it has beome more real over the last few days. Oh good...a distraction. OK, I'm going, I'm going.

Well, when I got back from Winnipeg I didn't think I would be doing any out-of-town travelling until Christmas. Last Friday I drove to S'toon, well, half an hour outside of S'toon) to cheer on the volleyball teams. It was fun. They couldn't hear me, unless they were serving on the side I was sitting on, but it was fun nonetheless. Then I spent Saturday afternoon and evening in S'toon. We watched The Forgotten and Alexander, with having dinner in between. Alexander was good. The Forgotten was good and highly entertaining. Dinner was good. But the best part of that day was the conversation. There was honesty without holding back. I wish I had this in all my friendships. Anyways, I ended up driving to S'toon again yesterday. This time I went with Vanessa. We watched Ladder 49, went to BP for dinner, shopped at Wal-Mart (I bought pink clothes :S), and went to McD's for icecream. Once again, the conversation over dinner and to and from S'toon was the highlight. I love one-on-one conversations with people. It helps me to get to know them (and them me) so much better. While last weekend there seemed to be, for the most part, a central topic, last night we talked about a variety of things, but with depth for the topics that needed it. Well, I have to go do some more homework. This is my break between lunch and supper. I am SO looking forward to dinner and a movie (IN TOWN!) tonight. It'll be good to hang out and relax with friends, who have basically become family.

I like to know where I was at the same time last year, so I decided to read my blog from last November 20th. I see not much has changed for this time of year. I've got a major paper due on Monday and I've only got my outline done. I will be busy tonight and tomorrow...and Monday perhaps (PLEASE NO!!!). I am doing a lot better when it comes to my feelings regarding my friendships. Some strange things have been happening in that arena. I am enjoying it, but it is taking a little while to get used to. It's actually been like this since the start of the year, with people suddenly showing that they want to spend time with me, and me opening my heart up to more people. I am so thankful for the friends I have. I am truly blessed to have them in my life. I have to plan a date with God for some time in the next 3 or 4 days...what shall we do? I have some ideas, but I'm not entirely sure yet. I'm excited for it though.

It's so good to be back in Winnipeg again! We had a good trip out here...lots of singing and laughing. We stayed in Regina on Wednesday night, and left around 7:30 Thursday morning. We stopped at a little restaurant in Moosomin for breakfast. I think it was called Country Squire Inn. Anyways...they had really good food, service, and prices. We were all pleased.


On the way to Winnipeg, I saw a sign for the Swinging Bridge in Souris, which I've been on, but nobody else in the car had, so I took them to see it. We were thinking how fun it would be to have a digital camera with us so we could do our own video of our adventures. Souris is a good town to sho.ot videos in. We had some fun and did the bridge scene from Shrek. It was great! Cara said she wanted to go to Starbuck's while we were here, so we ended up making a bit of a game with it when we saw a sign for the town of Starbuck, then the Starbuck Credit Union, then a coffee shop with a similar sign to Starbuck's. Though she has not yet got to a real Starbuck's...today though.


Cara, Mandy, and I went for coffee with Kyle last night, then after he left, we went to see a movie. We were going to watch Ladder 49, but it was 7:40pm and the next one didn't start till 10:05pm. We looked at some of the other movies and it was basically the same thing...we were too late or too early for them. There was one, however, that was starting at 7:50pm. Alfie. Now, I had remembered seeing previews or something for it, but I didn't remember what it was about. I'm a Jude Law fan, though, so I was up for it. We decided to be adventurous and go see a random movie. Mandy ended up asking somebody what the movie was about, but Cara and I didn't want to know so we didn't listen. Within about the first 10 minutes of the movie, I thought about walking out, but I decided to give it a chance. I was sitting a seat away from a couple gir.ls who were pretty vocal during the movie. I decided to watch the movie in more of a study way than just pure entertainment, so I was paying attention to the audience's reactions during the movie, and just seeing how accurately this movie reflects life "in the real world".


When the movie was done and we started talking about it, I realized how much of an impact Integrative Seminar has had on me. I mean, I knew it had, but I just got to see it in a new way. Int the theatre and driving through the city, I was just looking at people, desiring to reach out to them, to take them for coffee and just talk. I want to help them to see first that they are missing something, and second what that something is. Honestly, if I was driving and didn't have other people in the car, I would have stopped to talk to this one guy who was just sitting on a bench.


When we got back to Sarah's place, Cara and I, and eventually Mandy, were talking about the movie some more. We started questioning what holds us back from talking with people. I believe the major conclusion we came to is that we are afraid of not saying the right thing or not having the answers. This movie helped me to once again see that people in our world are lost, and that there are some who realize it and are looking for answers. I think I am finally at the point where I'm not really all that concerned about not having the answers. People need something. I have it. I just need to show them love the way I know how, and pray that God will work through me when I do.


The content of the movie was accurate and necessary. There were a few scenes where I was quite impressed with how they were portrayed on the screne. It's hard to describe without telling about the movie. All I have to say is give the movie a chance. Be warned about the se.xual content, but watch it nonetheless. And if possible, watch it with someone who IS lost because if they are in the right mindset, it could be a great witnessing tool.

I woke up to the radio a couple days ago and was greeted with "It's gonna be warm today, 5 degrees." Ok, where I come from, it rarely gets that cold so it's really weird to hear that. I can never estimate what the temperature is here because when it is 5 degrees here, it feels like 17 degrees or so would back home.

I love my Integrative Seminar class. It is my favorite thus far. I am constantly challenged in what I think about and how I think about it.

I had a great lunch meeting with Amy today. I am so blessed to be able to call her my friend. I'm looking forward to my supper meeting with Sarah.

I am constantly surprised at how people see themselves. The negativity they have towards themselves. It is tragic. I can only hope that they will soon see their beauty and their giftings.

Ok, this whole internship thing is getting harder all the time. There are 3 things I am considering right now: working at the Dream Centre in Calgary, teaching ESL in Japan, and doing some kind of street ministry/recovery house ministry in Prince George. I had a vision about 5 years ago and the Dream Centre is almost identical...the only difference is it takes the vision a step further. When I went to Hungary, a lady (via a translator) told me that there were so many people who want to learn English, but there's nobody there to teach them. My heart sank and I just wanted to reach out. Athena's been asking me to go to Japan even before she went, but I had set the idea aside. But with this recent email, I was drawn to once again consider this. If I go to Prince George, I will already have connections and someone who will mentor me. The people I would likely be working with are people I did street ministry with in Prince George. Ya, so I don't know.

I was really hot this morning, then I went out for football and got REALLY cold, then I was hot again, then cold, now I'm hot again. If I get sick, let this be my personal reminder of why! I guess that goes for pretty much everyone here. I'm happy I don't have to go outside in this weather for church tomorrow...I actually agreed to work in the kitchen, then thought of the benefit of that afterwards...though I tend to forget that working in the kitchen in the morning also involves working in the afternoon as well. Oh well. C'est la vie!


Lost in Space Jurrasic Park: The Lost World Lost in Translation Raiders of the Lost Ark The Lost Boys Lost Highway Atlantis: The Lost Empire Home Alone 2: Lost in New York The Lost Weekend Spy Kids 2: Island of Lost Dreams Lost and Delirious Lost In La Mancha Lost Horizon Paradise Lost: The Child at Robin Hood Hills Lost Souls Love's Labour's Lost. These range from at least 1937-2004. How lost is this generation who does not seek Your face! How often are people seeking and not finding because they are not seeking with all their heart!

Ah the joys of being invaded! There are a lot of people here for football weekend. This is causing problems for some and joy for others and both problems and joy for still some others. As much fun as it can be about seeing old friends, it will be nice to have some "normalcy" once Wendesday hits. Well, off to finish my laundy and watch some football (gotta go support my s!!!).

There are some people who I really want to get to know, yet I am not confident in my social skills, which makes me too scared or unsure as to how to actually approach these people. It would be different if it was just somebody out there who I didn't know and thought it might be a good idea to get to know them, but I'm talking about the people who I feel drawn to, like we already have some kind of connection. I don't know. It's weird. Like, do I just go up to the person and say "Hey! I want to get to know you"? That is just weird. Words are not my forte. Prayers for confidence and trust would be greatly appreciated.

Ok...I feel like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman (without the pros.titute part of course). We drove up to Amy's place and I was immediately intimidated. She said her place was nice, but my goodness!!! Amy gave me a tour of her place and seriously...the living room is bigger than any place I have ever lived in! The room I'm staying in is great. I get a closet, dresser, and tv to myself...and a bathroom for the most part. Thankfully Amy and her parents are down to earth and very hospitable. I've been told to make myself completely at home. And Amy's mom is such a good cook. We had lasagna and ceasar salad for dinner...one of my favorite meals! It's one of Amy's friend's b-day today, so we might go to a party later tonight. And Edmonton is turning 100, so there are fireworks and what not tonight. This will be quite the weekend.

Weird how you can miss people you live with. I guess it's that whole "Quality time/Quality conversations" thing. Oh well...I have reading that needs to be done anyways.

So there were 12 of us who went to K-town for supper tonight. A&W for supper and DQ for dessert. I was laughing so hard I could hardly swallow. It was mostly due to Leif and Derek, though the gi.rls (Shanda, Cara, Tracy, etc) definitely added to it. It was a good night. And definitely good to be away for chili and cornbread night at FGBC. It's fairly empty here, but the volleyball people should be back tonight. It's good though 'cause I've got a lot of reading to do. At least I'm enjoying the book I'm working on right now. I might be able to finish reading it tonight, then I'll write the paper on it tomorrow.

I love knowing when I'm learning something or that I'm being transformed, but today it just hurt my mind so much. I could tell near the beginning of class that something was going on...I wanted to leave the class crying because it was scaring me so much, but I knew that I had to stay. Before the break, my mind was being compressed and twisted. It was horrible! I know it'll be good, but at the time...