[Edit: This entry did not take the direction I thought it would. I almost didn't post it, but I believe it is good to post, at least for me if no one else.]
It is very rare that I remember my dreams, so I am a little disconcerted with the fact that the last 3 teams I have slept, I have remembered my dreams, and they have been about death. These dreams have been about the death of family members, friends, and myself. I don't like it. It hurts too much to even think about. However, it is good because it helps me to face reality and causes me to pray more. And as I pray for the different situations and think about how I would respond in the face of such a tragedy, I am learning more and more what it means to trust God and to give the people I love so much over to Him. During these times, I am also reminded of the wonderful people He has brought into my life, of the times we have had together, of the memories we share. There was a point when I did not know if I could or would want to live without some of these people, but I have grown in my dependence on God, and, while I know that I will be hurting very deeply if they die before I do, I know that I will make it through, that God will be there, that He will be faithful then as He always has been. I do not want any of these people whom I love so dearly to die before me, but I know that it is a possibility. If I were to give up on God during such a time, the relationship I have with these people would have no meaning because these relationships are from God and He has challenged me greatly through them all. There are a at least 3 families I know of whom I would say they have gone through Job-like trials and have reamined faithful to God. I look up to these people. I respect them greatly. I am encouraged by their faithfulness. And I can only pray that if I am struck with as much tragedy or less tragedy than these people, that I too will remain faithful to my God.