This is from Sunday:
Today in church I was reminded of something that God has asked me about before. Are my friends idols who I put before Him? I have struggled with this question many times and at one point I realized that this has been the case. The first time I realized this, I made a vow to God and I limited the time I spent with my friends. I have tried not to let my friends become overly important to me, but I am unsure as to where to draw the line. I believe there are some people in my life who I place high value on, higher than I should. I do not know how to remedy this situation. At times I just stay away from those people, but I consider them my friends, making this hard to do. I know that if I really love these people as my friends, I cannot place such a high value on them. I know that I need to see them for who they are. The thing that I struggle with concerning this, however, is that we are supposed to see people as God sees them. To me this means that we know that they are not perfect, that they still sin, but that they are made perfect through the redeeming blood of Christ. These people that I am talking about have been redeemed through Christ and they lead me into a deeper relationship with God. I know, though, that I do not see all people through the eyes of God and that is why I believe it is not necessarily a godly value that I am placing on these people. If anyone has anything to say about this, comments would be greatly appreciated.

Why is it that I say I love God, but I do everything but spend time with Him even when I want to? I mean, He's always available to me. I know He wants to spend time with me. When there are people here I want to spend time with, I don't go find them and spend time with them either. I know with people it's a fear of rejection, which is just a stupid insecurity issue that I have to deal with, but with God, I know He won't reject me. I know He is the only one who truly understands me. I know He is the only one who can give me real truth. Why do I so greatly desire to spend more of my time with people than with God? Why do I know, yet not understand, that I can only be truly satisfied with God? Why do I find it so difficult to communicate verbally, when it seems to come so easily just sitting in my room typing these things out? I was hoping that one of the effects of me starting to blog would be that it would help me get my thoughts flowing, making it easier to communicate with others. Perhaps it will take more time than I had hoped. Perhaps this will be the only way I can ever share myself with people. What a horrible thought: living life, attempting to build relationships via a computer. I will not let that happen! I will make it through this painful process of opening up to people! God, help me.