What a zoo!

The newest addition to our household:

14-month old Roxanne (Roxie)


To go with the other 4 pets...

My brother, sister-in law, and niece's dog Digger


My dad's budgies Blue Belle and Mr. Green


My 11-year old kitty cat Tigger

Let's Go!

While they're duking it out in AB, we'll be bringing home the Cup!

Knowing yourself, knowing others

Do you ever have it in your life where you very much so want to spend time with somebody, but they couldn't seem to care less?

Or maybe it's the opposite in your life. Maybe there is someone who is constantly trying to spend time with you, but you are doing all you can to avoid/ignore them.

Or, there's a third option. Maybe there are the above people in your life, but you are so oblivious to either, allowing you just to take things as they come.

I think all three of these options suck, but I would rather be the person in the first option. Mind you, with that option there is so much room for lies to seep through your veins. I suppose if you are the type of person in the third option there is not much that can be done in the form of communication on your part, but for those in option one it would be best to make sure you are being blunt about wanting to spend time with someone, not just assuming that they know. Those in the second option probably have it the hardest because it would definitely be difficult telling someone you don't want to be anywhere near them, though sometimes it does have to come down to that. But perhaps as the person in that second option you need to figure out why you react the way you do and possibly make some changes in your own life.

Wow...that came out a lot differently than I first thought. I have to go talk to someone ;)

Movin' on

So, apparently it's time to move on. No, not apparently...it IS time to move on. I know this. I've known this since I graduated in April...maybe even before that. I know that I was sent to this college for many reasons, all of which (whether immediately or after I have had time to reflect) I am thankful for, and while this college and these people will always be intertwined in my life, I must move on. I know partially what that means, but not fully. I am hoping that once I move on with the part I do know, that more will fall into place so that I know what I am moving on TO.
I now know that coming back here to visit had a greater purpose than I thought, for me and likely for at least one other person. Now that that purpose has been revealed, I believe I can truly enjoy the rest of my week here before I go home to face a different part of the world that God has placed me in. Whereas yesterday I was in anguish, today I am at peace. Thank you, Lord.

work

I had a great night at work last night. And to top off my morning, someone who rarely hands out compliments told us this morning that we did a really good job last night. I am anxious for my probation period at work to be over in about a month. I don't know why they would choose to not keep me on, but there's always that possibilty.

good or bad?

I have yet to determine if the Internet is a good thing or a bad thing for me. I am on here a lot. I recognize that it takes me away from spending time with people, though there are very few people I know who I can spend time with...and MSN Messenger allows me to keep in constant contact with those who are not here. I also recognize that I allow it to take time away from my sleep. People often question how a person can stay on the internet for so long. There are different answers for different people, mine being: I want to be in touch with my friends and...there is SO much to learn! I can start to search one thing, then something else comes to my mind that I want to learn about, so I go do some research on that...and so the cycle continues until many hours have passed. I know my desire to learn is a good thing, but perhaps I am not going about it the best way.

No energy, on any level. Please pray.

Just one of those days...

I don't know if I am in a contemplative mood but can't think of what to contemplate, or if I am searching for something but not finding it, or if there is something missing in my life but I am unsure of what it is. I feel lost today. It's like I'm going through the motions of the day but nothing's really connecting. I feel empty. I feel alone. Guess it's just one of those days.

Reality in Vancouver

Will the coming of the 2010 Olympics finally cause people to do something to help the homeless in downtown Vancouver? It has been said that the number of homeless people in Vancouver will triple by 2010, that people are worrying about what the millions of visitors will think about Vancouver, and that something needs to be done. You can read about it here. I am interested to see what ideas are brought forth to "deal with" this issue. Will something actually be done to help people? Or will something be done to "sweep them under the rug"? I know there are some people and groups who have been trying to help the homeless for many years. Will they finally get support from the city of Vancouver and the provincial and federal governments
While I am happy that something might actually be done to really help the homeless in Vancouver, I find it sad that something might be done only to keep or improve the image of Vancouver. Saving the image, not the people. Good thing Someone else is concerned with saving the people.

YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I get to go back to that beautiful wonderful place called Eston, the home of some of my wonderful friends...my FGBC family!!! Happiness abounds! Joy! Exuberance! Haha! Ya, I'm excited!!! It will be a relatively short visit, but I plan to make the most of it! HEE HEE HEE!!! I have not been this happy since...ya, I don't know when. My eyes are wide with excitement, my heart is full of joy...*Sigh. So content:)

Home is where the heart is

When I got home today, my niece came running to the door, yelling "Auntie Sylva! Auntie Sylva!" (ya, she can't say my name right just yet). Then she asked, "So, what do you want to do with me today?" How could I resist? It was raining and it was almost time for supper so we couldn't do much, but we got in a couple games of Go Fish, Snap, and Huckle Buckle Beanstalk (using an Eeyore figurine as the object to hide and find). During this time, my niece said at least 3 times that she loved me and that she liked me. I feel so bad though because I love her and like her too, but my heart is so far from this place. My heart is very much still at FGBC and with my friends from there (wherever they may be). I am back home with my family (and sort of with 2 friends, but not really), but I feel like I am settling for something less. Maybe it is moreso sacrificing. It is probably the easiest sacrifice to some people, because I really do have it good here, but because throughout my whole life my friends have been so important to me, it feels like the ultimate sacrifice to not be with them. I believe it will get easier once I make some close friends (or even just one)...
To my friends from FGBC, I love you all and miss you so very very much!

Passionate about...

I admit that I have not opened my eyes to very many things in this world, which could explain why there are so few things I am passionate about in life. There are a few people who I have gotten to know who I can see such great potential in that I will do everything I can to see them succeed. I usually try to help everyone I can, but some people have let me into their lives, allowing me to see more ways to help them excel. These people I am passionate about.

Full Gospel Bible College - my life was transformed during my time there. I know that God is at work in all aspects of that College. I believe in the direction the leadership there has taken and plans to take. I am passionate about FGBC and that is why I will support it in any way I can.

Northview Community Church here in Abbotsford is the first church I "tried" since moving back here. It has been about 2 months since I started going there and I believe in the direction the leadership seems to be taking the church. I am passionate about the Church and my church and that is why I want to get involved in my church.

There are many more things that I have come to appreciate over the last couple years, but I am looking for more things to learn about in more depth, partly for knowledge, but also to find more things in life that I might be passionate about. What are you passionate about?

How often does this happen I wonder?

'When I called, they did not listen; so when they called, I would not listen,' says the LORD Almighty. (Zechariah 7:13)

Zechariah

A few days ago I was thinking of what I wanted to read in the Bible. I decided that because I am least familiar with the end of the Old Testament that I would start there. I began reading Zechariah and was immediately drawn in. I thought I would have to force myself to read even a section of a chapter, but I have found myself reading more than I plan on every time. As Zechariah is a fairly short book, I expect to be done in the next day or two. The few times I have read Zechariah there is a sentence or verse that jumps out at me. The most recent to me was:

8 " 'Listen, High Priest Joshua, you and your associates seated before you, you who are symbolic of things to come: I am going to bring my servant, the Branch. 9 See, the stone I have set in front of Joshua! There are seven eyes [c] on that one stone, and I will engrave an inscription on it,' says the LORD Almighty, 'and I will remove the sin of this land in a single day.'"

'and I will remove the sin of this land in a single day.'

This line has given me a new perspective on the power, authority, and awesomeness of God.

BETHANY DILLON
"Great Big Mystery"

Air is dry, the sun is gone
When I breathe, I breathe alone
Ten times a day I cry
Just to prove that I'm alive
Oh, that I'm alive

I have tried to be the queen
I have tried most everything
Leads me to the same place
On my knees or on my face
On my knees or on my face

Nations fall when You speak
And You have spoken over me
I am tired of giving in so easily

The way You keep on loving me
Is changing everything I see
It's a great big mystery

The fingers on my weathered bow
Are giving out and letting go
I need You now to take me in
I cannot fight alone again
Can't fight alone again

You are the mystery

???!

"Be still before the LORD, all people, because he has roused himself from his holy dwelling." (Zec. 2:13)

I was reading Zechariah last night and came across this verse. It stirred up both joy and fear within me. It gave me a hope that the Lord has not left us completely to ourselves. It scared me because I do not know what to expect.

I had stopped spending time on my knees and on my face before God (not sure how many days/weeks it was). Two or three days ago I thought about reading my Bible and was really stuggling with the desire to do so. That is when I knew I was in trouble. I forced myself to get back into His Word and to get on my knees and face before him once again. He was right there, waiting for me once again. I have to wonder how many times I can "get away with this". Seventy times seven? Is there a limit to His forgiveness? After all that I have put Him through, after all that this world has put Him through, I believe the only limit is that we have to ask for His forgiveness. But is that even true? He forgave us all on the cross. I have been taught that even if you think you need to forgive someone, you should do so even if they don't ask because they don't think they need it (or deserve it). So if God has forgiven us, we are forgiven, whether we accept it or not. But then where does hell (whether a lake of fire, separation from God or something else - I will be getting into this on my other blog soon) fit into this? Where does His justice fit in? He continues to be a mystery to me.

Oh eternal Trinity! Oh divine Godhead! You are a deep sea into which the deeper I enter the more I find and the more I find the more I seek. -Catherine of Siena

Pictures from my trip to Mt. Baker

It has taken me all summer to finally accept the fact that I have allergies. I made it through 26 years without any allergies, but this summer something has tracked me down. I wonder if allergy season is worse this year though because my mom developed allergies this year after 61 years without them!

I'm going to Mt. Baker with my friend Melissa tomorrow. It's kind of a tradition for us. I'm excited! I will hopefully post pictures this weekend.

I don't even know what to write. I just need to do something to keep me awake until the laundry is done. Unfortunately I don't have much to wrote about because all I do these days is work, sleep, play dominoes with my mom, and play Max and Ruby Dress-up on the computer with my niece. My niece is 3 and I taught her tonight how to play the game by herself because I can only handle so much!

I got an email today about the Pastorate (a group of 25-30 people) I joined through the church I've been going to. I decided to read the names of the other people it was sent to (because I've only met 9 of the people so far) and it turns out I work with one of the guys in the group. So weird! I don't work with him often, but next time I see him I'll talk to him about it.

I've been looking for a used car so my dad doesn't have to drive me to and from work and so that I can go visit FGBI/C alumni in the Vancouver area. I'm having such a hard time not having anyone out here who I'm close with who I can talk to. Maybe I should have moved to Calgary or stayed in Eston...but no, I need to be where I am. It'll be alright.

Making the world real

(2 new updates on my other site).

I have been missing the community of FGBC (Full Gospel Bible College). While I was journaling recently, I wrote something along the lines that "my time within the community of FGBC has been the closest I have come to experiencing perfect community." It is NOT perfect community, but it is the closest I have come to experiencing it. I know of at least one group of individuals who reached even closer to this idea of perfect community, and I am excited.

While I have been thinking about this (and after watching the Saturday night 2006 Grad DVD), I have been reminded of the words/thoughts of 2 people. One is Brian Tysdal who does not like the conclusion that FGBC is a bubble (as in keeping people apart from "the real world"). He turns things around by asking, "What if FGBC is closer to being the real world?" If I remember correctly, he backed this up by saying that God is the only one who sees how things really are, so when we are living for Him and He is showing us certain things through His eyes, then we are able to live in the real world. The other person I am reminded of is Kaleena who wrote a post on August 20, 2003 that begins with the quote, "Welcome to the real world." I read that post exactly 3 years ago and what she wrote has stuck with me ever since.

I do not believe that we will ever have perfect community until the second coming of Christ when sin is no more, but I do believe that we can and need to strive for that perfection. Show me a community who is striving to love one another, forgive one another, be honest (and vulnerable) with one another, teach one another, learn from one another, encourage one another, pray for one another, challenge one another, support one another, provide for one another, and who actively desires this for others; show me this community and I will show you a community of transformation.

Being a missionary, whether overseas or in your own home, is important. I struggle with being a missionary (even when it involves nothing more than being present and being myself), but I try. My heart is for all people, but I have a strong desire towards the Church. I want to see the Church become the community described above. I have heard testimonies of people who came to know Christ by spending time with what seems to have become a rare Christian who was striving to become like Christ. I have also heard testimonies of people who have left and/or stayed away from church (the Church) - both the building and the people - because they have been hurt by the Church.

I have been to numerous churches in my life, and while there are some things I do not like that seem to have infected the Church, I have no desire to stop "attending church". Perhaps it is because I am away from the "taste of perfection" I had at FGBC, but I desire to get involved in my new home church, and work towards "disinfecting" the Church by bringing a "new" perspective on Church and community by building relationships with people and letting them see Christ in me. As I get to know them and Christ in them, I too will be striving towards perfection within the community.

As the Church strives towards perfection, we will have a positive impact in this world. As we learn to see the world, as it really is, through God's eyes, and as we impact the world based on this sight, we will be working towards making the world real. ("Heaven on earth" anybody?).

Student For Life Update

Well, I had previously said that I would let people know when I updated my Student For Life blog. Well, that time has come.

Practice makes...perfect???

"I feel the issue is that every Christian should be intellectual, whether their faith is simple or not. We have our mental faculties for a reason, and in many ways, thinking well and deeply just requires practice, which I feel the church is lacking the opportunities for. In addition, I am not saying simply that the sermons alone should be deeper, but rather every encounter in our faith."

I would by no means consider myself to be an intellectual, at least not on par with the author of the above statement nor those with whom he has been interacting. I do, however, agree with what he has said. While his first and third points are addressed on his site in some depth, I would like to share my thoughts on his second point: "thinking well and deeply just requires practice".

About 4-5 years ago when I found myself listening to challenging and sometimes controversial debates I would listen in hopes of learning just a little bit more, but believing that I would never be capable of contributing to such a discussion. Almost 2 years ago something happened to me that allowed me to begin thinking well. I don't know what it was exactly, but I remember the moment when I was sitting in class and my mind was physically in pain, so much so that I almost walked out of class. From that moment on I have described it with the words, "I felt the way I think changing." I don't know if it was because I was around more people who thought well or if it was because I was somewhat "forced" through my schooling to practice thinking well or if it was just my time, but it happened. I was not the only one who noticed it either. I remember shortly after there were two teachers (and another since then), whom I greatly respect, who talked to me after reading my papers, saying that they really noticed a positive difference in my writing.

While challenging thoughts have intrigued me over the last 5 years I used to shy away from them, but then as I had a couple close friends guiding me and teaching me to not not do something just because it scares me, I began to seek out these challenging conversations and to really pay attention to what was being said. And now, as I continue to read and hear challenging thoughts I have a greater desire to think well and even more deeply and to share my thoughts (though still cautiously) with those I interact with, and even here on this blog.

A brief tribute to Leif:

As I did not realize that Leif had started a blogspot blog, I have been greatly missing out. But now that I have come across it I have enjoyed catching up on His posts and the comments on them. Leif is a great thinker and is very challenging in how he presents his thoughts. While I have a few sources that have been challenging me since I have left college, Leif has a way of presenting his thoughts in a clear manner and of inviting thought-provoking comments. Over the last few years he has become both a friend and great teacher to me. I'm sure most people who read this are already aware of Leif's posts over the summer, but for those who are not I highly recommend reading over any or all of his posts.

mustard seed

Do you pray if you don't believe? Do you believe if you doubt? When so many options are thrown at you, is it any wonder you doubt? Where is your faith? Are all as lost as you? Can you muster the strength once again?

FINALLY!!!

Yes, that's right...I finally have internet access at home!!!

I had a really good dream this afternoon (yes, I work graveyards, so I sleep in the morning and afternoon)...I had a dream that about 7 people from FGBI/C surprised me by coming to visit me in Abbotsford. It was so good to "see" some of you again!

I still like my job.

The light shines in the darkness...

One day while I was sitting outside for one of my breaks at work, I definitely had the analogy "You are the light of the world" on my heart. I was thinking about it and really questioning God as to how that was possible. I mean, where I was working it felt so unbelievably dark and I felt as though the little light that I did have was barely making a difference there...and that was such a small place. If I couldn't shed much light there, how could I shine bright enough for the world?!?!

I realized (possibly again, but maybe for the first time) that I am the light of the world, in the small part of the world that I am given. Other people are the light wherever they are. When I went back to work, I had a different attitude...and was challenged right away in this area: I ended up working at the same table as one of the angriest, most cynical people I have ever met. But right from the get-go I was smiling, giving a new perspective on things, and being kind to her in anyway I could. And you know what? She apologized for how she was acting and she eventually lightened up a bit. It was amazing!

What I've been up to for the last week...

I started a new job last Friday. I didn't like it right away and wanted a new one. I was scheduled for an interview after work on Wednesday. I was fired on Wednesday, walked home, sat down, got a call for a job interview for Thursday morning, went to Wednesday's interview (which went well), went to Thursday's interview around 10:30am, was done the interviews and application process by 12:30pm, was offered (and accepted) the job around 3pm. I am happy because it is an office job and will be somewhat similar to my job at VersaCold last summer in Calgary. This job is at EV Logistics. I start Monday. So for 4 days I worked at a job I really didn't like and was paid minimum wage. Now I work at a job I know I will like and it pays more. Like I said: I am happy.

I watched 4 movies in the last 2 days: Failure to Launch, 16 Blocks (both endings), Nanny McPhee, and Glory Road. I liked them all. And some time within the next week, I will also watch Dreamer, which I heard was good.

Last night a friend and I went to meet some people at Cheers (a bar here in town). It was good to hang out with them, but I concluded this morning that I am allergic to smoke when I am in a confined space with it. I could hardly breathe when i woke up this morning. I hope to hang out with some of them again, but I know I won't be able to be in that section of Cheers again. Oh, and to anyone who might be concerned, relax, I drank a couple glasses of 7-Up.

5 more days and I will have the Internet hooked up at home. Hooray!

Throw out water...keep baby...got it...

I was watching this TV show on Saturday called "Islam 101". At one point, the "teacher" was talking about the 5 Pillars of Islam. One of the pillars is that they are required to pray to Allah at least 5 times per day. While we a Christians know that we are free to pray at every moment of every day and that we are to "pray continually", so we actually do it? I have found it to be difficult enough to set aside time in the morning to seek God. I am both shamed and inspired by the dedication of these people. We are supposed to be seeking the kingdom of God FIRST, yet that seems so far from what we actually practice. Having an attitude of prayer throughout our day is important, but setting that specific time aside for God...oh how He desires it!
I can understand why so many people choose Islam. From what I have seen they have everything right, but for one key thing: Islam does not recognize Jesus Christ as the Son of God. If we would put into practice the 5 Pillars of Islam (which fit very well within Christianity), yet recognize Jesus Christ for who He is, I have no doubt that this world would be transformed unbelievably fast.

Near the end of my time in Eston I was down in the prayer room, and as I was praying I was overwhelmed by the Spirit. He was yearning for God's people to pray. For so long no one was answering, but He just kept calling. He said, "Wake up Church! Come one Church! Wake up! It's time!" I kept wondering, "Time for what?" It took me a while to realize that He was meaning it's time to pray. I was reminded of when Jesus asked His disciples to keep watch and to pray, but they kept falling asleep. I hope we do not fall asleep this time, but that we keep watch and pray.

Change of Heart

On Sunday morning I "snapped" at my dad. Whether people would think I had good reason or not is besides the point. I should not be reacting based on people's actions/words, but based on the God whom I serve. (What was that in Counseling classes about Lousy/Blocked goals???). While I recognize this, I am finding it more and more impossible to do. It's like the more I try to have a godly attitude, the more I feel I am being attacked in this very area. And as I recognize this, my only response is to fall to my knees, begging God for His mercy and grace and for a change of heart and attitude on my part.

Well, I applied for this one job that I really really really really wanted. I had an interview on Wednesday that seemed to go pretty well. They phoned me the next day (yesterday) and told me I did not get the job. I was very diappointed, but I have not dwelt on it because I know that I and they put a lot of prayer into it and that it was left in God's hands. As much as I wanted that job, I would not want to have it if He did not want me there. I will continue looking for work and will hopefully find something soon, as my finances have dwindled down to about $9.

I now have all of my stuff set up that I need while I am living with my family. My dad turned the closet/storage area into a nice walk-in closet. I have now made that my "prayer closet". I have my stereo, CDs, books, Bible, journal, and pen nicely organized in there. As I walk in, I get ready whatever I plan to use, then I fall to my knees, put my face to the floor, and seek the face and heart of the Father.

My heart has been changing once again. I had lost sight of how things truly are. When I first began watching the news since being home, I would think and comment on how stupid people are acting, how they don't seem to care about other people. One of the first things that brought this on was when they said someone had intentionally started a forrest fire. I mean seriously, is the person that desparate to feel powerful? But even as I started commenting I was convicted about my attitude. As I began to see things more clearly my anger was turned into prayer. For what better way to fight than face down?!

From a song that has become so powerful to me I pray the words: "I want my heart to break for the hearts that You break for. I want my life to be intimate with You." I want to see this world through His eyes, I want to listen with His ears, I want my heart to beat in rhythm with His. There is nothing more that I want than to dive deeper into the heart of my Father, gazing into His loving eyes, walking in His footsteps as He leads me in His dance. And with this comes my prayer that His people would seek Him above all else, settling for nothing less.

Mid Transition

Well, I have been in Abbotsford for about a week and a half now. I am still looking for work. Once I find a job I will start looking for a car. My niece is pretty much attached to me when I am home. I miss having my own room, a place where I can just get away. I suppose these trips to the library to check my email and what not are my chance to get away. I ordered a book off the ACOP website. It's called Streams of Grace. It's about the history of the ACOP. I'm enjoying it. Before I came here I was watching the World Cup semi-finals (GER vs ARG). Germany was down 1-0, but came back to score at about the 80 minute mark of the game. They went into OT, then to a Shoot Out. Germany won the Shoot Out 4-2. It was a great game! This afternoon it will be Italy vs Ukraine, then the final will be on Tuesday.
Ya, so not too much going on in my life right now. I'm hoping that once I find a job and get connected with a church I will actually be able to make some friends so I have someone to hang out with. Oh, actually, I did get to meet up with a few friends in Kitsilano on Wednesday night. We went for supper, then to Kits Beach. It was so wonderful to see the ocean again!!! And it was such a beautiful night. If I could afford it I would love to live in Vancouver. It really is very beautiful. And I'd have the best of both worlds: having the mountains that reveal some of the beauty and majesty of God on one side and having the ocean that reminds me of the vastness and depth of God on the other side.
I have been going to sleep so early that I have yet to see a beautiful starry night. But in the mean time I drink my tea, read my book, and remember my dear friends from college whom I miss so much.

Just thought I'd let you know some of the questions I've been thinking about for the past couple days...

From Matthew 7:21-23
21"Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. 22Many will say to me on that day, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and in your name drive out demons and perform many miracles?' 23Then I will tell them plainly, 'I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!'"
What is the will of the Father?

And with that...

From Mark 16:15-18
15He said to them, "Go into all the world and preach the good news to all creation. 16Whoever believes and is baptized will be saved, but whoever does not believe will be condemned. 17And these signs will accompany those who believe: In my name they will drive out demons; they will speak in new tongues; 18they will pick up snakes with their hands; and when they drink deadly poison, it will not hurt them at all; they will place their hands on sick people, and they will get well."
So how can we tell the difference between the "signs"?

AND...
Is there a difference between "being saved", "entering the kingdom of heaven", and "having eternal life"? If so, what is it? Is it different for each person?

ALSO...
If people aren't in the kingdom of heaven, does God still have authority over them? Is it possible for people to "be saved"/"have eternal life" and NOT enter the kingdom of heaven? Is there a difference between the kingdom of heaven and the kingdom of God?

So this is what has been running through my mind. I have had much time to look into it in depth yet, but soon.

Prayer - What happened?

There are a couple directions this post is coming from. One is from a couple experiences of the Global Day of Prayer and the other is from an MSN conversation. I was reading Coralee's post from June 4th where she wrote:

"Went to the 'Dome for Glbal Day of Prayer today. Rather disappointing since they only gave us three 2-5 minute segments to actually pray, and kept cutting us off by announcing time was almost up. Sad influence of our jet-set a.d.d. multi-tasking pre-programmed self-seeking culture. For some strange reason I was expecting a prayer meeting. Where I get these odd ideas from, I'm not sure."

This reminded me of my experience at church that day. Pastor Keith put a list of things to pray for on the screen, then had us get into small groups to pray for these things. Our group started praying and were quite content to continue doing so, but after about 10 minutes we were interrupted and were invited to join in worship (singing). I was upset by this and it happens way too often! Why must we stick to schedules so tightly? I mean, if some people needed to leave,t hey could have done so, but why interrupt a corporate time of prayer (especially on the Global Day of Prayer!) to move on to something else?!?!?!

This brings me to my second direction for this post. I was talking with a friend on MSN and I thought of how the statement, "I will pray for you" does not seem to mean as much to people these days. Is it because so many people say it but don't do it? Is it because it has become something that people say without even thinking about it? A Christian cliché? When someone says these words to you, do you say a simple "Thanks" and just brush it aside? Or are you truly thankful for this act of love?

What about when someone is saying they will pray for you and they say, "It's the least I could do"? Do they realize what they are actually saying with those words? It is completely irreverant to say that prayer is the least you could do. It belittles prayer, which directly belittles God. Prayer is one of the most important and beneficial things we could do! In fact, some of the things we might be physically able to do for a person could be less beneficial than prayer. When will we learn to trust God?

I do realize that it is important to help people physically when we can, but I do not agree with the idea of giving people something just because they say they need it. That has done a lot of damage to a lot of people.

Thinking back to the question "When will we learn to trust God?"... How often should we pray for something? Should we not pray for it because God knows what we want and need anyways? Should we pray for it once and leave it in God's hands? Should we keep praying for it until we get it know we won't get it? Is it different when it comes to things or people? Is it different when it's intercession?

Regardless of the answers to these questions, we need to remember to get face down before our God.

Oh, by the way, for those who haven't heard...the new name for FGBC will be Eston College. It was made public at the ACOP Conference in Kelowna yesterday.

3 more thoughts:
1. Jack (the cat) is sick.
2. Yuki (the fish) jumped out of the water to try to get the food out of my hand. I thought he was going to try to bite my hand. He's never done that before (that I know of) so it really scared me!
3. I miss my roommate(s)!!!

GO OILERS GO!!!

Humorous conversation(s) of the last couple nights...

Last night after hockey...

Kathy: I figure I need to take care of a plant to learn how to take care of a pet to learn how to take care of a child.

Lorraine: There's a big difference between taking care of a plant and taking care of a pet or a child.

Kathy: Well, ya, it's easier to kill a plant.

Lorraine: Um, I think it's illegal to kill a child. But that's not what I was going to say. I was going to say that pets and children are vocal about getting what they want.


Tonight after explaining last night...

Ruth: Ya, you water a child and it pees. There are consequences!


This week seems to be dragging on! It even felt that way before lunch on yesterday. 3 more days, a weekend, then 5 more days and it's done. CRAZY!!!

GO OILERS GO!!!

Hockey and not so hockey

Hockey cheerleaders? Now I've seen everything! Ty Conklin...poor guy. I suppose I was somewhat hoping for this to go to Game 6, which would mean we'd have to lose 2 games, but I would much rather Edmonton win the next 4 straight! Hopefully Roli will be okay and up for the next games. GO OILERS GO!!!

It's hard to believe that I've only got 2 weeks left in Eston. And if they're anything like the last 4 weeks they will just fly by. Next weekend is the Eston Rodeo, so if anyone is interested...come here next weekend!!!

I'm actually looking forward to going to church tomorrow. I haven't been to church for 3 weeks now (well, I've missed 2 Sundays) and I am finding that I miss that kind of worship and fellowship. Probably because I was so used to having it 3 times a week for about 8 months. It really has become a part of who I am.

Some time in the future I think I will continue on my journey of becoming a Social Worker. It's something I started to pursue in 1999, but I was not really ready for it at that time. I'm still not, but I am definitely more ready to tackle it.

Oh, and I did update my other site.

Just to let you know, I started a second blog on Monday. This new blog is dedicated solely to things I am seeking to learn about. You can find the link for it under my "Links" section or click here. If I remember I will let you know on this site when I have updated again, as the other site will not likely be updated as often as this one.

Real Life - Real People

How often the enemy is at work. I see it more often in the lives of youth, but it is everywhere!
I'm not really sure what to say. How would YOU respond to this girl who is believing these lies? What does she need to hear?

"You don't have the words or the actions to go along with your so-called faith. How can you be a witness? You don't know anything. You can't explain anything. You can't even bring yourself to spend time with this God of yours. You have no purpose. Even what you thought you had, you don't have anymore. Nobody wants to hang out with you. They would much rather hang out with other people. You've got nothing to offer people. They would be better off without you bothering them all the time. Just end it. Maybe then they'd realize...."

"I don't want to get my hopes up..."

While visiting Edmonton (GO OILERS GO!!!) this weekend I had the opportunity to find my way to a mall via transit. While on one of these lovely modes of transportation I overheard the above phrase which has lingered in my mind for the past couple days. Right away I knew I wanted to blog about it.

So what is it about this phrase that has caused me to ponder it as more than just a passing comment like I usually do? I guess it opened my eyes in a new way to the attitude of fear that seems to consume so many people. (I think there's more to it than that, but hopefully that will come out as I continue typing). We don't want to get our hopes up because we are afraid of being disappointed, afraid of having broken hearts. While this is understandable, as these feelings are painful and emotionally and physically draining, we cannot let this stop us from getting our hopes up, for when we truly get our hopes up it is because we really believe in the possibility and we are passionate about it.

And while it's important to keep each other accountable to living in reality, we also need to encourage one another to pursue our dreams. We don't do each other any good to say, "Don't get your hopes up." While we mostly say this to try to save each other from disappointment and heartache, I believe it subtly encourages apathy in those who hear it and in those who say it.

(And now comes the Devil's Advocate conversation running through my mind that usually stops me from sharing my thoughts)...

I was going to say that we need to keep each other accountable with our dreams by discussing the positives and negatives of them, asking the person to make sure they still want to follow this dream, then support them in any way we can to reach that dream.

As I thought about typing that, however, I had another thought run through my mind about how someone could decide that they still wanted to follow their dream even if the negatives out-weighed the positives, even if it would lead them to sin. If this was the case, I guess once they make the decision to follow through on their dream, that is when we need to let them know that we cannot support them while they continue on this path.

Regardless of which approach we take, based on which path they take, it is important that we be there for them even when the results are in. If they succeed in following their positive dream, we should celebrate with them and continue to encourage and support them. If they fail in either their positive or negative dream, we need to continue to love them, giving them an ear that will listen and a shoulder to cry on if it is needed.

(Bah, here we go again)...

If the person succeeds in their negative dream, this is where I do not know what to do. Do we leave them to themselves, knowing they will one day reap the consequences of what they have sown? Do we just look past it, staying in their life hoping they won't follow a similar path any time soon?

(Wow...not where I thought this was going)...

So they messed up. So what? We have all sinned. We have all needed love and forgiveness. Even if they don't want forgiveness for what they have done, is it still our responsibility to forgive them? And even if we do forgive them, that doesn't mean that we have to continue to stick with them, does it? Where are the boundaries for love? Are there any? To love 3 people doesn't mean you treat them the same way. People need to be loved in different ways. One person may need to be yelled at to make positive changes in their life, while another person might need to be talked to calmly, while still another person may need to be ignored to realize that they need to make a change.

I need to stop now before I change direction again. Thanks for your patience in reading all of this. I hope it made sense.

Ah Calgary. I never thought I would want to move here, but last summer I said I could see myself here for the next few years. That, however, is not happening any time soon (that I know of). The plan is to move to Surrey, BC. Oh, how I miss the West Coast! I love Saskatchewan as well. But as I have been in the Calgary area again for a couple days I wonder why I do not just move here. It is so beautiful, there are so many opportunities (jobs and otherwise), there are so many people here who I know and so many others I could get to know. It would be so easy for me to not continue on to BC when I am done in SK, but I know that I need to go to Surrey. I know that God is leading me there. I know that there is so much that He has planned for me while I am there. It is hard knowing that I have just over a month to find both a job and a place to live there, but I know that God is faithful. I trust Him, knowing that He loves me and will provide for me one way or another. Anyways, I'm off to watch the Edmonton Oilers defeat the Anaheim Mighty Ducks in this beautiful Western Conference Final. GO OILERS GO!!!

This song is a recap of my summer thus far (minus the dress and the live, talking mice)...

[Cinderella:]
Cinderella, Cinderella
All I hear is Cinderella, from the moment I get up
till shades of night are falling
There isn't any letup, I hear them calling, calling
Go up and do the attic and go down and do the cellar, you can do them
both together
"Cinderella."

How lovely it would be
if I could live in my fantasy
But in the middle of my dreaming
they're screaming
at me
Cinderella

[Jack:]
Every time she'd find a minute
That's the time that they begin it
Cinderelly, Cinderelly

[Stepsisters:] Cinderella!

[Jack:]
Cinderelly, Cinderelly
Night and day it's Cinderelly
Make the fire, fix the breakfast
Wash the dishes, do the mopping

[Girl mice:]
And the sweeping and the dusting
They always keep her hopping

[Jack:]
She goes around in circles
Till she's very, very dizzy
Still they holler

[Girl mice:]
Keep a-busy Cinderelly!
We can do it, we can do it
We can help our Cinderelly
We can make her dress so pretty
There's nothing to it, really
We'll tie a sash around it
Put a ribbon through it
When dancing at the ball
She'll be more beautiful than all
In the lovely dress we'll make for Cinderelly

Hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry
Gonna help our Cinderelly
Got no time to dilly-dally
We gotta get a-goin'

[Gus:]
I'll cut with these scissors!

[Jack:]
And I can do the sewing!

[Girl Mouse:]
Leave the sewing to the women
You go get some trimmin'
And we'll make a lovely dress for
Cinderelly!

[Girl mice and Gus:]
We'll make a lovely dress for
Cinderelly!

KARATE GOPHER???


Well, today is the 4th Annual Eston River Trek. These people are CRAZY! No, just kidding. I am amazed by the people who take this on. Karla and I were providing food and drinks at checkpoint 2, which was the half-marathon point. The first person to reach this 13 mile mark had left town with the 6am group and arrived at our station at 8am. The conditions for the runners/walkers was pretty good except for good ol' Eston mud and the wind that picked up every so often. For those of us sitting outside (or partially outside) for 3 hours it was FREEZING! Well, maybe not that bad, but it was pretty cold! I was in town last year at this time, but didn't really pay all that much attention to this event, but it was good to get involved in this community in a new way. It is still going on as I write this. Last year the times ranged from about 5 1/2 hours to 14 hours to complete the 40 miles. It is quite the event!

Something I wrote this morning that I thought I needed to share...

Bound by time? I lay here and begin to write, knowing that I do not have a long period of time in which to write. In this sense I am bound by time. My purpose in writing, however, is to journey with God, to discover Him, to explore myself, to reflect on life.... In this sense I am never bound by time, only by my mindset. I so desire to worship God with my entire being and yet I get in the way of this. God, help me to focus on You as I write, as I work, as I sit at a table with others, as I am off on my own. "One thing I ask, this is what I seek, that I may dwell in the house of the Lord forever." Where is my reverence of You, Father God, Creator, YHWH, Lord, Redeemer, Master, Savior, Friend? I look all around me and who do I see? It is You, the Alpha and Omega. It is You who said You would never leave me. You are always with me. You are my hope, my strength, my breath, my life. To You do I direct my worship, for You alone are worthy. I lay at Your feet. I dwell in Your presence, in the presence of the Almighty, and I wait. I listen. I worship.

SPONGE BOB IS GONE!!!



When my office computer was switched, the keyboard was switched along with it. But the new keyboard was not just any keyboard, it was a keyboard that had all but 11 keys. It was quite frightning. See, I had nothing against Sponge Bob before. I have never seen the show. But it was painful to look at the keyboard. So this morning I got rid of Sponge Bob!!! That's right...I switched keyboards!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!

Speaking of sponges...we started cleaning the cafeteria kitchen and Dorm 4 this week. While it's a lot of work, it doesn't feel like a job. It seems like a long-lasting campus clean-up. And I'm enjoying working with and hanging out with Kathy and Karla.

Last summer Karla and I had talked about doing a cross-Canada trip this summer, but we're pretty sure that's not happening anymore. This past week though (when I found out the worship conference in Calgary wasn't happening anymore) I started looking at flights to Hawaii, Montreal, New Brunswick, and Italy. Karla said she might be up for a trip to Hawaii or something. I mean, 3 of those places would be 1/2 our pay cheque for the next 6 weeks, but I want to go somewhere. I'm not sure where. I just want to GO!

And I really want to watch "Stay" and "V for Vendetta"!

I am seriously overwhelmed with the number of blogs that are out there!
When I first started blogging, I only knew one other person who had a blog. Then, because I like to get to know other sides of people, I became familiar with two people my friend had links to. That's all it was for a while, but now it seems like almost everyone I know has a blog, whether it's blogspot, MSN Spaces, My Space, or other host sites! I love being able to read about what's going on in my friends' lives, but I also find myself interested in the lives of friends of friends. There seems to be no end to it all, but I don't know where to draw the line. How do you guys manage it all??
I love getting to know people so I just keep reading. I need to learn to do this as well in person as I do through writing.
I need to go to sleep.
I need to start my days off by spending time with God. I got out of this habit on April 20th...and it shows...
Good night all.

I am tired, sore, and emotional.... It must be the day after Jr. High Weekend - the 2nd day of hard goodbyes. Some of these people I may not see for a year or never see again. With others there is a hope that I will see them again soon. It is this hope that helps me to get through, that helps me to continue on.

I had so much fun last night. And as I think about it, I realize that it is a small way in which God is telling me that it will be okay. There were 7 of us hanging out in the dorm last night, 5 of whom I never hang out with. There was Kiah, Kendall, Ashley, Grant, Greg, Craig, and myself. After acting out a "game" of Sloth Sunday, we got a bit of energy and ended up making a fort in the dorm lounge using half of the staircase, couches, chairs, cushions, and blankets...oh and the TV! It was a pretty sweet fort. My friends who were leaving today were still greatly on my heart and mind, but they had gone to bed already. I almost did the same a couple times, but I forced myself to hang out, and I'm glad I did because it was such a great night...especially because we were all so out of it. I got video footage of Sloth Sunday. Perhaps you can check it out some day.

Today I started moving into Danielle's house. I wish it wasn't raining, but oh well. I'm excited for Karla to get back and for all of us to get into some sort of routine. I am so thankful that we have 2 days off before we start cleaning because I don't know if I would be capable of much for these 2 days. Anyways, I think more people might be leaving soon, so I should go and possibly empty my tear ducts again, but maybe not because only 2 people have made me cry so far...

Grad...wow. I am officially graduated! While we were sitting on the stage I was reminded of the morning I woke up in December 2001 and said, "I'm going to FGBI....What?!?!" It doesn't seem that long ago, yet at the same time it seems like such a long time ago. I guess that's because time wise it's only been 4 1/2 years, which really isn't that long. But so much has happened and changed in those 4 1/2 years that it seems like forever ago. I know I am not the same person as I was when I was curled up in my bed that morning, and I am glad for it. I mean, I couldn't picture myself in my first year dressing up in a pink bunny costume for grad alongside of some of my dear friends (my fellow on-campus graduating interns - Randy the Wrangler, Shawn the blinged out Schmemann, Rachel the Lion, and Bo-yeun the bride of Legolas). It was a great evening. This has probably been the best past month for being able to see that I have changed, whether it's with the "dressing up", my relationship with God, my heart and mind as I worked on assignments, the award I received that I know is ONLY thanks to God, the outcome of my courses, and my relationship with my friends. I know that all of this has stemmed from being face down before my God every day and from the goodness that is God.

Sorry. I meant to update sooner. Oh well. I guess it's only been 2 days. Wow! Is that all??? Anyways, Amy arrived last night and my parents arrived this morning. Good times. I'm tired. It's 7pm. Hm. Still got a long night ahead of me. I will survive. Buck-buck. Is that how you spell it??? Whatever. It's being played now I think. It's quite entertaining. The guys are really good at it. The girls...not so much, but it's all good. I now hide away in my office, enjoying being able to take a moment to rest. I love my friends. I love my family. I miss my niece. I miss the ocean. I miss the mountains (shhh...don't tell anyone). I want to travel. I want to go to Italy and Ireland and across Canada and the States. I have a good feeling about Surrey, well, about me moving there anyways. I have 6 school pictures sitting in front of me: Amy, Hyun Ju, Tracy, Colleen, Rachel, and Sarah. I also have 2 Bibles, a journal, some left over Coke.... Ok, I'm done now. Sorry for rambling. Grad is so close!

LIES, LIES, AND MORE LIES...BUT THE TRUTH WILL OVERCOME!
Stupid attacks that get me down but will not overcome me! I'm glad I could recognize at least one of them right away this time. As I draw closer to my Father's heart I become a little more aware of the lies of the enemy and I become very aware of my big Brother and my Father standing up for me, protecting me and encouraging me.
To my friends: I love you all so very much.

Happy Easter to all! Resurrection Sunday...It is a time to CELEBRATE!!! Let us gather with friends, family, and strangers alike to share and to celebrate this wonderful news: that 3 days after Jesus died on the cross, He rose again. Death has lost its power. Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ has once again proved the power and intensity of His love for us. He has set us free. Let us walk in that freedom.

I was so thrown off last night when I went to chapel. We were having a good time of worship. I found myself zoning out a bit and being drawn to a Street Invaders brochure. As I read through it, I saw that there is a Bootcamp in Surrey this year (which, for those of you who don't know, is where I am planning on moving this summer). Not only that...there are also specialized teams, one which is a Relief Team. I'm not sure HOW I want to get involved exactly, but I know that this is so close to my heart that I think I NEED to be involved in some way or another. It's no guarantee that the Relief Team option will be available in Surrey, but I know that Surrey would be a good place for it.
Anyways, that was one reason I was thrown off last night. Another reason is because I heard the words "this is the last chapel of the semester". I was so not prepared for that! I knew things were coming to an end, but I didn't realize some things were ending sooner than others.
It was a Commissioning Service last night. I wasn't sure which group to go to to get prayed for, so I just kind of waited around. I got a sense of direction and went for it. They prayed for me and God had given 2 of them "pictures" for me. I needed to hear them both.
When I woke up this morning, I had my own plans set out, but as I walked across the street to the college, I looked back and was stopped in my tracks by the beautiful sunrise. I stayed for a while, enjoying the picture God was painting before me. He is the greatest Artist ever!

I was going to post something regarding a quote by Ghandi that I read yesterday, but the person who introduced it to me beat me to it. I know I could still write something about it, but I think I will leave it this time. If you want to check it out (which I highly recommend), go to this site.

I wish more people would pause to enjoy the rain rather than hiding from it or running from it. There were times when I lived on the West Coast, where it rained more than it did anything else, when I would sit inside, diappointed that it was raining, or when I would run from the car to the store, trying not to get too wet. But there were many more times over those 20+ years when I would slowly walk home in the rain, allowing myself to get drenched, soaking it in as if it were the last time I would ever be in it. And I've got some great memories of playing soccer during some downpours. I didn't think I would ever actually miss the rain, but after coming to SK I have come to appreciate it and enjoy it all the more. I loved being woken up at like 3 in the morning to that wonderfully familiar sound that i had missed so much. I would get dressed and go outside to stand in it or to walk in it or to lie on the grass, staring up into the sky. It was great to have it just wash over me. (Daydreaming). I love the sound, the smell, the sight, and the feel of rain...

2 8-page papers due by Wednesday. AH!!! I don't know why I can't focus on what needs to be done with enough time to do my work well. I don't try to procrastinate; it just kind of happens. I sit down to work, and I DO work, but it seems like pointless work because I can't seem to get anywhere on my papers until like a day or 2 before they are due. Thankfully I'm over 1/2 way done one paper, but seriously! Anyways, back to work.

P.S. Hi Nancy!

The Time Has Come...WOO HOO!!!

So as I was reading a blog today I came to the realization that I am totally unprepared to go into "the real world" due to the fact that I have become greatly re-sensitized to a certain area, so much so that I want nothing to do with it. In fact, it makes me want to throw up. But how can I live in a world where it is everywhere (and that is only a SLIGHT exaggeration)? I have a hard enough time dealing with my own sin, which I can sometimes ignore, but I don't know if I can handle the words and images that are so blatant in this world. I know I need God so much in this area. He was so repulsed by sin, yet He still came (and comes) to us to have a relationship with us because He loves us. How can I live out this kind of love?

As I was walking across the field by the clinic on my way back to the college I looked up and was in awe of how big the sky is, which then caused me to be overwhelmed by the incomparable, unimaginable greatness of God. It boggles me. My mind cannot even contain what I know about Him now, let alone all that He is. He is a mystery that I get lost in over and over again. I enjoy going deeper and deeper into this mystery even though, or maybe because I know that I can never solve it. I am forever lost in His love.

Federal Government Plans to Fight Crime.

Thank you Stephen Harper and government!

Grad is drawing near. I am excited to finally complete something! But I am not looking forward to leaving this place that has been my home for 4 years and these people who have become my family. I am thankful that I have a bit of extra time with those who are staying for Jr. High and even more time with those who will be around till the middle of June (when I leave), but it will also be so hard to have those "goodbyes" and "see ya's" drawn out for that much longer.

Anyways, before I get drawn into this feeling anymore I am going to go spend some time with some good friends and I will make the most of the time I have left with these people who are so intertwined with my heart.

I know that all my problems haven't (and aren't suppose to have) gone away, but they seem so insignificant right now. Last week was hard. Feeling like I was spending time with God was near impossible. I was so focused on me and my problems that I wasn't doing anybody any good. This week, however, is a different story. While I've still had a hard time getting up in the mornings to spend time with God, I have come with an open and willing heart. I have been blessed...abundantly. It's like this whole week has been a continual date with God. When I recognize that I am with Him, there is nothing that could give me greater joy and greater love. And out of this relationship with Him, I have been free to spend time with other people (yes, including those I don't EVER hang out with). My eyes have been opened to see some of the needs in certain people's lives, and from that I can walk out my missional life (thanks T.). While I learn what it means to do this, I will continue to be transformed, and will continue to try to keep my pride in check. Anyways, I should get going, but let me encourage you to seek God daily because HE IS WORTH IT!

It was so great this afternoon lying on the couch, watching Jack (the cat) enjoy the sunshine, laughing as he prepares to pounce on a fly and tries to do so - missing every time. I miss the simple joy of watching a cat play. The simple joy of so many things that I pretend like I'm too busy to watch. The sun is out, the snow is melting, spring is in the air. God, help me to use these next few weeks wisely. Help me to see what it's really all about.

Street Ministry

What is it that holds me back from doing something that I love so much?
Little experience in life and ministry? Partly.
Fear of sounding stupid? Yes, that too.
Busyness of life? That's another excuse.
Fear of failure? Always.

What is it about Street Ministry that I love so much?
Listening to people's stories.
The thought of being able to help them walk/work through their struggles.
Exemplifying God's love to the "unloveable".
Showing people their potential and helping them see ways to reach it.
Being obedient to what God has called me to do.
Being open to allow God to develop me.

I did some Street Ministry before I came to FGBC. At that time, I wasn't really sure what I was supposed to do or how to go about doing it. After 4 years of Bible College, I am still not entirely sure of these things, but I am more willing to interact with people and I have a stronger foundation in my faith. After wrestling in my faith at great length at least once a year, I have come to learn that God will not give up on me, that He will continue to walk with me through those faith-challenging times, that He will rescue me from those life-altering "dark night of the soul" times. I suppose it's a good thing that I'm uncertain of my abilities because this requires me to rely on God, on who He says He is, rather than doing it on my own.

After reading Sheri's blog and the link in one of the comments, both my desire and my fear have grown stronger.

Thoughts on Street Ministry lead me to another desire of my heart that I shall get into at another time: Intercession.

I have much on my mind, but not enough time to get into it right now. I will leave you and myself with 2 words that I plan to expound upon in the near future: Street Ministry.

Is He worth it?

March 9th, 2006

Two weeks and two days ago was Recruitment Chapel. It has had an immediate and longer-lasting impact on me compared to many things I have learned. I was humbled by the love of both man and God. What has stuck with me most has been the message of God's love for me, combined with both words and video footage. We were asked to watch some clips from The Passion of the Christ while picturing Jesus the Christ thinking "You are worth it". I could not contain the flood of tears that came upon me.

Last weekend was Encounter Weekend. I spent a lot of time face down before my God, seeking His heart, getting to know Him. Many of us were struck with the urgency of continually being in this posture and having this attitude.

There is now a specific time set aside in the mornings from 7:15-7:45 where anyone who wants to can go to the chapel to sing along with a cd, pray, journal, read, draw, rest, dance...anything that allows people to get to know God. While it has been hard to get up in the mornings, the thing that gets me out of bed is asking the question: Is He worth it?

Well, what can I say? I couldn't resist:

ISFJ - "Conservator". Desires to be of service and to minister to individual needs - very loyal. 13.8% of total population.

Free Jung Personality Test (similar to Myers-Briggs/MBTI)

Recruitment Chapel...this is a memorial - a time and place of remembrance of God's work in my life.

Also, yes, I have changed my page once again. And, just so you are aware, I do not plan to post again until on or after April 16th.

Yes, it was time for a change. And there will be more to come...some time.

WHAT A MORNING!

I woke up a couple times this morning, unsure of what time it was, and each time I turned over and went back to sleep. The third time this happened it seemed just as dark as the first two times and I felt just as tired, yet this time, in the midst of turning over, my alarm went off.

My roommate got up for a shower, so I layed in bed a bit longer thinking about how different it is not being the first one up. Then I started thinking about some of my close friendships that have been formed at this college. I am so thankful. I turned my attention and thankfulness to my God who is the One who brought these friendships into being.

I made breakfast, got ready, then went to Co-op to get some water and saran wrap. Went back home, started getting my things together, told my roommate the car was running and warm if she wanted to go there while I finished getting ready. She did. A minute later I grabbed my books, locked the door and was on my way, when suddenly I realized that I had no shoes on! I went to grab my keys but found that they were not there. I put my books down, opened the main door of the apartment, stood there trying to get my roommate's attention (I'm not going out in the snow with just my socks on!). Finally got her attention. I told her what happened, she came back in, laughing at me. I went in, went to get my keys out of my jeans, but they weren't there either! I finally remembered I had left them in the car yesterday, so I put my shoes on, and away we went - arriving at the school safe and sound and on time.

The End.

A Quote A Friend Found

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate, our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It's our light, not our darkness that frightens us most. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God, your playing small doesn't serve the world, there's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you, we are all meant to shine, as children do, we were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just some of us; it's in everyone, and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same."

What do you think?

I've read this or heard this before, but I'm not sure where.

It was good to see some of my AB and BC friends again.

I was reminded of something again on Saturday: I should not be near a vehicle when I have to meet people at a certain time at a place I'm not overly familiar with. I was so stressed out driving in Calgary this weekend! I don't like the person I was portraying.

On the drive back to Eston, I was looking out over the prairie lands and realized that I will not be living in the prairies anymore after grad. I know a lot of people would think this a joyous occasion, but not me. I fell in love with the prairies the first moment I saw them. In fact, when I was growing up there was always a part of me that longed to be in the wide open spaces of the prairies. Being able to spend the last (almost) 4 years at college in Eston and living in Calgary this past summer has been amazing! I love the fields, the sky (sunrises and sunsets, stars, Northern Lights - of which I still have yet to see the really spectacular ones - etc.), the slower pace of life (outside of FGBC), the family bonds that I have seen, etc. There is so much to love about these beautiful Canadian prairies! But still, I have come to appreciate the mountains since I have been here. To gaze upon these masterpieces while driving from AB to BC...I am in awe. And of course...the ocean. Oh how I miss it so! I suppose that was my way of looking upon the wide open spaces. But I have always loved the water. I could swim for hours on end. And to walk along the pier in White Rock, hearing the waves crash against the rocks, reaching the end in anticipation of the sun setting over the ocean. Leaning against the railing, talking with friends till all hours of the night, with the various sounds in the background. I am torn in my love for the beauty of this country, yet it is the same country, and wherever I go, I know that I will see the beauty of God in the creation around me.
I can easily identify with Brian Doerksen's lyrics in the song Creation Calls, which was one of my favorite songs before I even came to SK.

Off to Calgary for the weekend! Have a good one!

GO RAMBLERS GO!

IN MEMORY

Wilhelm Johan Stobbe (1916-2006)

STOBBE _ Wilhelm Johan (Bill) passed away peacefully into the arms of Jesus on Monday February 13 at the Ebenezer Home, Abbotsford, BC at the age of 89. Bill was born in Langham, SK on August 31, 1916. He married Katie Ratzlaff on July 7, 1940 in Abbotsford, BC. They lived in the lower mainland until 1947 when they moved to Alberta. They resided around Lacombe until 1958, Canmore until 1972 and Vancouver Island until his retirement to Abbotsford in 1988. Bill was a loving husband, father and friend to many. He led a Godly life of service to others as a pastor and missionary, especially towards anyone in need. He also loved ministering to the First Nations people. For 4 years, Katie and Bill operated the Bread of Life Centre in Port Alberni which provided food and ministry to the needy. He is survived and lovingly remembered by his wife of 65 years, Katie and 8 children: Victor (Margaret), Stanley (Olive), Esther (Derek) Swanson, Daniel (Cathy), Harry (Mary), Miriam Peters, Jim and Margaret (Stan) Rukin; 20 grandchildren; 22 great-grandchildren as well as numerous nephews, nieces, other relatives and friends. Viewing will be held at Woodlawn Funeral Home, 2310 Clearbrook Rd. on Thursday February 16 from 6:00 - 8:00 p.m. Celebration of Bill's life will be held on Friday February 17 at 11:00 a.m. at Bakerview MB Church, 2285 Clearbrook Rd. Abbotsford, BC. Interment to follow at South Poplar Cemetery. The family wishes to thank the caring staff at Ebenezer Home for their kindness to Dad over the last 2 months. We will always remember his humor, servant heart and love. In lieu of flowers donations may be made to Crossroads (100 Huntley St.) or Canadian Bible Society.

I miss you Mr. Stobbe. You were like a grandpa to me.
***A special blessing on you Mrs. Stobbe. I wish I could be there. I love you.

"There is none like You. No one else can touch my heart like You do. I could search for all eternity long and find there is none like You."

Captivated by the near bursting of my heart, by the smile of a passerby, by the ever-changing open sky, by the flowing waters seen on a weekend drive, by the laughter of a small child, by the majesty and intimacy of my God, by fellowship with friends, by the sound of joyful surprise, by love both given and received.

Happy Valentine's Day everyone.

"Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things" (TNIV).

Have a blessed day!

I want to write, but anything I think of just doesn't express what I want it to right now. All I can say is it is well with my soul. In fact, I suppose that IS what will do for now:

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.


It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.


Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blessed assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.


It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.


My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!


It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.


And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul.


It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

There's not really much flow to this post. Sorry. I just needed to write these things down and I just happened to be trying to think of something to post, so here it is.

CHANGE

Change into who they want me to be?
Change into who I want to be?
Change into who He wants me to be.

Who? What? When? Where? How?

Follow Me.

Easier said than done.
Help me.
Show me.

I know the Truth, but it is so much easier to live by feelings, yet one can only handle being on an emotional rollercoaster for so long.

The feelings that we have do not necessarily reflect what we, personally, are going through. Sometimes they reflect the feelings of those around us, or the atmosphere we are so vaguely aware of, if at all.

Why is it so hard to do the right thing? God, give me strength.

WHY DO PEOPLE BLOG?

As the blogging community continues to grow, this question arises more and more. The answers I can think of:

1. Let friends and family (who you rarely get to talk to) know what's happening in your life.
2. A written form of preaching.
3. An encouragement to others.
4. A place to vent and possibly have someone finally listen.
5. A way to share ideas with more people.
6. To inform people of things happening in the world.
7. To have open discussions on various issues.
8. To promote a business, school, event, etc.

That's all I can think of for now. If you have a different reason for blogging or you know someone else who does, leave the reason in the comments. Or leave a comment saying what you think about these reasons.

As I was finishing writing my last post, I was hit again with the importance of Scripture. I need to be soaking in God's Word so that I can stand firm in the truth of it. If I do not, I will be "tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning craftiness of people in their deceitful scheming" (Eph. 4:14).

"They say evil prevails when good men don't act. They should say evil prevails." - Nicolas Cage Lord of War

We watched 3 movies yesterday. The first one (10 Things I Hate About You) I have seen many times and will likely never grow tired of. The second one (Lord of War) was very thought provoking, breaking through my worldview. The third one (Two for the Money) started out good and ended even better.

As for the quote at the beginning of this post, when I first heard it I thought the second part said "They also say evil prevails." When I hear this, my thought was: ~hm, ya, good men don't act enough.~ When I found out what it actually said, my thought was: ~Ya, it is easy to see why people would think that. When we see and hear about so much evil happening in this world it is easy to become overwhelmed and discouraged by it. But when we truly look at the bigger picture, when we look at the truth, we can be certain that evil does not prevail, but that God is just and will punish the wicked in His good timing. As difficult as it is to see this truth, I do not doubt it. The first time I read Psalm 73:1-17 my whole being grasped this truth, and this is something that will never be shaken in me.

"restless until I rest in Christ"

What a beautiful statement,
what a brilliant truth!
Yet what a hard concept to walk in.

I find peace when I read those words,
a peace and a longing.
But I do not have the strength to let go.

I see the beauty in the idea,
to rest in the arms of the One who loves me.
Still it is so difficult to see how to live it out.

I know I have had this rest before,
and I will have it again.
I will not be parched in the dry land forever.

I have hope in my God,
He will renew my spirit.
I will be taken from this desert.

Well, I had 19 posts (plus comments) to catch up on on an encouraging, challenging site, but I made it! Easy to do when it's good reading. I need to make it one of my priority blogs to read due to the consistancy of the posts and the content therein. Anyways, I should be off again! Have a good day all!

Here's a shout out to Scott's Community Group: Good luck on your 2-week challenge guys! Everyone else...please note the new links on the side (if you can find them in the long list!!!).

I am disgusted by the junk email that is going around these days! I feel like I want to throw-up every time I read the subject lines! Why are we so permeated with images and words of sex/lust? Why has something (sex) that was created to be good become so twisted and perverse? There doesn't seem to be anywhere to get away from it! TV, movies, music, internet, conversations, jokes, pictures, magazines, school, work places...I am revolted by the words and images that seem to penetrate into every area of life.
I don't know how God can be who He is. He hates sin, but He loves us. It seems like we are living in the world before the Flood, or in places like Sodom and Gomorrah or the church in Corinth. I do not have the mercy God has. If I were God I would not have made that covenant with Noah and I would probably wipe out the earth (with the exception of the few who are faithful). So it is good that I am not God and that God is who He is. He is loving, merciful, compassionate, graceful, etc. But while He is these things, He is also our judge. Psalms 73 and 37 give me hope in this aspect of life...as do other passages of Scripture.
How can I think the "turn or burn" message while I still have sin in my life? I know that I am covered by the blood of Christ and that there is no longer condemnation for me, but I need to realize that "love covers over a multitude of sins" (1 Pet. 4:8) and that "God is love" (1 John 4:8, 16) and, therefore, God covers over a multitude of sins. And this He did by sending His Son to die on the cross, even though He was without sin. I don't know if I will ever truly understand the depth of love involved in this...I doubt it. But I do know that His love has captivated me and that I will be forever thankful.

I went to Edmonton for the weekend. I almost decided not to go because I was so tired on Friday, but I really wanted to see my girls. Unfortunately people are so busy that I hardly got to see any of them, so I left Edmonton missing them about as much as before I got there.

It was quite the weekend though. On Saturday we went to West Ed Mall. I went off on my own for the day, watching a movie, doing some shopping...and lots of thinking and praying. Saturday was 2 years since Nikki and Katie were killed in a car accident. While I do miss them both, I didn't know either of them as well as many others, so I asked God to say hi to them for me then spent some time praying for the families and friends of these 2 beautiful girls who are loved more than words can say.

The thinking and praying continued on into Sunday when at church (God's Spirit is really moving at the North Edmonton Christian Fellowship by the way) we were challeneged to open our ears to hear, our eyes to see, and our mouths to speak...and to take back what the enemy has stolen or is trying to steal from us. This is 2 Sundays in a row now (last week was at Deeper Life Services) when I have been reminded/told that something important is missing in my life, but I can't seem to figure out what that something is exactly. I think I know what it affects, but I don't feel like getting into it here. I tried to think back through my life to see when things have been different and I got back to times that I don't remember...like when my dad died when I was 3 or when I first accepted Christ when I was 4. So I'm thinking one or both of those is when something changed in my life, though I'm not sure because I don't know what I was like before that. I just know that something has been stolen from me and I can't seem to get it back, whatever it may be. I will keep asking God to show me and see where we (God and I) end up.

My roommate said she approves of my cooking and that I can get married!!! YAY! So exciting...'cause ya know...I need my roomie's approval in everything;)

WHAT'S YOUR RESPONSE?

I was talking to someone on msn today and they asked: is it ever right to lie......?

My answer was: well, I wouldn't say it's "right" to lie, but it can help us to avoid uncomforatble circumstances...I should say more to this, but I'm not exactly sure what to say right now.

I told her I'd post the question on my blog and see what comes up. So what's your response?

Well, I had decided that I would not post again until I had changed my page because I couldn't stand the look of it! So here I am, at 4am, finally posting. I have been fiddling with a lot of html stuff...having only a vague clue as to what was going on. There was a lot of copy-and-paste action...and MANY MANY previews!!! I doubt I will keep it like this for very long, now that I know a bit mroe about what I'm doing, but I like it a lot more than the last one that got messed up!

I supposed I should go home to bed...I have to be up in about 3 hours :P

Before I go, I would just like to say how wonderful it is to have the rest of the interns back!!! And to have the new students here:)

Favorite things today:

-Working on my page
-Talking with people I never talk with
-Exploring the computer program I have to work with for my internship
-Floor Hockey All-Star Game
-Reading my Bible
-Finding out Abi's in my Community Group
-Being answered "Yes" when I asked if we could watch the World Juniors at our 4th Year party tomorrow (Thursday)
-Feeling at peace before I go home to bed:)

I am finished!!!

Over the Break I finished reading The Cost of Discipleship by Dietrich Bonhoeffer. I also read Connecting (don't remember the authors off hand). And I have finally finished reading The Iron Lance by Stephen Lawhead! These were all very good, yet different from one another. I do, however, suppose that I have learned at least one similar thing from all of them: how to better live the life I desire to live.

I started reading The Art of Biblical Narrative over the Break as well, but I think I will hold off on reading for a couple days.

Today I am going in search of a new TV!

Well, here I am in good ol' Calgary, Alberta. Got in about 2 1/2 hours ago. I am finally caught up on my emails and many blog readings. Just about ready for bed (as it is just after 1am here). I watched a few movies over the holidays (they are listed on the side) and I read a lot and played lots of Dominoes and Scrabble with my mom. Even though I didn't get to surprise my parents when I got home, I did get to surprise me grandma. I picked her up on Christmas morning (she thought I was still in Eston). We had a good visit. I love my niece! She is so cute! Once I get back to the college I will see what I can do about getting some pictures up.

I GOT TO GO TO THE WORLD JUNIOR'S LAST NIGHT (WEDENSDAY)!!! CANADA 4 SWITZERLAND 3!
It was a good game! My brother gave me a ticket for Christmas:) Then I got to go home and watch the Canucks (finally) win a game!!! And on the flight tonight I got to watch the 3rd period of the Calgary game (which they won 4-2). It's been good hockey times for me!

I should have something wonderful and inspiring to say, but I do not. Perhaps in the new year. To bed I go. Good night all!

WITH ALL MY LOVE...

Well, I'm not sure if I'll be on-line over the holidays, so I will take this opportunity to wish you all a Merry Christmas.

The way my heart and spirit have been lately, I am anticipating a new beginning next semester. I'm not exactly sure what it will look like, but I know it involves me paying more attention to God. I want to love people the way they need to be loved, and while I knew it before I'm beginning to KNOW it now: the only way I can love people the way they need to be loved is if I am immersed to the point of being overwhelmed in my relationship with God.

Blessing to you all. I love you so very much! (If this was paper, there would be tear drops all over this).

A VOCAB LESSON BY ME, COURTESY OF DICTIONARY.COM

How: In what manner or way; by what means

do: make an effort

I: The self; the ego; Used to refer to oneself as speaker or writer

encourage: To inspire with hope, courage, or confidence; hearten; to give support to

my: Used preceding various forms of polite, affectionate, or familiar address

friends: [people] with whom one is allied in a struggle or cause; a comrade

toward: In the direction of: driving toward home; In a position facing; In furtherance of

God: A being conceived as the perfect, omnipotent, omniscient originator and ruler of the universe, the principal object of faith and worship in monotheistic religions

?: a punctuation mark placed at the end of a sentence to indicate a question

End of vocab lesson.

So I've come to the conclusion that when I am going through a really crappy time, that is when I need to be interceding for my brothers and sisters in Christ. Of course I need to be doing this on a regular basis, but it seems that it is even more important when I am having a hard time. Of course it is easier to realize this than to actually do it, but I need to be faithful in this.

On another note: I got a letter today...from me. At the beginning of the semester, all the girls were split into groups and went from station to station throughout the school. One of the stations was in the "pit" in the lounge. At this stations, we were asked to write a letter to ourselves...something that the leadership would hold onto until around Christmas time. I've done something like this about 3 or 4 times over my 4 years here and each time I have anticipated getting the letter, still remembering (for the most part) what was in it. This time, however, I completely forgot about it. Even when I saw it, saw the date, and started reading it I was so confused as to when I had written it. Thankfully I somewhat know myself and so had written the setting in which I was writing it. I am always encouraged by these letters (to the point of crying at times). It is so good to see where I was at, to see where I thought I'd be going, and to see where I'm at now. Sometimes I wish I could keep what I have written so I can see my goals while I am going through the semester or whatever, but this way is good too.

We are leaving in 4 days! It is so hard to believe!

A BREAKING HEART...

It is so hard to love people when you don't know how they need to be loved and when you are afraid of rejection. There are a few people here who I am trying to love, but it does not seem to make any difference. I think the hardest part is loving people while their actions tell me that I pretty much don't exist. Thankfully there are only two people who come to mind for that part. It would be so much easier to just to stop trying because it is probably the hardest thing for me to go through. But I know that no matter how many times I have done the same thing to God, He has remained faithful in His love for me. His love is not based on my actions, but on who He is. In the same way, I have been called to love people based not on their actions, but on who God is.

ALIAS in real life?

So I got a letter recently stating that "There has existed for many years an exclusive association, a secret society of the world's most famous and powerful people....Members of the Nuova Tech Society have analyzed your profile....It seems you...possess several rare traits they are searching for...."

Of course they say that the information they sent me is confidential, so to keep it a secret, but you know - when they are sending this to people, trying to prey on their insecurities, offering false hope, trying to discount the work of God - I just can't let it go unsaid. It saddens me to know that there are people in this world who will fall in with this group, some people who are so prideful that they will turn their back on God with the expectation that their life will improve because of their own abilities.

Perhaps with some of them their life will seem to improve, but at what cost? They are forfeiting their souls! To be honest, even though my first thought was "Scam" I could see myself falling into their trap of flattery and false hope. Thankfully, however, I have a God who is bigger, a God who loves me, a God who has proven himself over and over again.

There have been other times recently where I have been challenged (not by people) to renounce God, times where I have been enticed to put my own needs ahead of God's desires, but yet again, God continues to be faithful and continues to show me the "bigger picture".

I am thankful for these "temptation in the desert" times because my faith matures as I rely on the one true God. He is my everything. Without Him I am and have nothing. As one of my favorite songs says, "Where could I go without You? Far, far away I would fall apart. Who could I be without You? Why even try without You? I'll hold onto You, I'll hold onto You, I'll hold on to You sweet, sweet Jesus."

LIVING IN THE REAL WORLD OR JUST WHAT WE THINK IS THE REAL WORLD???

To start: the FGBC Blog has been updated. (See link on side bar).

Now then...

How do you do the right thing when you are under pressure to get things done? How do you decide what the right thing is to do? When the people you respect so much are so set in their ways and so caught up in their own world that they lose sight of the truly important things, what do you do? How much do you put up with? When do you confront them? When do you just need to give up and walk away? When do you need to realize that not everything you think should happen should actually happen? BAH! ARG!

K, I'm done. Write more another time.

There is a lot about me that I do not know. I so desperately want to meet someone who I can connect with on many levels. I have connected with some people, and they've been great connections, but there is always something missing; something that is a big part of who I am. Unfortunately I do not know what that part is exactly because I have not found a way to process it, nor have I found anyone who can teach me in it. All I know is that I am aching inside, knowing that a big part of me is unknown to all but God. Perhaps it will always be that way, but I long for it to be drawn out of me.

I am so tired! My eyes are really sensitive right now.

While watching Kingdom of Heaven, reading blogs, and writing my internship journal, my heart has been penetrated once again. I have been reminded of the importance of loving people. I have been reminded that when I am searching people's hearts I become very in tune with the heart of God and am able to recognize the prompting of the Spirit. I have moved so far away from this calling in my life, but now I choose to come back to it.

Off to bed!